Ricardo “Shoeless Dick” Santorum spoke at the GOP convention on Tuesday. He spent Monday night in the hobo camp near the convention center, drinking stolen Cigar City Jai-Lai Pale Ale and eating Cuban sandwiches and black beans salvaged from the dumpster behind the Columbia Restaurant. The one-time senator is very fond of beans. “Goddamn,” he told his fellow hobos. “Those are some damn good beans.” Continue reading
To think, ’tis only May 1, and America’s favorite space-grifter and her most beloved hater of colleges have packed up and left the deranged playground that was the 2012 GOP presidential primary. Now that the least heinous most likable 1%er of the crop has been chosen, the side show collection of contenders will slowly slide back into the murky depths of K-street lobbying firms and Heritage Foundation-like ‘think-tanks’. Continue reading
Read that title again, slowly. Okay? Okay.
Ron Paul: The Road to REVOLution is in development and it is already 100% funded on its Kickstarter page. There will be 50 levels corresponding to each state where the player will collect money and delegates. Along the way, 13 Federal Reserve “boss fights” will be unlocked. The goal is to Continue reading
Last time we talked, Willard Romney was squeaking out a win in Michigan, Rick Santorum was frothing at the mouth, Newt was complaining about something, and Ron Paul was freezing gold bars in his Frigidaire.
That was over a week ago, though. Tonight, tonight is the big one my friends. Super Tuesday! Polls in Ohio close at 7:30, and the dominos start falling from there. Ten states are up for grabs, and with Romney whittling away Ricky’s lead in Ohio in recent days, it certainly looks to be anyone’s guess who walks away from tonight the big winner. Continue reading
In the midst of a seemingly endless primary season, one of the more interesting subtexts of each state’s GOP primary is the fundraising boost the winner has received in the immediate aftermath of their victory. Moon Pilgrim Newt Gingrich saw it after his South Carolina victory in January, and, on the heels of a three state sweep on Tuesday, Rick Santorum felt the sweet embrace of conservative donors stuffing grubby singles into his sweater vest. Continue reading
Ron Paul supporters believe a lot of whacky things–like, for example, that he is a Texan, when all sensible people know that he is a 3000-year-old Bronze Age shaman doomed to walk the earth until the gold of Osiris is returned.
This past week, I’ve noticed two particularly crack-potty theories being promulgated by Paul supporters, which I will deconstruct for you. The first is that Gingrich and Santorum are mathematically incapable of being nominated, because they aren’t on the ballot in enough states; the second is that Ron Paul’s fiendishly clever plan to lose every primary will get him enough delegates to get nominated. Continue reading