mitt romney

53 posts

Retroactive Retirement is the New Plausible Deniability

RMoney’s campaign is making increasingly desperate statements defending, denying, and obfuscating his apparent continued stewardship of Bain Capital from 1999 to 2002 and trying to turn the ship around before it hits an iceberg. On CNN’s State of the Union yesterday, Romney adviser Ed Gillespie told Candy Crowley that the presidential candidate had “retroactively retired” from Bain Capital. Gillespie was asked to clarify the 1999 Press Release from Bain announcing that Romney would be taking a part-time leave of absence to manage the 2002 Winter Olympics. Continue reading

Mitt Romney’s Sour Grapes Response to NAACP Booers

What happens when you come before an organization that is about the advancement of African-Americans, a large percentage of whom voted for the current president, and you disparage him in your speech by using the weird, teabagger-esque colloquialism for the Affordable Health Care Act, and call it “Obamacare?” Yeah, well you get booed. So what’s your response? Diminish the entire group by saying they’re just out looking for a free ride. Continue reading

Mitt Romney Wants to Take Books from Poor Kids

In a speech to the United States Chamber of Commerce last month, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney laid out his grand vision for the reform of American education. At the core of his speech was “school choice”– a term that is usually refers to state-sponsored vouchers that can be used toward private school tuition. Romney’s plan, however, goes beyond just the privatization of the American education system. He wants students to be able to enroll in any school of their choice, public or private, with the aid of 25 billion dollars in federal funds. Continue reading

Why It Doesn’t Surprise Me At All That Mitt Romney Was a High School Bully

I was mercilessly and relentlessly bullied from the day I moved to El Paso and started second grade until I began junior high school for every reason imaginable.

I was an easy fucking target. I was tall and skinny, with paper white skin, auburn hair and hazel eyes hidden behind enormous coke-bottle old-biddy glasses, a know-it-all attitude, a penchant for books that were way over my head, and a Central/East Texas accent that, thank Jesus, is no longer present. I wasn’t athletic (no, ballet didn’t count as a sport) and thanks to my huge-ass glasses (really, hipster girls, you had to bring that shit back didn’t you?) the only sport I was good at – basketball – came with a sense of inherent peril. As an only child, I had no idea how to negotiate playful banter. I took everything personally. And I fought back in possibly one of the least socially acceptable ways possible — by cursing my tormenters in Arabic and Armenian.  Yeah. You can imagine how that went over.  Continue reading

Ebaying At the Moon: Thanks for the Memorabilia

To think, ’tis only May 1, and America’s favorite space-grifter and her most beloved hater of colleges have packed up and left the deranged playground that was the 2012 GOP presidential primary. Now that the least heinous most likable 1%er of the crop has been chosen, the side show collection of contenders will slowly slide back into the murky depths of K-street lobbying firms and Heritage Foundation-like ‘think-tanks’. Continue reading

Is This the Dumbest Economist Article Ever Written?

Headlines from The Economist aren’t normally the sort to make you spit out your coffee, but every once in a while they still manage to surprise me with a masterpiece of political absurdity that stands in sharp contrast to their well-sourced (if nevertheless biased) economics and foreign policy coverage. This week’s edition opens with the amazing claim that Mitt Romney has, throughout his primary campaign, been pandering not only to the far right, but to the left as well.

If this left you scratching your head and wondering if perhaps you had blacked out on Ambien for a couple of weeks and missed the part where the “severely conservative” plutocrat showed up at an Occupy camp with a bongo drum, you’re not alone. But no: The Economist claims, with what I can only assume is a straight face, that Romney has been pandering to the left by criticizing China for alleged currency manipulation. Continue reading

Help Mitt Get Buzz

We all know by now that President Obama is an unAmerican communist, socialist, marxist, nazi, muslim, race baiting radical. An elitist who has shaken hands with, hugged, bowed to, and/or stood in the same room with every enemy of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness that his corrupt, whore-chasing secret service guard can find for him. Born in Kenya, educated in Indonesia, indoctrinated by the liberal Illuminati who were grooming him for his eventual rise to power and the destruction of the American Way, his destiny was sealed as the ink dried on his fake birth certificate. Oh, and he has eaten dog. Continue reading