Vile space gangster Newton Leroy Gingrich hosted a campaign event on his luxurious orbiting pleasure barge, Infidelicus, for reptilian GOP Senate candidate Todd Akin. Akin, a widely despised man-lizard, has been something of a laughingstock since he revealed in an interview his total lack of knowledge about how human babies are made. Continue reading
Ricardo “Shoeless Dick” Santorum spoke at the GOP convention on Tuesday. He spent Monday night in the hobo camp near the convention center, drinking stolen Cigar City Jai-Lai Pale Ale and eating Cuban sandwiches and black beans salvaged from the dumpster behind the Columbia Restaurant. The one-time senator is very fond of beans. “Goddamn,” he told his fellow hobos. “Those are some damn good beans.” Continue reading
In a grimy rail yard outside Ybor City, a shoeless former senator hops off a freight car with practiced ease and makes his way through abandoned cigar factories to the grimy Interstate 4 overpass. “Screw you, Mitt Romney,” he mutters over and over again. “Screw you in the face.” It is his mantra now. At the bottle-strewn, urine soaked overpass, he is greeted by an honor guard of Florida hobos in soiled SANTORUM 2016 t-shirts who escort him to the hobo camp behind the convention center, where he is speaking on Tuesday night. Continue reading