Ricardo “Shoeless Dick” Santorum spoke at the GOP convention on Tuesday. He spent Monday night in the hobo camp near the convention center, drinking stolen Cigar City Jai-Lai Pale Ale and eating Cuban sandwiches and black beans salvaged from the dumpster behind the Columbia Restaurant. The one-time senator is very fond of beans. “Goddamn,” he told his fellow hobos. “Those are some damn good beans.” Continue reading
In a grimy rail yard outside Ybor City, a shoeless former senator hops off a freight car with practiced ease and makes his way through abandoned cigar factories to the grimy Interstate 4 overpass. “Screw you, Mitt Romney,” he mutters over and over again. “Screw you in the face.” It is his mantra now. At the bottle-strewn, urine soaked overpass, he is greeted by an honor guard of Florida hobos in soiled SANTORUM 2016 t-shirts who escort him to the hobo camp behind the convention center, where he is speaking on Tuesday night. Continue reading
It’s time to face some harsh truths. Motorcycles aren’t sexy. They’re noisy, dangerous, and inspire middle-aged men to ride around in tank tops sans helmets. Even The Fonz had trouble maintaining his cool veneer when crashing his motorcycle into a chicken stand.
It’s time to trade out those motorcycles for something better and brighter. To fill the space in your heart where you once parked your hog, here are 5 cycles that put motorcycles to shame: Continue reading
During a discussion about a potential tax increase in Lubbock County, Texas, Judge Tom Head explained that such an increase was necessary to plan for various emergency contingencies. Among those possible scenarios, Judge Head suggested the county needed to prepare for reelection of President Obama. He explains, “He’s going to try to hand over the sovereignty of the United States to the UN, and what is going to happen when that happens?” After you clean the coffee from your screen, feel free to read that last sentence again. The President, the United Nations and presumably, the New World Order are coming for the good citizens of Lubbock County and one man aims to stop it, Lexington/Concord style. Continue reading
By LaZiguezon and Dancing Queen Continue reading
High in his mountain fastness of Castle Romney, hewn from the very living rock of the Utah Alps, Willard Jackasticus Mittonium Lannister Romney, Lord of the Robo-men, must make a decision. It was time to buy a new jillion-dollar dancing horse pick a running mate for the increasingly bizarre performance art piece that is Romney 2012, LLC. Continue reading
The Olympics have provided some beautiful and interesting images, and given birth to at least two great memes. Is there anyone in the world who hasn’t seen this yet? Let’s caption some of them, shall we? Remember, the question is not what they are actually doing, but what you think they’re doing. Continue reading
So there’s this thing. Maybe we’ll call it 80izing. This is when you take something inherently 1980’s and you put it in something current like a modern day commercial or a scene on Community. Continue reading
Police logs in small town newspapers are usually pretty amusing, but by far the best I’ve encountered is in The East Hampton Star. The Star is an old, family-run newspaper that’s got a mix of stories covering small town Hamptons life, such as it is, as well as more worldly concerns. Whenever I’ve been able to spend time in the area, the first thing I do is pick up a copy of the Star, make a giant pitcher of gin & Frescas, and dive into the local police logs. Continue reading
Today marked the release of the much anticipated and possibly, by some, much dreaded jobs report. And let’s just say the numbers aren’t impressive. Continue reading
