There’s only one wide release movie opening this weekend, so be prepared for total, absolute X-Men domination. Will it be enough to fill theater seats, keep people entertained, and bring more to the table than some blond dude swinging a Viking hammer and calling itself a movie? Well, so far, all reports say, yes.
What will you say when someone asked you where you were the weekend of June 3, 2011? Continue reading
You know who only did one bachelor party movie? Tom Hanks. He has two Oscars. I’m almost positive if you were to ask Tom how many bachelor party movies you should ever make in your career, he’d probably give you that “Tom Hanks” face and say, “Well, probably just the one.” Heh. Tom. He’s so right, always.
Wanna know who never considered just the one? Yeah, the boys who made The Hangover.
I’d just like to say that the best and worst thing about sailing is probably Chris Cross’s 1980 hit Sailing. Because this whole Pirates of the Caribbean thing just makes that look like an exposition of greatness. Yes, the Officer Tom Hanson On A Neverending Boat cycle-of-madness has gone on longer than anyone cares to admit, but here it is, limping through theaters for the fourth time, wheezing, and dry-heaving its way to the box office finish line.
And some of you will probably go see it, won’t you? Continue reading
Marvel is set to take over the world very soon. As if you didn’t already know. It is truly their universe now, we just kind of dwell here eating Cheetos and watching American Idol. But not this weekend. This weekend hordes of people will flood the theaters to see another blond man work a hammer that has nothing to do with extreme makeovers.
You can’t touch this.
Elephants are great aren’t they? We generally like elephants. There’s not much we usually find uninviting about the pachyderm. He’s usually large, lovable; perhaps he has large floppy ears and can fly like some sort of winged wrinkle-skinned angel mammal. Fantastic. But not in this case. In this case the elephants are like people, and they are more like matchmakers. The E Harmony of the wild if you will. The elephant will help a young vampire and Elle Woods find happiness. No, that’s not right. The elephant will help two circus players find love amongst the tents.
Oh, crud. I was rooting for this one. It had all the dreamy, soft focus stuff that usually impresses critics…but not this time.
Based on the acclaimed bestseller, Water for Elephants presents an unexpected romance in a uniquely compelling setting. Veterinary school student Jacob meets and falls in love with Marlena, a star performer in a circus of a bygone era. They discover beauty amidst the world of the Big Top, and come together through their compassion for a special elephant. Against all odds — including the wrath of Marlena’s charismatic but dangerous husband, August — Jacob and Marlena find lifelong love.
What you can expect: Long distressed glances, a dastardly villain, Reese clad in circus frill, and Robert Pattinson’s huge cranium in suspenders. Is this Twilight without the angsty Kristen Bella and all her awkward pause-speak? No, no, it doesn’t look like it. It looks a bit more grown up than that, even though still in a chaste, longing way. It wants to be a watered down Titanic, what with the unattainable beauty, the lost boy looking for love, the maniacal man caught in the middle, and some sort of horrific, terrible thing that happens one night at the circus — but with elephants and a train. Some have said the story is predictable — but aren’t all these soapy period dramas just that — predictable? We know Christoph Waltz with his “bad guy hairdo” will make us hope he falls off a trapeze or something, just like we know Rob and Reese holding vigil with that elephant doesn’t mean they’re running away just to open an elephant refuge. Even though the critics have found it a bit lacking, at least one praises the old-timey feel. Roger Ebert says, “In an age of prefabricated special effects and obviously phony spectacle, it’s sort of old-fashioned (and a pleasure) to see a movie made of real people and plausible sets.”
What could annoy: The predictable. Yes, well, apparently this movie has its story written on its sleeve. While both Oscar winners Waltz and Witherspoon are said to be more than formidable in this film, there’s just too much formula here. Robert Pattinson’s performance also seems to reside in the vicinity of a glorified Gossip Girl character. Ouch. Somewhere Blake Lively just had a squeee and preened in her candy-striped headband. Urgh. And then there’s the whole depression-era circus element. I’m not sure, but I can’t imagine a depression-era circus being much fun. It seems like it would be pretty miserable in fact, and probably smelly — and full of scary orangutans.
It really doesn’t matter what the critics think because Tyler Perry will keep wearing a wig and beating people with shoes no matter what you or anybody says ever! Helllerrrrr!
Madea jumps into action when her niece, Shirley, receives distressing news about her health. All Shirley wants is to gather her three adult children around her and share the news as a family. But Tammy, Kimberly and Byron are too distracted by their own problems: Tammy can’t manage her unruly children or her broken marriage; Kimberly is gripped with anger and takes it out on her husband; and Byron, after spending two years in jail, is under pressure to deal drugs again. It’s up to Madea, with the help of the equally rambunctious Aunt Bam, to gather the clan together and make things right.
