5 posts

17 Crazy and Creative Ways to Ask for a Date

When I first ran across this handy guide by Barbara Seegmiller in a used bookstore a year ago, I fell in love with its kooky vintage greatness, for it is certainly creative and fun-loving and by following its rules you’ll definitely get…results. Published in 1986 with help from the English Department of Brigham Young University, it features a stern lecture from the then Associate Dean of BYU on the pitfalls of boredom in youth and boy does it deliver.

Packed with over 300 suggestions by the young in Seegmiller’s community on how to win over that special someone, CWtAfaD undulates wildly between the endearingly corny bad puns/clean cut fun of the ‘80s (i.e. “Give the person a pillow and with a note that says ‘Jane, I’d like you to go to the ___ with me. SLEEP ON IT, and then let me know!’”) and the clinically insane. Continue reading

Climbing Solo at the Hill Cumorah

In order to visit Jerusalem’s Temple Mount — which includes sites holy to Muslims, Jews, Christians and others — non-Muslims are expected to follow guidelines set by the Jordanian Ministry of Religious Places. In order to play a round of golf at the revered site of Augusta National, you need an invitation from a club member. To visit the Scientology Celebrity Center on Franklin Boulevard in Los Angeles, it surely helps to be a member of the church. And also a celebrity. Continue reading

Why It Doesn’t Surprise Me At All That Mitt Romney Was a High School Bully

I was mercilessly and relentlessly bullied from the day I moved to El Paso and started second grade until I began junior high school for every reason imaginable.

I was an easy fucking target. I was tall and skinny, with paper white skin, auburn hair and hazel eyes hidden behind enormous coke-bottle old-biddy glasses, a know-it-all attitude, a penchant for books that were way over my head, and a Central/East Texas accent that, thank Jesus, is no longer present. I wasn’t athletic (no, ballet didn’t count as a sport) and thanks to my huge-ass glasses (really, hipster girls, you had to bring that shit back didn’t you?) the only sport I was good at – basketball – came with a sense of inherent peril. As an only child, I had no idea how to negotiate playful banter. I took everything personally. And I fought back in possibly one of the least socially acceptable ways possible — by cursing my tormenters in Arabic and Armenian.  Yeah. You can imagine how that went over.  Continue reading

Utah does something crazy… for once

I know what you’re thinking. It’s Utah. What craziness could ever happen there? It’s totally not an insane mix of hillbilly death cult and fly-by-night Xango pyramid scheme zombies.

Well apparently they took a break from telling their third sister-wife to “STFU MARGENE OR YOU’RE GOING BACK TO THE “BAD” COMPOUND” and finally got around to some important state business:

(CNN) — Until this week, Utah had 24 state symbols, from tree (the blue spruce) to insect (the honeybee) to even cooking pot (the Dutch oven).

Now it’s added an official state firearm — the John M. Browning-designed M1911 pistol, becoming the first state in the nation to have one, according to the state legislator who sponsored the law.

Utah Gov. Gary Herbert signed the new symbol into law this week.

Look out, Arizona. Utah just made you its BITCH. Apparently this initiative was the brainchild child of something called a “State Rep. Carl Wimmer, a Republican who was a police officer and SWAT team commander.”

“There was more controversy than I anticipated, but it really passed with bipartisan support,” Wimmer said. “One of the biggest comments from the critics was that we should not honor an implement of death. And my response to that has always been that this firearm does not represent an implement of death. It represents an implement of freedom.”

YEAH. Guns aren’t deadly weapons. They’re all about giving freedom. Such the freedom to defend America from your fourth sister-wife WHO JUST FUCKING CANNOT LEARN HOW TO WASH THE DISHES RIGHT AFTER DINNER.

Where’s my gun at?

(Hat Tip: Mr.Anansi)