fantasy

3 posts

A History of Pixelated Violence

Boss Fight Bunneh

Note: This article was written by Madfall with very minor edits provided by LeftCoastLady. Madfall was shy about submitting it under his own moniker.

Action games are like any other drug, you start off with something simple and seemingly harmless — in my case it was “Tomb Raider 2” — and in no time at all you’re playing something like “Silent Hill 2,” a product so terrifying that it actually made me whimper aloud in more than one place.

I always had a passing interest in games growing up but being as poor as a church mouse I never had an Atari, NES, SNES or any of the consoles that came before the Playstation — the Playstation was my downfall.
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Movie Review: Your Highness

Your Highness

Starring: Danny McBride, James Franco, Natalie Portman, Zooey Deschanel

Directed by: David Gordon Green

Written by: Danny McBride, Ben Best

What do you get when you mix some of the sensibilities of  The Princess Bride, creatures that could belong in 80’s Jim Henson fantasy films, a dash of Pineapple Express stoner action and the humor of Eastbound & Down? That may be a rhetorical question because the answer is obvious; you get Your Highness.

The film has a pretty basic premise. When noble Prince Fabius (Franco) has his bride to be, Belladonna (Deschanel), kidnapped by the evil wizard Leezar (Justin Theroux) he sets out on a quest to rescue her accompanied by his lazy stoner brother Thadeous (McBride) and his brother’s manservant Courtney (Rasmus Hardiker). Along the way they encounter the fierce warrior maiden Isabel(Portman) who has a score to settle with Leezar herself.

I was sold on this concept from the very first moment I heard about it. Medieval fantasy? Check. Absurd premise? Check. Actors I enjoy? Check. Animatronic creatures? Check. Great director whose already proven himself with “stoner” films? Check. It seemed to me like it had so much potential. And Danny (Kenny Fuckin’ Powers) McBride not only stars in it but co wrote the feature as well. It brought to mind some of my favorite childhood films like Krull, Dragonslayer and Ladyhawke but with fouler language. I thought this is a sure thing.

However, it kind of misses the mark. It’s not as though the film isn’t funny, in fact it has a number of lines, scenes and sequences that I find downright hilarious. But I can’t help but feel it’s a bit restrained in spite of the R rating.

Which is rather unfortunate. First of all, I thought Franco and McBride were great. They were able to play off each other in a way that was effective without being overly cheesy (though this film did require a degree of cheesiness). Franco with his unwavering determination and charm and McBride with his crass humor and vulgarities in full swing.

Justin Theroux in my mind kind of stole every scene he was in. Leezar is a ridiculous character and Theroux brings a lot to the table with the scenes he does have. He also has some of the better lines in the film all told in my mind.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Rasmus Hardiker as Courtney. I had never seen him in anything before but I felt he had pretty excellent comic timing and added a lot to the film.

Writing women does not seem to be McBride and writing partner Ben Best’s strong suite however. Natalie Portman looked great (she always does) but her character was pretty one sided. She did have a few ridiculous lines delivered in the exact same tone as everything else she said. That was probably intended to help the humor, but to me it distracted from it. As for Zooey Deschanel she’s hardly in the movie at all and serves more as a plot device than a real character.

This is a very different style of film for director David Gordon Green. Sure he covered stoner territory in Pineapple Express, but this was a big budget medieval fantasy stoner film. I honestly don’t think the issue was his direction. And might I add that the cinematography was excellent (they shot in Northern Ireland, what a beautiful country).

I think what it comes down to is that they didn’t or perhaps couldn’t utilize fully what they had. There were hardly any stoner related jokes or gags and one would expect that to be prevalent. Although it was quite funny in parts it always felt like there was just a little something missing. Which is really too bad because I wanted to love this movie and just ended up liking it. I give it 3 and a half beers.

The Weekly What-If

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This is going to be the first in a regular series designed to encourage creativity in the comments section.

Christopher Evans once described science fiction as the “literature of the ‘what-if?'” What if it were possible to travel to another planet? What if aliens invaded the Earth? What if it were possible to time travel?

That final question is going to be our first what-if subject today.

For inspiration, I would like to turn to the amazing independent fantasy film, The Navigator: A Medaeval Odyssey, about a group of medieval monks who travel to the 20th century and try to find meaning in it. As they are from the middle ages, they see everything in religious terms and turn the whole thing into an allegory.

Let’s make this a little simpler though, since this is our first outing. Imagine a scientific experiment where an Irish monk from the 14th century is brought into the present day, but is unable to be sent back again. This is in a controlled environment, so he has not been exposed to the outside world yet. It is your job to help him understand this world he is going to go out into. You must describe one object from our modern era in terms he can understand. This will be translated by expert linguists into his language, so you can write it in plain English (avoid cheesy thees and thous), but you must describe it in terms of things that existed in Europe no later than the 14th century.

I will begin, using something relatively easy to describe, a car.

A car is much like a horse and cart, but it is entirely clad in a thick armor, so you cannot see what moves the cart. It is a very swift creature that moves it, because it goes faster than any horse can run, making a loud roar as it goes. Despite looking like something fit for battle, these are used peacefully to transport several people and goods across long distances. You do not need to be afraid of cars and will probably ride inside of them, but stay away from them when they move and make sure to look carefully for them when crossing the broad roads on which they travel.

Your turn!