What you can expect: Oh, dear me. Well, let’s see, I think we can expect that Tyler Perry dressed in Tyler Perry’s Madea clothes will yell at people, threaten to beat them with a pot of grits, get into some sort of crazy man in a dress pickle, and then have the entire family rally around these antics because this is the same movie Tyler Perry does every Tyler Perry second for forever when he’s wearing his Tyler Perry Madea’s Biscuits and Girdle Suit. The end.
What could annoy: Spending money to see Tyler Perry in his ninth (NINTH!) Madea movie. But then if you’re spending money to see Tyler Perry in his ninth Madea movie then you don’t understand what this means, so carry on, he has a house in Miami he’s renovating.
The critics are really loving this gripping story about one family’s journey:
When notary Lebel (Rémy Girard) sits down with Jeanne and Simon Marwan (Mélissa Désormeaux-Poulin, Maxim Gaudette) to read them their mother’s will Nawal (Lubna Azabal), the twins are stunned to receive a pair of envelopes – one for the father they thought was dead and another for a brother they didn’t know existed. With Lebel’s help, the twins piece together the story of the woman who brought them into the world, discovering a tragic fate forever marked by war and hatred as well as the courage of an exceptional woman.
The short and sweet: Tough, unflinching drama about family secrets, what we would sacrifice to know the truth of our existence, and just what it means to finally understand who and what our parents are, and their place in this world. Impactful story that challenges borders and boundaries.
A horror film full of vampires and zombies the critics actually like? We must have gone back in time:
America is a lost nation. When an epidemic of vampirism strikes, humans find themselves on the run from vicious, feral beasts. Cities are tombs and survivors cling together in rural pockets, fearful of nightfall. When his family is slaughtered, young Martin (“Gossip Girl’s” Connor Paolo) is taken under the wing of a grizzled, wayward hunter (Nick Damici) whose new prey is the Undead. Simply known as Mister, the vampire stalker takes Martin on a journey through the locked-down towns of America’s heartland, searching for a better place while taking down any bloodsuckers that cross their path.
The short and sweet: Well, now, an apocalyptic vampire/zombie movie! Hmmm, yes, well, we’ve seen this all before, no? Are we tired of this yet? If watching it on film wasn’t enough, those undead jokers have infiltrated our television screens thanks to AMC. Apparently, there’s still some story left to tell about blood-sucking, rotting creepy-crawlies. Okay. I get it. One day someone will make the quintessential vampire/zombie movie that tops all other vampire/zombie movies and then finally we’ll be able to say with certainty that the genre has been well and dutifully covered. This isn’t it. Know how I know? Russell Brand is nowhere to be found.
(I’m probably going to see this…you know, for comparative research.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNC2HwAaWWE
A comical documentary about advertising and consumerism in the USA. You guys do know people buy Snuggies for their dogs, right? The critics think this is a good idea:
Filmmaker Morgan Spurlock examines the world of product placement, marketing and advertising by making a film entirely financed by product placement and advertising. These days, it seems like you can’t even walk down the street without someone trying to sell you something. It’s gotten to the point where practically the entire American experience is brought to us by some corporation. In this comical exploration and thorough exploitation of Morgan Spurlock, The Greatest Movie Ever Sold explores the world of advertising and marketing as Morgan uses his integrity as currency to sell out to the highest bidder.
The short and sweet: Hey, that guy that almost went into renal failure by eating nothing but McDonalds has decided to research advertising and marketing in this country. Well, yay! Because really I’d like to know why Crazy Sugar Pop Zooms! are so much better than regular old, Puffed Corn? Can we know this? I’m afraid that the answer is just that we’re stupid, stupid people who buy things that are shiny, full of blingeeness, and simply because we like things called Crazy Sugar Pop Zooms! because it makes us smile like drunk donkeys, but you know, Spurlock, you tell us what the corporate bigwigs say…”Yes, we’re dumb.” Thanks, Morgan!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9vu3dUMQ1s
The return of Ghostface! I wasn’t aware the Wu-Tang Clan had put out another album, but there you have it. No, really, this week’s movies are not about the Wu-Tang Clan; they’re about the resurrection of a long-thought-silly teen slasher franchise. Wes Craven is really a genius. He’s like a pack of lulling Sirens from The Odyssey. Yes, that’s what he is. He can literally lead teens on film to their deaths like no one else today. And Scream 4: The Screamiest Ever looks successful! (Well, almost.) This is a magnificent feat. Freddy Krueger is cashing his last unemployment check as we speak.
The reviews so far have defied expectations, or at least are better than Neve Campbell could have hoped for.
