During a discussion about a potential tax increase in Lubbock County, Texas, Judge Tom Head explained that such an increase was necessary to plan for various emergency contingencies. Among those possible scenarios, Judge Head suggested the county needed to prepare for reelection of President Obama. He explains, “He’s going to try to hand over the sovereignty of the United States to the UN, and what is going to happen when that happens?” After you clean the coffee from your screen, feel free to read that last sentence again. The President, the United Nations and presumably, the New World Order are coming for the good citizens of Lubbock County and one man aims to stop it, Lexington/Concord style.
So far, the Judge’s plan seems to consist of physically blocking the path of the UN’s armored personnel carriers and telling them to move on. He has also made sure the sheriff “has his back”. When cooler heads asked Head to clarify that Texas-sized helping of crazy he cooked up, he explained that “the worst case scenario politically and financially right now is if Obama and the Senate Democrats stay in power” and further likened it to preparing for the possibility of an F-5 tornado:
[It’s] probably is not going to come into Lubbock. I’ve got to prepare for it, though.” As ThinkProgress points out, it doesn’t appear that Judge Head has prepared for every scenario. Among the noted omissions are the ever-popular Zombie Apocalypse, Alien Invasion and surprisingly the “Red-Dawn” scenario.
That’s why Crasstalk has decided to aid Judge Head in further developing the Lubbock County Emergency Management Plan by offering these possible scenarios and a possible course of action:
Scenario 1 – Lesbian Apocalypse
The Set-Up: It has recently come to light that the Department of Homeland Security (FEMA included) has been taken over by the insidious Illesbonati. Men are being pushed out of positions of power to make room for those who will support their Sapphic agenda. Once they turn their gaze upon Lubbock, it’s only a matter of time before the internment camps pop up and they begin brainwashing the women-folk to their same-sex lifestyle!
Plan of Attack: Two words: Lilith Fair. All we need to do is suggest that the concert festival is being revived and the main assault will be diverted. Once the FEMA thugs begin filing into the fairgrounds to see Paula Cole’s triumphant return, we can put North Carolinian Pastor Worley’s plan in motion and fence them in. Once the main force is contained, Judge Head and the sheriff will set up a roadblock to prevent reinforcements.
Scenario 2 – LIBERAL TAKEOVER
The Set-Up: Besides, Obama and the UN Troops invading, this is probably the next worse thing to happen on Lubbock’s blessed soil. They’ll probably try to ease their way in gently, talking about love and acceptance and helping the common man. DO NOT BE FOOLED. Next, they’ll start suggesting we act a lot nicer to the illegal aliens and giving poor people welfare. Once they’ve got our vulnerable citizens sucking at the government teat, they’ll convince them that God is wrong and baby killing is good and Darwin is better than God Almighty. Our children will eat tofu and granola, causing a population explosion of deer and waterfowl and make no mistake, those animals will be pissed.
Plan of Attack: Roadblocks everywhere. Liberal Socialists are notoriously weak. Roadblocks will demoralize them and send them running back to their Subarus. Since they eschew NASCAR and Monster Trucks, they lack the proper driving skills to get around our barriers. They’ll have no choice but to return home to their coasts to cry into their soy lattes.
Scenario 3 – Dinosaur Invasion
The Set-up: After reelection, President Obama isn’t just satisfied with creating one government to rule the world, he wants to play God. Aided by godless scientists from DARPA and the Illuminati, Obama raises and army of T-Rexes, Raptors and some of them “spittin’ ones” to stomp all over our rights and the church ice cream social.
Plan of Attack: The NWO’s dino soldiers won’t stand a chance when Lubbock County starts issuing no-limit hunting licenses for all prehistoric creatures. Raptor steaks for all! Once those blue-beanied thugs are dismounted, the judge and the sheriff can block their advance.
These are just a few of the possible scenarios that could befall our blessed Lubbock County but there are so many more catastrophes waiting to happen. Do your part! Help Judge Head by developing a disaster plan in the comments.
