High in his mountain fastness of Castle Romney, hewn from the very living rock of the Utah Alps, Willard Jackasticus Mittonium Lannister Romney, Lord of the Robo-men, must make a decision. It was time to buy a new jillion-dollar dancing horse pick a running mate for the increasingly bizarre performance art piece that is Romney 2012, LLC. Continue reading
Only one thing on the agenda today: Mitt Romney’s Vice Presidential pick, Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan. Continue reading
The Catholic League, the nation’s largest Catholic civil rights organization (according to their website – I haven’t seen a study on this), is a group that “…defends the right of Catholics – lay and clergy alike – to participate in American public life without defamation or discrimination.” Okay. That’s nice. It’s awfully brave of you to stand up for the largest religious group in the United States. It’s inspiring me to form a group to stand up for the rights of meth manufacturers and users in California’s central valley. Continue reading
Last time we talked, Willard Romney was squeaking out a win in Michigan, Rick Santorum was frothing at the mouth, Newt was complaining about something, and Ron Paul was freezing gold bars in his Frigidaire.
That was over a week ago, though. Tonight, tonight is the big one my friends. Super Tuesday! Polls in Ohio close at 7:30, and the dominos start falling from there. Ten states are up for grabs, and with Romney whittling away Ricky’s lead in Ohio in recent days, it certainly looks to be anyone’s guess who walks away from tonight the big winner. Continue reading
In the midst of a seemingly endless primary season, one of the more interesting subtexts of each state’s GOP primary is the fundraising boost the winner has received in the immediate aftermath of their victory. Moon Pilgrim Newt Gingrich saw it after his South Carolina victory in January, and, on the heels of a three state sweep on Tuesday, Rick Santorum felt the sweet embrace of conservative donors stuffing grubby singles into his sweater vest. Continue reading
Appearing on Meet the Press yesterday, Chris Christie, or Governor Cheesesteak Britches, flapped his jaws about how much of a shitty president Newt Gingrich would be. And to that the rest of the world rolled their eyes into a coma, since this isn’t news. This is more like telling us Newt Gingrich is a philandering, racist, prick hole, who advocates for child labor and a myriad other arcane and insane ideas that will end in his putting his squat form on top of a mountain of poor people while they cart his bloated corpus to and fro like some sort of lunatic king of brain farts. Don’t tell us things we already know, Christie! Tell us how to stop him! Continue reading
So it’s really easy to find photos of these people. They have a ton of them over at Politico.com. Honestly I’m just there for the pictures. I read the articles about as much as anyone ever reads them in Maxim or some other quality publication. So let’s talk turkey: What do you think is going on in the picture above? Is Mittens explaining his interpretation of Joseph Smith’s “Word of Wisdom” where he exhorts the faithful from partaking in “Hot Drinks”, which the LDS church interprets to mean “No Coffee and No Tea?” (Note the carafe in the picture, sitting there – mocking him in silence). Continue reading
It seems Mitt Romney is suffering from a case of what I call ‘Not Christian Enough’. At the recent Values Voters Summit, Baptist minister Robert Jeffress took a swipe at Mr. Mittens calling him:
“a good, moral person, but someone who is part of a cult” [Bloomberg.com]
Somewhere in Iowa, likely in an cluster of temporary offices that once housed a Circuit City, Mitt Romney’s staffers are no doubt breathing a little easier today. Elsewhere, in his underground lair, Roger Ailes’ nightly glass of immigrant tears probably tastes just a little cleaner this evening.
That’s because Mike Huckabee announced on his show Saturday night that he will not seek the 2012 Republican nomination. Continue reading