In Scream 4, Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell), now the author of a self-help book, returns home to Woodsboro on the last stop of her book tour. There she reconnects with Sheriff Dewey (David Arquette) and Gale (Courteney Cox), who are now married, as well as her cousin Jill (played by Emma Roberts) and her Aunt Kate (Mary McDonnell). Unfortunately Sidney’s appearance also brings about the return of Ghostface, putting Sidney, Gale, and Dewey, along with Jill, her friends, and the whole town of Woodsboro in danger.
What you can expect: In a rather effective ode to the original, Scream 4 brings back some of the chills and thrills that surprised many and opened the door to the slasher movie once again. Wes Craven, teen-gore master, is undaunted at his attempts to connect the next generation to the “pick them off one by one” horror genre. This time he uses everything in his arsenal, which is basically new technology and media. Naturally. If you’re going to make a teen slasher film, you have to get teens where they live, and that’s in their iPhones. Not totally sure what new areas there are to be explored within this formula, but unsurprisingly, Craven manages to pull it off. He must have a teen spy working with him, or he understands the youth better than most. He should write a book. Perhaps The Anarchist’s Guide to Raising Teenagers.
What could annoy: Aside from the fact that there’s a “4” after the title of this film…I’m placing my bets on Courteney Cox and David Arquette. No real reason in particular other than they were always a bit of a weird, annoying couple to begin with, and I very much wished their characters dead in the original movie. I just can’t fathom how they’ve survived this long. Which may not be a difficult question since after filming this movie, Cox effectively took a knife and slashed the remains of her marriage to Arquette.
Pretty good reviews for the bird-brained animated feature.
From the makers of the hit ICE AGE series comes RIO, a comedy adventure about taking a walk on the wild side. Blu is a domesticated Macaw who never learned to fly, living a comfortable life with his owner and best friend Linda in the small town of Moose Lake, Minnesota. Blu and Linda think he’s the last of his kind, but when they learn about another Macaw who lives in Rio de Janeiro, they head to the faraway and exotic land to find Jewel, Blu’s female counterpart.
What you can expect: A colorful animated comedy. With plenty of famous voices including, Jesse Eisenberg, Anne Hathaway, Jamie Fox, Tracy Morgan, and Will i.am — this movie is overstuffed with acting and performance talent. While the story isn’t as moving or heartfelt as some of the Pixar releases we’ve seen as of late, it’s still a formidable bit of escapist fun for viewers who want a lot of party with their animation.
What could annoy: It looks a little bit like a colorful migraine, and some of us can only take that Black Eyed Peas thing in small, nearly miniscule doses. An entire movie of the Peas doing their thing could be harmful. All in all, the kids should like it. The adults, well, I dunno, ear plugs?
Speaking the international language of love and the critics agree.
France, 1562. Against a background of the savage Catholic/Protestant wars, Marie de Mézières (Mélanie Thierry), a beautiful young aristocrat, and the rakish Henri de Guise (Gaspard Ulliel), fall in love, but Marie’s father has promised her hand in marriage to the Prince of Montpensier (Grégoire Leprince-Ringuet). When he is called away to battle, her husband leaves her in the care of Count Chabannes (Lambert Wilson), an aging nobleman with a disdain for warfare.
The short and sweet: Sprawling costume drama. Action, adventure, love and war. Basically a bodice ripper in movie form. Harlequin is taking notes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2D5JTxLf_K4
This art-house offering is getting rave reviews.
Guido (Timi), a former cop, is a luckless veteran of the speed-dating scene in Turin. But, much to his surprise, he meets Slovenian immigrant Sonia (Rappoport), a chambermaid at a high-end hotel. The two hit it off, and a passionate romance develops.
The short and sweet: Critics are throwing words around like “noir” and “psychological spookiness.” Here’s to hoping it lives up to the hype. Who doesn’t love a well-constructed psychological thriller? It’s said to have many twists and turns, which, done right, can lead you to Mulholland Drive, Les Diaboliques or The Vanishing. Done wrong, you get Body of Evidence starring Madonna or Sliver starring Sharon Stone. Feh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4yzgbspy5Y
Kick-ass kids, large child wankers, stoner brothers, and lots of indie flotsam and jetsam. It’s enough to make you think going to the movies isn’t really teaching us anything. But that would be wrong. We learn so much from film. Like shooting an arrow, what Keanu thinks about when he’s un-Matrixed, and the curious case of Russell Brand — a riddle for the ages.
This week’s movies are teaching our body-doubles Kung-Fu. Whoa.
The reviews so far have been mostly kick-ass.
A teenage girl goes out into the world for the first time – and has to battle for her life. Director Joe Wright weaves elements of dark fairy tales into the adventure thriller Hanna, filmed on location in Europe and Morocco. Hanna (played by Academy Award nominee Saoirse Ronan of Atonement, also directed by Joe Wright) is 16 years old. She is bright, inquisitive, and a devoted daughter. Uniquely, she has the strength, the stamina, and the smarts of a soldier.
