Few decisions are as important to a presidential candidacy than the choice of a running mate. A Vice President can make or break… okay, mostly break, (I’m looking, and laughing, at you, Sarah.), a campaign. There are several names starting to attach to the Romney campaign, but there are oh-so-many options. Let’s help!
Who do you think Romney should name and what would they bring to the Republican campaign? Continue reading
Seeing as how the GOP nominating season is effectively over now that Rick Santorum is done talking about coal miner’s ovaries or whatever, the Romney campaign can now focus on important things. Important things like sending a bus to follow the President around at his appearances, or trying to make a thing of the fact that the President ate dog meat as a child.
Really, the campaign should focus on a much more important next step: picking a campaign theme song. A campaign theme song can tell voters so much about who you are as a candidate. Are you hip, down to earth, yet totally inspirational and leadershipfull? (Yes, I made that last one up) Continue reading
Hey folks, great news! Ann Romney is going to take care of Mittsey’s gender gap by showing us all she’s the gold standard of American womanhood; white, more or less Christian, stay-at-home mom, and ideal help meet. How is she doing this? By joining Twitter. See her first two Tweets and join our game, below the fold. Continue reading
Santorum, now in a contentious fight for the Republican nomination, has entered the playground taunts and mocking part of his campaign. You’ll remember his glee last week at equating rival, Mitt Romney with an Etch-A-Sketch symbolizing the former Massachusetts Governor’s penchant for flip-flopping on issues, at times within the same sentence. Continue reading
This is the only way to make sure Rick Santorum gets the nomination. Continue reading
In the midst of a seemingly endless primary season, one of the more interesting subtexts of each state’s GOP primary is the fundraising boost the winner has received in the immediate aftermath of their victory. Moon Pilgrim Newt Gingrich saw it after his South Carolina victory in January, and, on the heels of a three state sweep on Tuesday, Rick Santorum felt the sweet embrace of conservative donors stuffing grubby singles into his sweater vest. Continue reading
Let’s just stop pretending that every time Mitt Romney opens his mouth and makes a smug comment extolling his exceeding wealth, thereby negating any moral virtue, that he’s making some sort of gaffe or has succumbed to poor word choice. No. This man is a rich bastard who thinks like one and there’s nothing he can do to hide it. Continue reading
Newt Gingrich’s latest plan to stuff the Republican nomination into his barbarous inner stomach flap is to tell Florida’s large Jewish and elderly population that Mitt “RoboTron” Romney once took kosher food away from Holocaust survivors. Continue reading
Mighty South Carolina has spoken! The filth encrusted pig men of Iowa chose Romney Santorum! The flinty maple miners of New Hampshire chose Romney! Now, the salt-encrusted shimp-herds of South Carolina get to close the deal and pick the real nominee, Willard “Inevitable” Romney! Oh, hell, they picked loathsome space-creature Newton Leroy Gingrich. This screws up everything. South Carolina basically fell on the floor and started jabbering like Rick Moranis in “Ghostbusters.”
The GOP campaign traditionally starts with Iowa’s Over-Pig rising from a hog-farm shit-lagoon and anointing a candidate with his corn-scepter. This year, the squealing pig men dumped the traditional waste-encrusted Gatorade cooler full of victory ethanol over the head of Willard “10k” Romney, who won by only eight pig-votes. Continue reading
Well, apparently, now whenever Mitt Romney speaks we can pretty much expect a carafe of gold bars and silver spoons to come flying out his blustery jaws. He’s like a robotic fountain made of money! Would that make him an ATM? Perhaps! But he’s not giving you anything, you pitiless peasants! Know why? He pays a lower tax rate than you do because he’s a rich, sultan of immense wealth who’s found a way to take advantage of every tax break that exists in federal policy. Basically, old Mittens, sees you standing there in your sensible shoes and dystopian misery and comes along with a platinum-coated battering ram and knocks all you ingrates into the sea. He is the Mormonator.
Kiss his ring you supplicants. Continue reading