Sex playlists can be a tricky thing. Obviously, the drunker you are, the less it matters. With four Lagavulins in me, I could get my groove on to Threnody For The Victims Of Hiroshima.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfBVYhyXU8o
But this is for the times when you’re lucid, and looking to create a vibe.
Old school Hollywood mogul Robert Evans once said about his dress habits “If someone compliments my tie, I go home and I’ll shred that tie. I don’t want to make the tie look good; I want the tie to make me look good.” Your playlist should be viewed the same way. Nobody should stop in the middle and compliment the song. If that happens, take that song out. The music is there as background noise to help move things along, not provide entertainment.
With this playlist, one thing we’re going to stay away from is love songs. This list is about fucking, and as the only good version of Van Halen said, I ain’t talking about love.
Another thing is songs about having sex. Yes, they talk about penises an awful lot, but 2 Live Crew isn’t a good group to get your swerve on to. What you’re looking for here is tone. You’re going to get that from the music, not the lyrics. Besides, going back to Mr. Evans’ tie, you don’t want people paying attention to lyrics, you want them paying attention to what’s in your pants.
You want a vibe of intensity, and relaxation. You want to get the other party worked up into a slow jam lather. If you’re one of those people who says “I only bone to Deicide,
then I can’t help you, man. You are entirely too hardcore for me, and you should probably seek professional help.
For everyone else who doesn’t stab puppies, you want something with a beat. Laid back, maybe with a woman singing. We will start with one of the more obvious choices
This has funky keyboards, a slow beat, a fucking sexy voice, and a bass breakdown in the middle. The sexiest instruments in descending order are: bass, suitcase piano (the thing on “Where It’s At” by Beck), drum machine, strings, guitar, trumpet, clarinet, kazoo
These two are perfect. The lyrics aren’t in English, or any language really, they’re long, they start out slow and build to awesomeness, and they’re amazing pieces of music. At first listen, I thought they were too mopey. But when I got them out in the field and did some research with them, I realized they were perfect. Post-Rock seems to have the perfect vibe for getting down with some sexing. Check this one out as well
Don’t be afraid to think out of the box here, either. If any of you are familiar with Tom Waits, you know that his raspy voice sounds like he spent a lifetime drinking bourbon and eating rust. Hardly something that stirs the loins. But check this jam out:
Hear the rhythm? It’s fluid. There’s not a steady tempo to it. That’s what give the track its swag.
Here’s an example of the lyrics not having any bearing on the sexiness of the track
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tOpwgrqshU
Economic woes rarely make for sexy jamz, but the bongos and the multi-tracked vocals really do it for me.
And because every rule has its exceptions, I give you the exception to songs explicitly about sex
I dated a girl whose panties dissolved at the first notes of this song.
What these songs all have in common is a laid back feel, with the underlying vibe that they could take off at any time. I know, I sound like an asshole when I say that, but it’s true. That’s what your looking for in a sex playlist. Stay away from things like The Lonely Island. Jokey songs pull too much focus, and now you’re just listening to music rather than trying to get each other off.
So here is your intro to sexy times music. You have any better ideas? Let’s hear them.