What you can expect: A high octane action thriller centered around a gifted teen. Saoirse Ronan is the newest up in comer in a long line of spectacular girl actors, the studious detail of their roles often belying their ages. Should be like one part X-men, another part Kill Bill. With each new film like this that puts not only the athleticism of girls on display, but also celebrates their smarts, it’s one step more in furthering the genre of child female actors in a long line of sweet and sassy, just like her predecessors Shirley Temple, Tatum O’Neil, Jodie Foster, Winona Ryder, Dakota Fanning, and Abigail Breslin. There is a kick-ass girl for every generation. We assume that it’s in direct conflict to the way girls are often portrayed elsewhere as dainty waifs who only care about dresses, tea parties, and puppies. I have a feeling if you put the latter two girls mentioned, combine them with Ronan, Chloe Moretz, and Dakota’s little sister, Elle, — Sucker Punch could have been a totally different movie.
What could annoy: Eric Bana. I’ve decided that Eric Bana is a poor man’s Christian Bale or James Caviezel. There is nothing remotely interesting about him in my opinion outside of the tall, dark, and handsome thing he has going on. Yes, yes, I understand that Munich is a great film, but still I just think Bana is a bit meh. And if you’re going to throw Munich up, I’ll counter with Troy. See? Yeah. He’s got to do something to step outside of the brooding guy box and turn the tide. Also, Cate Blanchett. The dopey red wig, and the frowny schoolmarm thing, it looks slightly reminiscent of her portrayal in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Crapwagon. She has the ability to become a villainous caricature if she’s not careful.
Apparently Arthur’s reviews need a little rehab too.
Russell Brand reinvents the role of loveable billionaire Arthur Bach, an irresponsible charmer who has always relied on two things to get by: his limitless fortune and the good sense of his lifelong nanny and best friend Hobson (Helen Mirren), to keep him out of trouble. Kind-hearted, fun-loving, and utterly without purpose, Arthur spends every day in the heedless pursuit of amusement. But when his unpredictable public image threatens the staid reputation of the family foundation, Bach Worldwide, he is given an ultimatum.
What you can expect: Well, sheesh. The inexplicable appeal and skyrocketing career nuggets of Russell Brand. He’s really like a disease is he not? A full on spreading bit of Syphilis ready to take your mind if you let him. It seems like just yesterday he was gyrating his belt buckle in all of our faces in that little movie about Veronica Mars dumping Jason Segel’s muppets. Now, yes, he’s fooking everywhere. Where will the American fascination end with the adoration of the British accent? There really is no other reason for his sudden rise and appearance on every media medium invented in the last hundred years. It simply cannot be his charm, or wacky hair stubble, or infantile spaghetti body, is it? Well, certainly movie studios — I’m guessing the same ones that allow Ashton Kutcher to keep making film talkies, are impressed just enough to put this ungainly cold sore into Dudley Moore’s shoes. Because obviously the iconic Dudley Moore can be replaced by this veritable zenith of modern comedy.
What could annoy: Read the above. And also Jennifer Garner who appears perpetually lost on film, and the bastardization of Helen Mirren’s rack in this travesty. Queen Mirren we wonder if you understood the script.
Natalie Portman’s body double is laughing at these reviews as are we.
Danny McBride and James Franco team up for an epic comedy adventure set in a fantastical world. As two princes on a daring mission to save their land, they must rescue the heir apparent’s fiancée before their kingdom is destroyed.
What you can expect: Oh, ho! This has just gotta be the anti-Black Swan, right? This is probably the “Oh, crap, can I get the Oscar before that movie is released” movie. Makes sense to me. This looks like Pineapple Express starring Danny McBride and James Franco dressed up as Cheech and Chong’s the Corsican Brothers. Sensational. James Franco can pull this off because he’s basically an acting basket case and anything he does will be launched into “Oh, that Franco.” land. And Danny McBride, most of us don’t get his comedy anyway, so why not? Natalie Portman, though. Uh, yeah, You so didn’t need this right at the time people are questioning your Oscar win. There’s nothing better than scandal AND THEN silly, weird, stoner movie with a basket case and some crass, middle-management funny guy wearing tights and making jokes while hiding in a bush. Priceless.
What could annoy: Everything, but mostly if you’re standing in the way during the critics stampede to say how absolutely crud-filled this movie is. Here’s a sample from The Hollywood Reporter: “Falls instead into a deep chasm of such comic lowness after less than five minutes that it’s unable to extricate itself. Things get so bad you half expect a cameo by Nicolas Cage.” Gunshot.
Well, unfortunately the reviews are pretty lost at sea.
