Panic in Detroit! Enjoy the latest GOP debate hellfest! See America’s Most Hated Canadian pummel the Great Orange Monster with his soft little fists! Watch the wee Boy Senator make poopy face! Hear homespun bullshit from that other guy! Mourn the absence of the smooooth soft jazz stylings of Dr Ambien! Starts at 9:00 Eastern on Fox News. You can live stream it here. Continue reading
2016 primaries
15 posts
Behold, the final GOP debate before Super Tuesday, where young Marco Rubio is poised to win more participation trophies! See the Amazing Sweating Boy! Gawk at the World’s Most Despised Canadian! Despair at the jackass who will most likely be the nominee! Oh, and the governor of Ohio and some somnambulant doctor will also be there. It’s on CNN at 8:30 PM Eastern. You can livestream it here.
America doesn’t deserve another Bush presidency. Sad deflated balloon animal Jeb Bush is dropping out of the presidential race. Continue reading
Tonight the surviving Republican preztestants leave the harsh frozen maple wastes of New Hampshire and go to the swampy seditious mire of South Carolina, home of the next primary. Who will take on gargantuan cartoon colossus Donald Trump? Unlikeable Canadian Ted Cruz? Flavor-of-the-week John Kasich? Shorted-out sadness droid-child Marco Rubio? Ghostly apparition Jebulon Bush? Watch and mock/weep! The debate is on CBS at 9:00 Eastern. You can watch the stream here. Continue reading
New Jersey governor and gravitational phenomenon Chris Christie has taken the cannolis and left the presidential race after coming in a disappointing thirty-second place in the New Hampshire primary. Continue reading
Yesterday, your humble correspondent went undercover disguised as a New Hampshire voter — corduroy pants, L.L. Bean sweater and sensible winter footwear — as distinct from the pack of campaign reporters flown in from places like the District of Columbia and Brooklyn, dressed in skinny jeans, striped dress shirts, slim-cut blazers and overlong, square-toed dress shoes. Continue reading
Last night, the surviving GOP candidates met in New Hampshire, America’s quaint Christmas village, for the final debate before the doom-bringing of the New Hampshire primaries. The candidates included America’s most loathesome Canadian, Texas senator Rafael Theodosius Cruz, JC Penney’s Boys Department suit model and part-time junior varsity senator Marco Rubio, anger-spirit and claymation-Christmas-special villain Donald Trump, living Quaalude Ben Carson, and a trio of battered governors: son-of-a-mailman John Kasich, Harkonnen-on-the-Hudson Chris Christie, and sad deflated balloon animal Jeb! Bush. It was not the best of nights for the boy senator. Continue reading
Here it is, the last GOP debate before the Great New Hampshire Winnowing! Watch America’s Most Hated Canadian! See The Boy Senator! Watch the last member of the House of Bush bring shame upon his dynasty! It’s on ABC at 8:00 Eastern. Continue reading
Iowa has spoken! Ted Cruz has bathed in the sacred ethanol and been annointed by Iowa’s pig-men. Let’s commence with the wailing and gnashing of teeth. Continue reading
Behold, the poorly-timed Saturday night Democratic candidate debate! See The Butcher of Benghazi and the old man who yells at clouds! Struggle to remember the name of Governor Whatshisname, The Other Guy! Join us and weep/laugh! Stream it here or watch on CBS, the network Grandpa watched Matlock on! Starts at 9:00 PM. Continue reading