When Rick Santorum said last week that “any kind of sexual activity has absolutely no place in the military” he gravely offended not only gay service members, but also straight ones who happen to be in relationships, and people who have watched Full Metal Jacket. But did you know that he was also contradicting one of the great founders of Western civilization?
One may be tempted to read Santorum’s statement as merely a deceptive facade of evenhandedness, where the gay-hating audience will get the intended target while everyone else ignores the implications for hetero service members because, really, who would be ridiculous enough to actually believe that? Presumably, the guy who uttered this gem on CNN:
“I think that could be a very compromising situation, where people naturally may do things that may not be in the interest of the mission because of other types of emotions that are involved. I think that probably — it already happens, of course, with the camaraderie of men in combat, but I think it would be even more unique if women were in combat. And I think that’s not in the best interests of men, women or the mission.”
If we take this, as well as his later ‘clarification’ at face value, it would seem that Santorum truly believes that the potential for romantic and sexual attraction among soldiers creates a dangerous distraction that reduces their effectiveness in battle and jeopardizes their missions. Which is why it’s interesting to contrast with this passage, spoken by the character Phaedrus in Plato’s Symposium:
And if there were only some way of contriving that a state or an army should be made up of lovers and their loves, they would be the very best governors of their own city, abstaining from all dishonour, and emulating one another in honour; and when fighting at each other’s side, although a mere handful, they would overcome the world. For what lover would not choose rather to be seen by all mankind than by his beloved, either when abandoning his post or throwing away his arms? He would be ready to die a thousand deaths rather than endure this. Or who would desert his beloved or fail him in the hour of danger? The veriest coward would become an inspired hero, equal to the bravest, at such a time; Love would inspire him. That courage which, as Homer says, the god breathes into the souls of some heroes, Love of his own nature infuses into the lover.
So, the very things Santorum claimed would be a weakness in battle, Plato (or at least his mouthpiece in this section) believed would be a source of strength.
Well, that’s a lovely thought, but we all know that debates between a bunch of intellectuals who have probably never seen real battle never have any effect on actual military policy, right? Actually, the Thebans were so moved by the idea that they did in fact create an “Army of Lovers” that came to be known as the Sacred Band of Thebes – a legion composed of 300 male couples, each consisting of an older charioteer and a younger spearman (terms which, incidentally, would make much more awesome sexual euphemisms than the old “catcher” and “pitcher”). They were placed in the front ranks in order to boost morale. Yes, you read that right: in those times it was actually believed that other soldiers would find it inspiring to fight alongside devoted male lovers, as opposed to the current view that they would desert en masse in a fit of homophobic paranoia.
Under the leadership of Pelopidas, the legion went on to become the elite branch of the Theban Army, routing a much larger Spartan army at the Battle of Tegyra and playing a major role in Sparta’s decisive defeat at the Battle of Leuctra.
Unfortunately, their glory was eventually cut short at the Battle of Chaeronia, where they were defeated by the Macedonian cavalry, led by Philip II’s young son Alexander.
Unsurprisingly, the Sacred Band chose to stand their ground in the face of the cavalry assault and were slaughtered to the last man (well, almost to the last man). According to Plutarch, upon seeing the corpses of his hunky enemies piled up on top of each other, Philip exclaimed “Perish any man who suspects that these men either did or suffered anything unseemly” – which sounds like it was aimed directly at future Santorums.
In conclusion, when we consider the success of the Sacred Band of Thebes (unless you count being eventually defeated after 40 years of military dominance by the future conqueror of the world as a failure), the lesson is clear. Don’t ban gays from the military – ban straights.