“Soul Surfer” is the inspiring true story of teen surfer Bethany Hamilton, who lost her arm in a shark attack and courageously overcame all odds to become a champion again, through her sheer determination and unwavering faith. In the wake of this life-changing event that took her arm and nearly her life, Bethany’s feisty determination and steadfast beliefs spur her toward an adventurous comeback that gives her the grit to turn her loss into a gift for others.
What you can expect: Touching, get up and go movie about perseverance, overcoming the odds, and doing what most of us in this world can’t — surf without an arm after losing said arm to a shark. No, not in a small accident, but a frigging shark. That, right there, puts this into a whole new level of kick-ass girl movie, or it should. It looks however like it’s long on cool visuals and short on actual story. Bummer. It seems like a great story to tell too, albeit with religious undertones, and simplistic mush. The girl at the center of the story should be proud nonetheless of her accomplishments. There’s a rare sighting of Helen Hunt in this thing, which is like saying 1998 has happened again — but good for her, for putting on the old acting shoes and giving it another go. Dennis Quaid, well, I’ll never have anything bad to say about you, buddy. You were in Innerspace.
What could annoy: Too much cheese, and After School Special appeal. While Bethany Hamilton is portrayed ably by Annasophia Robb, that’s not enough to carry the movie.
Well, the reviews fit the crime.
Working the night shift as a toll collector on a lonely stretch of highway in Buffalo, New York, Henry (KEANU REEVES) is a man seemingly without ambition, dreams or purpose; a man sleepwalking his way through life. He gets his wakeup call early one morning when he becomes an unwitting participant in an ill-conceived bank heist. Rather than give up the names of the real culprits, Henry takes the fall and goes to jail. There, he meets the irrepressible Max (JAMES CAAN), a con man who’s grown far too comfortable with the familiarity and security of his ‘idyllic’ life behind bars.
The short and sweet: Redundant crime caper helmed by the typical Reeves stone-faced one note is not able to be saved by the likes of talented Vera Farmiga, and the once prolific, but now kind of leery and comic, James Caan.
Sam Davis (Michael Angarano) convinces his former best friend to spend a weekend with him to rekindle their friendship at an elegant beachside estate owned by a famous documentary filmmaker (Lee Pace). But it soon becomes clear that Sam is secretly infatuated with the filmmaker’s fiancée, Zoe (Uma Thurman), and that his true intention is to thwart their impending nuptials.
The short and sweet: Uma Thurman continues on her ride to becoming the Darryl Hanah of the double digit millennium in this romantic comedy trifle. Reminiscent of Isabella Rossellini
and Ted Danson’s Cousins in its ambition, but the delivery falls short and remains in the mediocre realm.
The critics would like Kim Cattrall to get dressed now.
In this irreverent comedy, awkward teenager Tobe (Dustin Ingram) sets off on a road trip to meet Monica Velour (Kim Cattrall), his favorite ’80s porn star, at a rare live appearance hundreds of miles away. Instead of the glamorous sexpot portrayed on film, he finds a 49-year-old single mom living in a trailer in rural Indiana, performing at seedy strip clubs to make ends meet.
The short and sweet: Uh, yeah. Coming of age film that mostly shows a bit of misdirection on the part of Kim Cattrall’s agent. Samantha needs to grow up and discover more to the world outside her, erm, lady charms.
Well, we love stories about orangutans and elephants and the critics agree.
“”Born to be Wild 3D” is an inspired story of love, dedication and the remarkable bond between humans and animals. This film documents orphaned orangutans and elephants and the extraordinary people who rescue and raise them-saving endangered species one life at a time. Stunningly captured in IMAX 3D, “Born to be Wild 3D” is a heartwarming adventure transporting moviegoers into the lush rainforests of Borneo with world-renowned primatologist Dr. Birute Galdikas, and across the rugged Kenyan savannah with celebrated elephant authority Dame Daphne Sheldrick, as they and their teams rescue, rehabilitate and return these incredible animals back to the wild.
The short and sweet: Saving orphaned orangutans and elephants! Well, that’s probably the recipe for tears, joy, laughter, and excitement. Narrated by Morgan Freeman and shot for IMAX 3D, so naturally it will have gravitas and epic imagery. We’re thinking this is a good one for the kids. And um, there’s a cute monkey baby in the opening scene of the trailer….so, yeah, so hooked already.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wv2Af-H7ZnI
It’s really the pioneer stuff that gets the great reviews, right?
The year is 1845, the earliest days of the Oregon Trail, and a wagon train of three families has hired mountain man Stephen Meek to guide them over the Cascade Mountains. Claiming to know a shortcut, Meek leads the group on an unmarked path across the high plain desert, only to become lost in the dry rock and sage. Over the coming days, the emigrants face the scourges of hunger, thirst and their own lack of faith in one another’s instincts for survival.
