Daily Archives: May 4, 2011

13 posts

QOTD: The Worst Movie You’ve Ever Seen

Ah, bad movies. They come in so many different forms. You have “So bad as to be amusing in a Mystery Science Theater 3000 way”. There’s “Bad, but also kind of entertaining”. But then, there’s also the flat out “I can’t believe I just paid $10 plus $6 for stale popcorn to see that garbage” (Think Battlefield Earth). Personally, I’ve only ever walked out of one movie in my lifetime, and that happened when I was in high school. That cinematic atrocity? Copland. Sly Stallone as a deaf-in-one-ear sheriff of a town full up with corrupt NYPD cops? Huh. Sounds nuanced. Guess what? It wasn’t. Plodding, idiotic, and confusing? Absolutely. I went with friends to see this moving the summer after my senior year of high school. We had free tickets from a friend who worked at the theater, I think. We lasted maybe an hour. What about you guys? What’s the worst, actual worst, movie you’ve ever seen?

The Worst of American Cuisine

Do you ever watch TV and see an advertisement for some food item that conjures the worst feelings in your normally placid yum-place, but really you just want to know why? Why does this particular thing exist? Who buys it? And just who is in the food laboratory wearing their “find something weird” hat and thinking up the most excessive, noxious thing ever slapped between two pieces of bread and making the decision that, “Yup, a veritable horde of people will eat this!” All you really know is that guy should be slapped with a heaping KFC slop bowl.
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The Fall

This spill…was special.

I knew I was in trouble after I’d spent ten minutes crawling around on concrete in the 25 degree weather, in the icy breeze blowing off the lake, looking for a tooth that may, at one time, have been in my mouth, without success.   The part of brain not in crisis mode and still well-acquainted with my Girl Scout training said, “Say, I understand you’re concerned about spitting out mouthfuls of blood but do you think you should still be on the ground in icy weather when you might be going into shock? I mean, don’t you think your dentist could just make you a new tooth, if need be?” This is the part of my brain that likes to sprawl on a ledge overseeing the panic neurons as it relaxes with a glass of Riesling.

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Life, Death and Violence: A Study of May 4

Oh my god. We really can’t believe that we’re standing up here, talking to all of you people. We’ve worked so hard and we’ve failed so much so that, we’re sorry for tearing up. We really are! It’s just, we’re so happy right now. We mean, obviously we have to thank the Academy for rewarding us with this great achievement that all of the other nominees deserved just as much. Go you! Go you! We’re all winners, even if we’re the ones with the statue. Oh! We’re just a little hot up here (fans selves). This is just so exciting! We came from a small town without the support of anyone but screw you all now! Screw you all! We made it and you’re watching us on television right now! We made it! We made it. (softer) We made it. And it’s all because we believed. We believed in our writers. We believed in our producers. We believed in the little people that make this all happen and, of course, we believed in God because He’s the one that gave us all this talent and He’s the one that’s opened up the doors so that we could share it, not only with everyone in this room, but with everyone in the world. (raises trophy above head) We did it!
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The True Story of the Phantom Pooper

It was Spring.  I remember it vividly, because it was a cold Spring. We were still getting snow in late May. We lived in a large rental home with a very small fenced in backyard. It was nice and grassy and good only for the patio space for grilling, but nothing you could run around in. We left food out for our neighbor’s cat. Her name was Zoey and the owner was never home and she loved us, but we couldn’t let her inside because my male cat is a complete asshole when it comes to other animals.

We had these double French doors that led to the back yard with big panes of glass in them. The cats loved to sit there and stare outside and soak up the sun. We even installed a squirrel feeder on the fence so they would have some “TV” to watch. My cats are indoor-only cats, when I was a kid I was losing a cat every six months to some speeding jackass in a car, so we adopted de-clawed ones and kept them inside. They live longer and so does my furniture. Dusty, the male, would attack the glass every time he saw another animal in our backyard.  Just because he couldn’t go out there didn’t mean it wasn’t his territory.

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A History of Pixelated Violence

Boss Fight Bunneh

Note: This article was written by Madfall with very minor edits provided by LeftCoastLady. Madfall was shy about submitting it under his own moniker.

Action games are like any other drug, you start off with something simple and seemingly harmless — in my case it was “Tomb Raider 2” — and in no time at all you’re playing something like “Silent Hill 2,” a product so terrifying that it actually made me whimper aloud in more than one place.

I always had a passing interest in games growing up but being as poor as a church mouse I never had an Atari, NES, SNES or any of the consoles that came before the Playstation — the Playstation was my downfall.
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