Proving that nuns are the best thing about the Catholic religion, a group of nuns recently kicked-off a nine-state bus tour to highlight the disastrous consequences of the Paul Ryan budget plan on the low and middle classes. Continue reading
GOP
50 posts
Well, how dare a woman come into the Michigan House of Representatives and start waving around words like “vagina” or “vasectomy.” Egad! What ever will our super sensitive ears do about being flooded with such auditory porn as discussing the secret lady no-no cave betwixt her very legs? Continue reading
Ideas worth spreading. Continue reading
This will be a day long remembered. We have seen the end of the Delaware primary, and soon we will see the end of this insignificant primary season. Vile space gangster Newton Leroy Gingrich, erstwhile Terror of the Outer Rim Territories and God-Emperor of South Carolina, is dropping out. Continue reading
Seeing as how the GOP nominating season is effectively over now that Rick Santorum is done talking about coal miner’s ovaries or whatever, the Romney campaign can now focus on important things. Important things like sending a bus to follow the President around at his appearances, or trying to make a thing of the fact that the President ate dog meat as a child.
Really, the campaign should focus on a much more important next step: picking a campaign theme song. A campaign theme song can tell voters so much about who you are as a candidate. Are you hip, down to earth, yet totally inspirational and leadershipfull? (Yes, I made that last one up) Continue reading
Last time we talked, Willard Romney was squeaking out a win in Michigan, Rick Santorum was frothing at the mouth, Newt was complaining about something, and Ron Paul was freezing gold bars in his Frigidaire.
That was over a week ago, though. Tonight, tonight is the big one my friends. Super Tuesday! Polls in Ohio close at 7:30, and the dominos start falling from there. Ten states are up for grabs, and with Romney whittling away Ricky’s lead in Ohio in recent days, it certainly looks to be anyone’s guess who walks away from tonight the big winner. Continue reading
Nevada has spoken! The mutant uranium-miners, opium whores, neon salesman and moisture farmers of The Radioactive State chose Willard “10k” Romney over space-beast Newt Gingrich, bedraggled has-been Dick Santorum, and undead specter Ron Paul.
Fresh from a smack-down by Romney’s magnificent wallet in the Florida GOP primary, the candidates made their way to Nevada, the seedy, alternate-universe Utah that was the site of the next ridiculous clown rodeo caucus. Here, on the uranium-poisoned sands once trod by Mo Green and Fredo Corleone, the candidates hoped to, well, not get smacked by Romney’s wallet again. This was really a vain hope, since Romney’s wallet, like the buffet at Stinky Pete’s Bordello and Casino, is bottomless. Romney ended up clubbing them all over the head and left them bleeding in the sand like extras in “Spartacus.” Continue reading
The candidates met in Jacksonville, Florida’s most charmless city, to once again argue about who is least unlikeable. Gingrich is hoping to build on the momentum from South Carolina, where he was less despised than Romney. Romney wants to score some sort death-blow on the loathsome space-beast who stands between him and the nomination that is RIGHTFULLY HIS. Poor morose sweater-fetishist Dick Santorum want to recapture the glory days of Iowa, when HE was popular. Santorum is tired of being the Jan to Romney’s Marcia, and now, to make matters worse, Newt Gingrich is suddenly…Greg, or Davy Jones, or something. It’s not fair. He doesn’t want to blow this thing, and have his damned kids start blubbering, and have his wife give him THAT LOOK. He can’t stand it. Screw you, Romney! SCREW YOU! And the neither-living-nor-dead specter that stoner-hobos and Burning Man-enthusiasts call Ron Paul? He is here because he must be. He is not motivated by the gross lusts of Gingrich or the passionate anger of Santorum, for passion is a trait of the young, and Ron Paul is old, so very old. The gold, the lost gold of Osiris drives him, and his soul aches with an emptiness you cannot imagine. Continue reading
Here we go again. Our pain continues and we are still weeks away from Super Tuesday. We are on NBC; stop by for a reassurance hug.
Look for Newt to be extra nasty tonight now that there is Romney blood in the water. I guess Rick will still be hanging around. As will Grandpa Paul; unless the TSA detains him for his freedums. Continue reading
The GOP rodeo has lost a clown, but still the nomination process grinds on. This debate is tinged with sadness, because it will lack the comedy stylings of Texas governor Nathan Bedford Forrest Gump, who dropped out the day of the debate. There are only four podiums now on the stage here in Secession, South Carolina. You know, Perry dropped out just hours before. I bet they had a podium for him. What happened to it? Is Rick Perry’s podium in the dumpster in the back? What a great souvenir that would make! Somebody root around back there and scrounge it for me! I can have mock debates in my back yard! I can put my shoes on backward and pretend to be Perry! Awesome! Continue reading