5 posts

Newt Gingrich Campaigns with Lizard-Man GOP Candidate Todd Akin

Vile space gangster Newton Leroy Gingrich hosted a campaign event on his luxurious orbiting pleasure barge, Infidelicus, for reptilian GOP Senate candidate Todd Akin. Akin, a widely despised man-lizard, has been something of a laughingstock since he revealed in an interview his total lack of knowledge about how human babies are made. Continue reading

Sad Old Hate-Machine Newt Gingrich Charging for Pictures and Cutting Staff

By this point in the evening you godless liberals have likely already been made aware that Newt Gingrich is making the curious move of charging the few followers he still has $50 for the privilege of being photographed with him. That’s not the only change taking place around under the large rocks from which Gingrich HQ operates. See, Newt is a True Conservative, and knows that one can’t just address a budgetary issue through raising revenues. There must also be cuts to wasteful, inefficient programs, which is the perfect allegory for Newt’s entire campaign. Continue reading

Thanks a Lot Minnesota, Missouri & Colorado

In the midst of a seemingly endless primary season, one of the more interesting subtexts of each state’s GOP primary is the fundraising boost the winner has received in the immediate aftermath of their victory. Moon Pilgrim Newt Gingrich saw it after his South Carolina victory in January, and, on the heels of a three state sweep on Tuesday, Rick Santorum felt the sweet embrace of conservative donors stuffing grubby singles into his sweater vest. Continue reading

Gingrich Releases Tax Information in Wake of Chris Christie’s Attempted Takedown

Appearing on Meet the Press yesterday, Chris Christie, or Governor Cheesesteak Britches, flapped his jaws about how much of a shitty president Newt Gingrich would be. And to that the rest of the world rolled their eyes into a coma, since this isn’t news. This is more like telling us Newt Gingrich is a philandering, racist, prick hole, who advocates for child labor and a myriad other arcane and insane ideas that will end in his putting his squat form on top of a mountain of poor people while they cart his bloated corpus to and fro like some sort of lunatic king of brain farts. Don’t tell us things we already know, Christie! Tell us how to stop him! Continue reading