The short and sweet: Remember everything we leaned about the harrowing experience of the Oregon Trail? Well, here it is set to life, and done really well by the talented Michelle Williams. Not for the feint of heart or the typical Adam Sandler connoisseur. This is a diet of steady hardship and near death experiences. The middle school version came complete with fries in the cafeteria. This doesn’t.
I hope they explain where the people go for eight minutes while Gyllenhaal is in their bodies mucking around with doomed trains and such. If I had my choice it would be eight minutes in Antigua sipping on a fruity alcoholic beverage while eying a bacon cheeseburger. But that’s just me. I imagine the people in this movie are sent to some sort of government holding area. Not fun, and probably not nearly enough bacon. Pity, that.
This weekend’s movies have plans for your afterlife.
I’m not sure if Jake Gyllenhaal takes off his clothes in this one, but the critics seem to like what they see.
When decorated soldier Captain Colter Stevens (Jake Gyllenhaal) wakes up in the body of an unknown man, he discovers he’s part of a mission to find the bomber of a Chicago commuter train. In an assignment unlike any he’s ever known, he learns he’s part of a government experiment called the “Source Code,” a program that enables him to cross over into another man’s identity in the last 8 minutes of his life.
What you can expect: Doctor Sam Beckett is forced into a time traveling accelerator prematurely and vanishes. He then finds himself in someone else’s body with partial amnesia. His only contact from home is Al, a holographic image only he can see and hear. Setting right things which once went wrong, Sam leaps from life to life, hoping each time that this is the final leap home. Scott Bakula then becomes Captain Jon Archer of the Star Trek: Enterprise. The end. No, not really. This will probably be a decent science-fiction offering. It may even be a compelling “edge of the seater” since they’re working with time and just minutes to make some paradoxical changes. And no kidding…Scott Bakula really is a part of this movie. He voices the part of Captain Colter’s father. Coincidence? I think not.
What could annoy: The fact that it’s a 21st century Quantum Leap? Perhaps, but not likely. Those who follow the meanderings of Jake Gylenhaal have no real idea of this show. They’ll tune in to watch him make googly eyes at Michelle Monaghan and try to save the world from terrorism or some other thinly-veiled government threatening baddies. Throw in a train and you’ve got the number one transportation-related horrorshow that’s cropped up in movies for the last year or so. Are trains really this sinister? I think we should go back to horse drawn carriages. No one ever got bombed in a carriage, well, unless you’re counting what happens if you’re downwind.
Get the Cadbury Crème Eggs ready. The reviews of Hop need the chocolate.
The battle for Easter is on! In HOP, Despicable Me’s Russell Brand voices E.B., the teenage son of the Easter Bunny. On the eve of taking over the family business, E.B. leaves for Hollywood in pursuit of his dream of becoming a drummer. Once there, he encounters Fred (James Marsden of the X-Men series, Enchanted), an unemployed slacker with his own lofty goals.
What you can expect: Complete amazement that it’s taken Hollywood this long to discover a kids movie about the Easter bunny. Normally you’d think perhaps they’d stay away since well, the whole Jesus thing, but apparently it’s okay because with Jesus you get bunnies and eggs! We have no indication that bunnies and eggs are tied to religion but we’ll maybe watch a whole movie devoted to the existence of a fanciful bunny and his divine offspring. That’s just a mind-blower, right? The Jesus bunny has a son. It’s a miracle. This also explains how the bunny mammal can lay eggs every year. Miracles, you see. After you absorb all of that, it’s a cute little movie, short on story and overwhelming charm, but long on colorful confections, James Marsden, and Russell Brand. I’m thinking you’re getting what you pay for.
What could annoy: Have you ever heard Russell Brand? Okay, then.
Bedeviled kid manages to creep out the critics. Linda Blair felt a chill in the air.
Josh and Renai have a happy family with their three young children. When tragedy strikes their young son, Josh and Renai begin to experience things that science cannot explain.
What you can expect: Old school haunts and taunts. Gratuitous use of shocks and suspense instead of now run-of-the-mill gory torture porn. Shocking that this throw-back thrill ride came from the people who made the Saw movies. In addition, the folks behind the popular Paranormal Activity movies have lent this newest offering their “less is more” sentiments. Good pacing and thrilling sound effects round out the film. It’s said to be one of the better horror movies in the last few years. I’m a tough critic so it remains to be seen if it passes my test…which is making me scream at the film and tell the people up on the screen emphatically “Not to open that fucking door, you idiot!” or thereabouts.
What could annoy: Getting to the theater and everyone comes out saying, “Oh my God. I was so scared. I was crying. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” and you get in there and after the first few predictable scares of the “ Oh, no, not an open window and in jumps the cat” variety, you’re wondering if you paid your cell phone bill this month and that you really should have gotten Twizzlers because Snowcaps just really aren’t as fun.
The reviews are still a bit middle of the road for this one, but steadily climbing.
