OK, sorry. I am putting this up at the last minute, but I would hate to deny the masochists in our community the opportunity to watch this one. Continue reading
GOP
50 posts
Mitt Romney stunt-double and Fantastic Four frontman Jon Huntsman stunned the dozens of people still following his campaign when he announced he was dropping out of the presidential race. Picking listlessly at his Low Country Boil Platter at Cap’n Barnacle’s in Charleston, Huntsman told largely indifferent customers that there was little point in continuing his campaign in South Carolina given his low poll numbers, his loathing of sweetened iced tea, and his mild shrimp allergy. Sources at Cap’n Barnacle’s say Huntsman’s campaign credit card was declined, and he paid with cash borrowed from his parents. Huntsman spokesman Ben Grimm said the former Utah governor would endorse Massachusetts artificial life-form Willard Romney, “the only remaining candidate who shares Huntsman’s firm belief in a strong, Galactus-free America.” Huntsman supporters, such as they are, can console themselves with the knowledge that he lasted longer than professional jackass Herman Cain, or hapless laughingstock and corndog eating contest also-ran Tim Pawlenty. Continue reading
Welcome back to hell gang. Tonight ‘s debate is on ABC and is co-sponsored by Yahoo News so look for some really scary questions from the online crowd. Why are we suffering through one of these tonight? I guess the GOP wants the terrorists to win. Continue reading
With Michele Bachmann’s animated corpse of a campaign in dire trouble, the couple have been spotted at local places of worship attempting to get the attention of their Higher Power, or practice telekinesis or photosynthesis. I dunno. You tell me what’s going on in this picture.
“Are you there Gaaaahd? It’s me Michele.” She begins quietly.
“Elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist…” Marcus practices, as if waving from a motorcade.
You know the rules: There’s only one rule in Open Caption: Be Funny. Continue reading
Great Raptor Jesus, there is still one more debate tonight before the fucking Iowa Caucus. The debate will take place in lovely Sioux City, Iowa. The sponsors are the Iowa Republican Party (a fine group, I am sure) and the shrill and always pointless Fox News. Try to to cry America.
Tonight’s big sparks are probably going to fly between Mitt (The Twit) Romney and his freakish, terror-inducing opponent Newt Gingrich. However, as Cleter has pointed out, there is an ancient and blood-thirsty spirit poised to play the spoiler in Iowa. Ron Paul is rising from the crypt to bring some libertarian vengance on those fancy, blow-dried college boys. With Paul coming in neck and fat-neck with Gingrich, Dr. Paul may have the confidence to raise a little hell.
I started my career in software development. One day, shortly after I started, my team was having a meeting in which we were discussing that period’s workload. There were new items, old items, and really old items. Some of these issues had been present since the software launched years earlier, and no one could seem to crack them. The running joke was that these things had been present in the software so long, they were no longer bugs, but features, and if we removed them we would get approximately a billion support phone calls from users that had been working around it for so long they had no idea what to do once it was finally fixed. They had been a problem for so long, they had gone from being bugs, to being features. Continue reading
I simply don’t get it. He consistently gets crappy poll numbers (single digits) and is raising very little money. So little money, that Ron Paul raised about as much money in one day as he did in a whole quarter. Ron Paul. THAT’s how bad he is.
So I pondered this question: Why? The only thing I could come up with is that he is looking for some sort of endorsement deal or writing a book. I mean, what else is he going to do?
So here is the question, what product or service do you think he is particularly qualified to promote?
It’s been a while since we’ve poked fun at a GOP Presidential Candidate photo. This image is stuffed with possibility as tightly as Newt is packed into that suit. Tight like Mrs. Cain holding her fingers to her ears when you try to explain to her what “Running Game” and “Fronting” mean. You guys know the rules: There aren’t any rules, just don’t not be funny.
So it’s been a whole ten minutes since GOP debate 17,460. Are we in withdrawal yet? No, not really, but we should catch up on what the Best and Brightest of the GOP has been doing in the last week or so. After all, until the President gets his wish, you know the one he told Jay Leno about two nights ago (see below), all we can do is watch and learn, folks…watch and learn.
The GOP is a mastermind coalition of terrific genius. Seriously. They are like the one true faction in identifying a problem, but not looking to solve it fairly and amicably or perhaps with honor and nobility. No, not at all. Instead of taking their message to the streets by producing the best campaigns they can muster, and letting the voting chips fall where they may in November 2012, the GOP plans to put Rick Perry, or Mittens Romney, or that crazy corndog, Michele Bachmann in the white house by basically taking the ability to vote away from millions of people in the next presidential election. Continue reading