Lauren – Page 60 – Crasstalk

Opening Weekend: Shivering Our Timbers Forever…and Ever

I’d just like to say that the best and worst thing about sailing is probably Chris Cross’s 1980 hit Sailing. Because this whole Pirates of the Caribbean thing just makes that look like an exposition of greatness. Yes, the Officer Tom Hanson On A Neverending Boat cycle-of-madness has gone on longer than anyone cares to admit, but here it is, limping through theaters for the fourth time, wheezing, and dry-heaving its way to the box office finish line.

And some of you will probably go see it, won’t you? Continue reading →

Cannes Report: Seen and Heard at Mid-Fest

In addition to all the highly anticipated films premiering at Cannes this week, Hollywood is out in full-force, plugging films, doing interviews, — either making this all look easy, or baffling us with their red carpet, or as the French would say Croisette, statements. No matter where that carpet is rolled out, there’s sure to be glitz, glamor, and gossip.

Let’s see what news and appearances have taken Cannes by storm. Continue reading →

Cannes Report: Tree of Life Debuts to Jeers and Cheers

Terrence Malick, the mostly reclusive and often interview-shy director of Badlands, Days of Heaven, and The New World, returns with his latest opus, Tree of Life, a veritable treatise on the inner-workings of the American Family and the mainstays of the 1950’s era. He delves into the interpersonal relationships between father and son, more pointedly the cycle of expectation and regret that follows the two at the center of his latest film. Continue reading →

Game of Thrones Recap: The Trouble with Siblings

They’re the closest to us. And sometimes so much like us, often they know all our little secrets. Which is why mostly we spend much of our youth wanting to punch them. Ah, siblings. Whether protecting them or fighting them, it’s always entertaining, especially if you live in the Seven Kingdoms. You can be crazy, a maniac, or just a slight sociopath, but nevertheless you’ll do what you can to be there for them, one way or another.

Let’s start sharing the love…

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Hollywood Wants to Make All Your Childhood Dreams Come True…and Some Of Your Nightmares

All right my little cuddle butts, it’s been a few weeks since I last gave you an update on all the lovely, lovely, read: “holy crap!” movies Hollywood has planned, so prepare for a post chock full of Hollywood goodness. Don’t go screaming into the night or anything.

You were warned.

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Let’s Be Honest About IKEA

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I think IKEA can peer into our very souls and find all it needs to continue a successful business making furniture out of toothpicks and laughing manically while you buy said tower of non-weight bearing splinter-shards, attempt to put it together, fail miserably…and then return for more Scandinavian bludgeoning. I’m not kidding. They are absolute geniuses. Their whole dynamic plan of execution is fantastic. I’ve never seen a place more proud to sell crap, mock you mercilessly while doing so, seduce you with cooking items for a mere pittance…thereby sustaining the addiction, and then taunt you with meatballs.

Let’s break down the sport that is IKEA.

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Game of Thrones Recap: Cripples, Bastards, and other Broken Things

Well, now what is this? Little Bran is walking? So all that unpleasantness with him climbing a wall and witnessing two blond full-blooded maniacs rutting like common conjoined wombats didn’t actually happen? And the blondest of the two, and also the one filled with increasing crazy-juice, didn’t just toss the boy out a window like a stale mug of ale? Why no, of course this all happened. It’s just a nice little ploy that many a television show uses to get you to wonder if things are really real, or if everything is just some mystical dream. Sorry, though, Game of Thrones; unless Bobby Ewing appears in a shower I’m not falling for that again. No sir.

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Weekend Box Office: Thor Hammers Competition

You know what we don’t get enough of? Movies that smash things. Sure, there are movies that blow things up, movies with car chases, or aliens who demolish cities in their attempts to take over the world, but movies that just out and out smash things with a hammer for nearly two hours… yeah, there’s just not enough of that. And as a society, apparently we clamor for that free feeling that most of us forget after toddler-hood…the ability to destroy with the swing of a hand.

Thor was sent to remind us.

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Opening Weekend: It’s Hammer Time

Marvel is set to take over the world very soon. As if you didn’t already know. It is truly their universe now, we just kind of dwell here eating Cheetos and watching American Idol. But not this weekend. This weekend hordes of people will flood the theaters to see another blond man work a hammer that has nothing to do with extreme makeovers.

You can’t touch this.

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The Worst of American Cuisine

Do you ever watch TV and see an advertisement for some food item that conjures the worst feelings in your normally placid yum-place, but really you just want to know why? Why does this particular thing exist? Who buys it? And just who is in the food laboratory wearing their “find something weird” hat and thinking up the most excessive, noxious thing ever slapped between two pieces of bread and making the decision that, “Yup, a veritable horde of people will eat this!” All you really know is that guy should be slapped with a heaping KFC slop bowl.
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