When Annie, a 14-year old girl is seduced by a 41 year-old internet predator she knows only as “Charlie” it tears apart her family. While her father becomes obsessed with revenge fantasies, Annie enters therapy, where she refuses to admit she’s been victimized.
What you can expect: A newer take on a well-traveled road. The story is still relevant since our collective interconnectedness has increased with the advent of social networking sites, but the genre may be a bit overworked as of late. This is David Schwimmer’s of Friends fame sophomore directing effort. Clive Owen has been fairly quiet in the last couple of years, and it’s interesting seeing him play the family man as opposed to the sexy lead. This may mark the evolution of his career, or potentially the continued stalling if the movie doesn’t capture an audience in the same way some of his earlier indie efforts were able to achieve.
What could annoy: The well-treaded cyber stalker trope. We’ve seen this done before and done differently and probably better by other actors. Ellen Page in Hard Candy comes to mind. Every once in a while we get these teen girls as victims movies, and it’s possible we as the audience are less impressed with this story than Hollywood would like to admit. If you’re a fan of Law & Order: SVU this may not be altogether new territory.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZXV-GLoLJc
A lot less super than what they were hoping for.
When sad-sack loser Frank (Rainn Wilson) sees his ex-addict wife (Liv Tyler) willingly snatched by a seductive drug dealer (Kevin Bacon), he finds himself bereft and wholly unable to cope. But soon he decides to fight back under the guise of a DIY superhero called Crimson Bolt. With a hand-made suit, a wrench, and a crazed sidekick named Boltie (Ellen Page), the Crimson Bolt beats his way through the mean streets of crime in hopes of saving his wife.
What you can expect: Rainn Wilson taking on the sad schlubby role! Well, we always knew he had it in him. And his character on The Office is practically some sort of idiot savant superhero as it is, so this is an easy transformation. It’s nice to see Liv Tyler in something again. She was sort of an indie darling, something about her just not lending itself to many mainstream movies, other than the occasional elf, or Ben Affleck love interest, and I’m happy to see her still in this genre. Ellen Page another indie maven makes an appearance here apparently picking up with Wilson where her Juno character left off. All in all it looks to be a dark comedy held together with a more than apt cast. And yes, the Bacon’s in it.
What could annoy: Rainn Wilson. He’s an odd ball and he’s quirky, yes. His delivery in the film seems to be a bit of a one note, and possibly a bit whiny, which can sometimes eek out a bit too much in his The Office performances as well. Staying close to this comfortable realm may not be the worst thing in the world, but it appears that he still has a ways to go to be on the same footing as Ed Helms, another Office alum who’s recently transitioned into movies, and has largely won appeal for his efforts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eL57ncw2jr8
A bunch of girls get all punchy, wimps aren’t losers, losers are losers, mostly if they’re big brothers, and peeping your family just sounds like something you shouldn’t do, well, unless you tell jokes in the 1980’s on the Sunset Strip while wearing skinny ties and sport coats with the sleeves rolled up. This was a thing!
This weekend’s movies sound embarrassing.
Ok, uh, wow. This is unfortunate. The reviews…well, the reviews say you should see Paul this weekend.
“Sucker Punch” is an epic action fantasy that takes us into the vivid imagination of a young girl whose dream world provides the ultimate escape from her darker reality. Unrestrained by the boundaries of time and place, she is free to go where her… “Sucker Punch” is an epic action fantasy that takes us into the vivid imagination of a young girl whose dream world provides the ultimate escape from her darker reality. Unrestrained by the boundaries of time and place, she is free to go where her mind takes her, and her incredible adventures blur the lines between what’s real and what is imaginary.
What you can expect: Remember that cartoon in the 90’s, The Powerpuff Girls? Yeah? Okay, I think it may be something like that. At least it looks like something like that with a little bit of Annie thrown in. There’s an evil den mother, a bunch of ass kicking orphans, and a dragon. Wait. A dragon? Yes, apparently there’s some sort of evil dragon, because well, why not a dragon? Apparently dragons like being in CGI-laden movies with a bunch of nubile girls running around with swords and pigtails. Sounds like pervy dragons, but whatever. I imagine a lot of slow-motion fight scenes. Lot’s of overuse of that 300 style cinematography minus the spray on abs, and far-reaching, desolate scorched earth, because if you’re going to be a Powerpuff Girl with a sword in pigtails hanging out with dragons and fifty percent of what made High School Musical popular, it better be the apocalypse.
What could annoy: Copious amounts of CGI, just heaps and loads of it. Bad writing, a bad script, and characters milling around in a large spectacle with a lot to do, but not much to say. This can be a problem with using CGI like this. While the images are fantastic and gorgeous, if there’s not enough story built around it, it can just be window dressing. And for those that try to loop something around such extreme visuals it may become confusing and overblown. I fear Suck Punch suffers from both. Also, Jon Hamm is somewhere in this thing, which now seems like a wasted effort. Don Draper isn’t really hitting it out of the movie ball park. He may need a better agent.
