By LaZiguezon and Dancing Queen
Try to contain yourselves, Beliebers and Bieber haters. It’s time to tell the story of the young man who has caused such a ruckus wherever he goes in the world that he’s shut down malls, hotels, and cities.
Born on March 1, 1994 and raised in Stratford, Ontario, Canada, Justin Bieber was a super cute baby, baby, baby, oooohhhhh.
Discovered by his mom on youtube, young Justin was sold to U$her
and flown to Atlanta, where the machine began to churn, spout, steam and spit with the kind of enthusiasm not seen since Brit-Brit was bored in school. He took it like a man.
Bieber released his first album, My World, in 2009 and became a tween heartthrob sensation with his monster hit Baby, viewed on youtube by 100,000 girls almost a BILLION (with a “b”) times.
He was at a level unseen since the height of Mickey Rooney, literally. With his mighty stature, and styled by lesbians
Justin headlined his first tour in 2010
and it was…a success
This was followed by his (12 minutes in length) 3D biopic concert film, Justin Bieber: Never Say Never. Owing to the poor taste of suburban tween girls, its debut nearly broke the record for the biggest opening for a concert film.
However, reigning Disney queen Miley Cyrus still holds that title, so he was all
After Miley left him
he still realized that he was worth a reported net worth of $53 million. So in 2011, Christmas came early and Justin bestowed his tweens with a holiday-themed album titled Under the Mistletoe.
Collaborating with some of the biggest worst celebrities, Justin’s photoshoot with Kim Kardashian for Elle, was, well, gross. What Kanye sees in Kim, we will never know.
With Britney’s “I’m not a girl boy, not yet a woman man” anthem in the background,
in 2011,
Justin started dating a hard core betch
At first, they were on the
but then their staged tween power coupledome came out
He also befriended the equally insufferable 14-year old Jaden Smith, and this mensa duo collaborated on Never Say Never.
Then came some
with a paternity suit.
and he was all, it’s not my baby, baby, baby, oooooooohhhhh and didn’t even
When not ranking multiple #1 hits (God help us) or penning a 4-page autobiography, the Bieber took to method acting for a multi-episode run with CSI.
In 2012, Justin studied hard
and received his High School Diploma from St. Michael Catholic Secondary School in Stratford.
That ten-year reunion is going to be awkward.
He’s also shared increasingly interesting opinions. When interviewed by Rolling Stone, Bieber stated he didn’t believe in abortion and that “it’s like killing a baby?” But this is still okay, right?
And this?
Aside from “graduating,” 2012 has so far included his third studio album, Believe, shoe lifts,
and a fight with a paparazzi.
Embarking on another world tour to add coinage to his reported net worth of over $100 million,
the Biebs is going to be around for a long time with failed marriages and bankruptcies.
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