newt gingrich

13 posts

If Progressive Caucus’ ‘Back to Work Budget’ Gets Ignored, Does it Even Exist?

While my NPR station was blathering on about fake Serious Person Paul Ryan and his masturbatory homage to Ayn Rand and the slightly more realistic budget coming from Sen. Patty Murray and Senate Democrats, the House Progressive Caucus quietly (in media terms) released its Back to Work Budget this week.

Contained within is a whole host of liberal red meat: Tax increases on the wealthy! Infrastructure investments! Investment income taxed like wage income! Initiatives to target climate change! It also has a healthy dose of unintended irony.

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America’s Love Affair with Rick Santorum Comes to an End

On Tuesday, at a rail yard hobo-camp near Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, not far from where old Zebulon Romney sold loads of defective beans to Union Army quarter-masters during the Civil War, news spread like cholera or wildfire or some other fast-spreading thing that Richard “Shoeless Dick” Santorum, the hobo senator, was ending his presidential campaign. The senator, wearing his trademark overalls and clutching a Big Gulp cup full of gin and Sprite, spoke before a small crowd of hobos, tramps, pimps, train-whores, steampunks, and blood plasma merchants. Tears and gin streaked his grimy face. Continue reading

Sad Old Hate-Machine Newt Gingrich Charging for Pictures and Cutting Staff

By this point in the evening you godless liberals have likely already been made aware that Newt Gingrich is making the curious move of charging the few followers he still has $50 for the privilege of being photographed with him. That’s not the only change taking place around under the large rocks from which Gingrich HQ operates. See, Newt is a True Conservative, and knows that one can’t just address a budgetary issue through raising revenues. There must also be cuts to wasteful, inefficient programs, which is the perfect allegory for Newt’s entire campaign. Continue reading

Sarah Palin Maybe Thinks About Endorsing Someone

Sarah Palin the queen of infuriating coy wordplay wanted to wring out the announcement of who she voted for in last night’s Alaska caucus until the very last dregs of relevancy could be gleaned. Which means until everyone interested, Fox News, CNN, practically threw up their hands and said, “Look, tell us, or we’re shutting off your mic.” Continue reading

South Carolina has Spoken!

Except that no one liked him, everything was going so well for Romney. Until South Carolina.

Mighty South Carolina has spoken!  The filth encrusted pig men of Iowa chose Romney Santorum! The flinty maple miners of New Hampshire chose Romney! Now, the salt-encrusted shimp-herds of South Carolina get to close the deal and pick the real nominee, Willard “Inevitable” Romney! Oh, hell, they picked loathsome space-creature Newton Leroy Gingrich. This screws up everything. South Carolina basically fell on the floor and started jabbering like Rick Moranis in “Ghostbusters.”
The GOP campaign traditionally starts with Iowa’s Over-Pig rising from a hog-farm shit-lagoon and anointing a candidate with his corn-scepter. This year, the squealing pig men dumped the traditional waste-encrusted Gatorade cooler full of victory ethanol over the head of Willard “10k” Romney, who won by only eight pig-votes. Continue reading

Mitt Romney Shows His Hand And It’s Filled With Money!

Well, apparently, now whenever Mitt Romney speaks we can pretty much expect a carafe of gold bars and silver spoons to come flying out his blustery jaws. He’s like a robotic fountain made of money! Would that make him an ATM? Perhaps! But he’s not giving you anything, you pitiless peasants! Know why? He pays a lower tax rate than you do because he’s a rich, sultan of immense wealth who’s found a way to take advantage of every tax break that exists in federal policy. Basically, old Mittens, sees you standing there in your sensible shoes and dystopian misery and comes along with a platinum-coated battering ram and knocks all you ingrates into the sea. He is the Mormonator.

Kiss his ring you supplicants. Continue reading

The Battle for the Soul of the GOP

From Glenn Beck, via Mediaite:

“If you have a big government progressive, or a big government progressive in Obama… ask yourself this, Tea Party: is it about Obama’s race? Because that’s what it appears to be to me. If you’re against him but you’re for this guy, it must be about race. I mean, what else is it? It’s the policies that matter.”


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