50 posts

Mitt Romney Drops out, America Weeps, Shrugs

romney bridge2The 2016 presidential race has claimed it’s first casualty (if you don’t count Paul Ryan, which, of course, I’m not). Willard Jackassticus Lannister Romney, Lord of the Robo-men and professional collector of electoral defeats, erstwhile Lord Protector of the Olympics and governor of a state he will not name, has decided not to compete for Nixon Crown of Double Nomination and seek the 2016 GOP nomination.

On Friday, Romney emerged from the Hall of Audiences in Castle Romney, his mountain fastness hewn from the very living rock high in the Utah Alps. Surrounded by House Romney retainers, with a light snow dusting their aluminum battle armor, Romney addressed a small surprised crowd of freshman journalism majors from Utah Alps Community College who were there filming a documentary no one would watch for a class they all bitterly regretted taking. He mounted the rostrum where the father of his organic components, George Romney, had once announced that he would challenge thrice-damned dark mage Richard Nixon for the 1968 GOP nomination. “My friends!” he shouted, though truthfully, no one there was his friend. “I shall not be your president!” he cried, as though everyone had not already known this for several years. Continue reading

Hey, Remember That Time Rand Paul Ran Away from a Mexican Immigrant?

Everyone will in 2016. This week, never stand up guy, and always an International Man of Plagiarism, Rand Paul, ran away from a Mexican Immigrant DREAMer on the basis that she could potentially ask him a bunch of questions that could lead to his saying something about immigration that could maybe coincide or not with the contradicting statements he’s made about immigration reform. Continue reading

The Charge of the GOP Brigade

Later today, the United States Senate will vote on and presumably pass a plan to end the government shutdown and raise the debt ceiling. The legislation will then go on to the House, where it is expected to pass as well. It will end up on President Obama’s desk, who will sign it.

Congratulations everybody, we’ve just barely avoided complete and total disaster.

Now it’s time for the fallout. Continue reading

Impeachment for Default? Louie Gohmert Is Half Right and Completely Wrong

On Sunday, Representative Louie Gohmert (R-TX) spoke with a reporter for The Young Turks. The reporter asked “Would you allow us to default on our debt?” and Gohmert replied “No, that would be an impeachable offense by the President.”

Gohmert is half right. Unfortunately for him, it’s not the half he thinks is right. Continue reading

We Don’t Believe in Science: Republicans Block Science Laureate Positions

ScientistsConservative interest groups strike again against climate change awareness. This time, it was to help withdraw a bill to create an honorary Science Laureate position.

The House bill, HR 1891, would have created up to three unpaid laureate positions. These positions would be the scientific equivalent of the US Poet Laureate – to honor an accomplished scientist and to raise awareness on and encourage science education, particularly for girls and minorities. It originally had bipartisan support and was even co-sponsored by Rep. Lamar Smith (R-TX), which is unusual given the current political climate. Continue reading

Republicans Unwittingly Present Their Own Ideals for Public Health in Ads Against Obama

With open enrollment under the Affordable Care Act beginning October 1, GOP think tanks have stepped up their efforts to discredit “Obamacare”. The most lurid example so far might be twin ads from Generation Opportunity, an organization that seeks to put a youthful, peppy spin on stuffy Tea Party goals.
Continue reading

Ted Cruz and the GOP’s Unnatural Birth Problem

Canadian-born U.S. senator Pablo “Ted” Cruz announced he will renounce his Canadian citizenship and defect permanently to his adopted homeland, the United States. Cruz, who is widely expected to seek the Wingnut Republican presidential nomination in 2016, had come under increasing pressure to explain the circumstances of his birth to Republican leaders who are obsessed with vaginas and things that come out of vaginas, like babies. Continue reading