GOP Convention

3 posts

TRUMPOCALYPSE NOW: YOUR GOP CONVENTION OPEN THREAD

trump=pence1Join us as we weep and rend our garments as the Party of Lincoln prepares to nominate a malevolent cartoon to preside over America’s doom. THE TRUMPENING IS AT HAND! THE GOP CONVENTION HAS BEGUN!

You can leave-stream it here, but all the networks your grandparents watched before Obama’s death-panels killed them will probably be showing it. Tonight’s headliners include Bride of the Monster, Melania Trump, living death skeleton Rudy Guiliani, and some crazy general. Tonight’s theme is apparently “horror.”

Welcome to Tampa: “Shoeless Dick” Santorum Speaks

Ricardo “Shoeless Dick” Santorum spoke at the GOP convention on Tuesday. He spent Monday night in the hobo camp near the convention center, drinking stolen Cigar City Jai-Lai Pale Ale and eating Cuban sandwiches and black beans salvaged from the dumpster behind the Columbia Restaurant. The one-time senator is very fond of beans. “Goddamn,” he told his fellow hobos. “Those are some damn good beans.” Continue reading

Welcome to Tampa: The GOP Convention Begins!

In a grimy rail yard outside Ybor City, a shoeless former senator hops off a freight car with practiced ease and makes his way through abandoned cigar factories to the grimy Interstate 4 overpass. “Screw you, Mitt Romney,” he mutters over and over again. “Screw you in the face.” It is his mantra now. At the bottle-strewn, urine soaked overpass,  he is greeted by an honor guard of Florida hobos in soiled SANTORUM 2016 t-shirts who  escort him to the hobo camp behind the convention center, where he is speaking on Tuesday night. Continue reading