Sure, the corpses of the fallen in the 2014 election are scarce cold in their political graves, but hey, the Iowa caucuses are a mere 53 weeks away. 2016 is coming! On the Democratic side, it’s still not clear which obscure weirdo Hillary Clinton will blow her prohibitive lead to, but the Republican side is shaping up to be quite the busy clown orgy. Let’s gaze in dismay at this gabbling horror of potential GOP 2016 candidates! Continue reading
Rick Santorum
15 posts
To think, ’tis only May 1, and America’s favorite space-grifter and her most beloved hater of colleges have packed up and left the deranged playground that was the 2012 GOP presidential primary. Now that the least heinous most likable 1%er of the crop has been chosen, the side show collection of contenders will slowly slide back into the murky depths of K-street lobbying firms and Heritage Foundation-like ‘think-tanks’. Continue reading
On Tuesday, at a rail yard hobo-camp near Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, not far from where old Zebulon Romney sold loads of defective beans to Union Army quarter-masters during the Civil War, news spread like cholera or wildfire or some other fast-spreading thing that Richard “Shoeless Dick” Santorum, the hobo senator, was ending his presidential campaign. The senator, wearing his trademark overalls and clutching a Big Gulp cup full of gin and Sprite, spoke before a small crowd of hobos, tramps, pimps, train-whores, steampunks, and blood plasma merchants. Tears and gin streaked his grimy face. Continue reading
Santorum, now in a contentious fight for the Republican nomination, has entered the playground taunts and mocking part of his campaign. You’ll remember his glee last week at equating rival, Mitt Romney with an Etch-A-Sketch symbolizing the former Massachusetts Governor’s penchant for flip-flopping on issues, at times within the same sentence. Continue reading
Something called the Harris Family Band, or better known by their stage name, First Love, which seems to be a modern day conservative Partridge Family — sans bell-bottoms and cool mom — has created an ode to Rick Santorum. Continue reading
This is the only way to make sure Rick Santorum gets the nomination. Continue reading
When Rick Santorum said last week that “any kind of sexual activity has absolutely no place in the military” he gravely offended not only gay service members, but also straight ones who happen to be in relationships, and people who have watched Full Metal Jacket. But did you know that he was also contradicting one of the great founders of Western civilization?
One may be tempted to read Santorum’s statement as merely a deceptive facade of evenhandedness, where the gay-hating audience will get the intended target while everyone else ignores the implications for hetero service members because, really, who would be ridiculous enough to actually believe that? Presumably, the guy who uttered this gem on CNN: Continue reading
The Florida GOP primary may be a distant and not-too-grand memory for Rick Santorum, but an important and much more widely followed Florida event has attracted ol’ Ricky’s attention today. If you happen across Santorum’s name emblazoned across a perpetually left-turning vehicle on the television today, it’s not your hangover. That’s right, the sometimes-leader in the GOP presidential primary death-match has purchased a sponsorship of a car in today’s Daytona 500. Continue reading
I assume you’ve been paying close attention to Rick Santorum’s rhetoric. If you’re not, then jeez, this must be a really boring political season for you. But if you are paying attention, then you know that Rick Santorum says things, and that the things he says, they mean things, other things, important things. Republicans seem to agree: Santorum is a good speaker, which is important in a President, unless that President is Barack Obama, in which case good speaking skills only prove what a strange, dangerous Other he is. Continue reading
Welcome to a new and exciting feature: The Collected Santorum Dribblings.
Rick Santorum, after a greasy slide to the front of the race for the Republican Presidential nomination, is finally being paid some serious attention by the national press.
Is this a good thing? Maybe not for him, maybe not for his campaign, but it’s certainly hilarious to poke fun at the worst Republican public speaker since Dubya ran to his hidey hole a few years back.
Let’s aim to not only make this a fun pursuit, but an educational one as well — it’s our duty as citizens to find a place to absorb all the Santorum dribs and drabs, to help us create a coherent picture of this candidate, made of all the squits and squirts of Santorum we find every day. Continue reading