Roddy may rule over the “wimp“ but that‘s about all. The reviews say there may not be a three.
In this sequel to 2010’s surprise hit, Greg Heffley, the kid who made “wimpy” cool is back in an all-new family comedy based on the best-selling follow-up novel by Jeff Kinney. (Kinney’s Wimpy Kid” series has thus far sold 42 million books.) As he… In this sequel to 2010’s surprise hit, Greg Heffley, the kid who made “wimpy” cool is back in an all-new family comedy based on the best-selling follow-up novel by Jeff Kinney. (Kinney’s Wimpy Kid” series has thus far sold 42 million books.) As he begins seventh grade, Greg and his older brother – and chief tormentor – Rodrick must deal with their parents’ misguided attempts to have them bond.
What you can expect: A trip back to middle school. Oh, jeebus. Personally, I’d rather get my teeth scraped. I can’t imagine anything I’d like to do less than go back to middle school. Middle school kids are crazy. They’re like little balls of nutty hormones walking around all weird and full of B.O. Nonetheless, this movie is really for kids. The antics of siblings from beloved books has become the newest kid-friendly thing in film. I thought the making of the Ramona books into a movie was cute. This one may still rate on the cute meter, but critics don’t think much else is impressive, but then what are they expecting?
What could annoy: It’s possible the movie tries to be all things to the age group, cute, funny, poignant, and message-y, when it could have picked one of those themes and ran with it. Apparently there’s some bullying type stuff that goes on here. As the viewing public, we really don’t like to identify with the bully. We’re kind of an underdog crowd, so the fact that the story is told from the bully’s point of view could seem odd, but it does allow for the younger brother (the bully-ee) to steal some scenes and lighten the moment.
Well, somebody thought this was a good idea. Lots more people disagreed.
As the Meyerwitz clan prepares for the 70th birthday of nasty family patriarch HENRY (Ron Rifkin), PEEP WORLD, the expose written by youngest son NATHAN (Ben Schwartz) has gone red hot, making a mess of all of their lives. JACK (Michael C. Hall), the oldest son, is failing in his career and now has to bend over backwards to convince his wife LAURA (Judy Greer) that certain, ahem, salacious events in Nathan’s book weren’t really committed by him. Sister CHERI (Sarah Silverman), a drama queen and struggling actress, can see the PEEP WORLD movie set from her window. Meanwhile, black sheep JOEL (Rainn Wilson), a disaster in slow-motion, plots to turn his life around at his family’s expense.
What you can expect: Family drammmaaazzz. Something you’ve seen before, and probably seen done better. A wacky, dysfunctional family, comes together for a family event, where they get to display their collective wackiness. Cue fights over childish and silly things, lots of venting, lots of blaming, and the well-worn tread of protagonist and antagonist roles. The odd-ball family trope was hugely popular in the 1980’s when people just started feeling comfortable discussing D-i-v-o-r-c-e at the dinner table. A cast that includes, Michael C. Hall, Rainn Wilson, and Sarah Silverman should be full of fun, jokes, mustard colored business suits, and maybe a dead body? No, okay. Maybe not that.
What could annoy: Unfunny jokes about family dysfunction. This is a really bad stand-up routine from 1987 starring Paula Poundstone. There’s really no need to keep doing this unless Zach Galifianakis is in it or it’s a reality show on VHI (Mafia Wives coming soon! This is scary.) It also looks to be a waste of people that we already find marginally funny. I admit that I don’t always get Sarah Silverman’s humor, but lots of people think she’s witty, right? Or do most people think like I do, but want to sound cool when they’re in the coffee shop eating a scone while sitting with their Whole Food shopping bags and hipster sandals?
Anyway, here’s the trailer for Peep World. Judge for yourself, maybe you’ll like it. Maybe you have a real love for Paula Poundstone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Att6tLpHbHA
It’s hard to fit in. You would think that as a pint-sized alien with a very adult sensibility it shouldn’t be so hard, right? Well, that’s obviously not the case if you like eating raw birds, or showing your junk to a couple of Brits in a Winnebago. And what about that misfit guy who gets the gift of a lifetime and is now suave all of a sudden? Has he ever heard of “Never making a deal with the devil?” I would think that’s part of taking the “I’m now awesome” drug 101. And well, no one ever likes lawyers. Those guys are just jackals in loafers. But hardest of them all is fitting into high school. That’s the worst. Well especially if you look like a young Jeff Spicoli. That’s just gotta be extra hard.
Let’s see how they all make it work.
So far the reviews aren’t in the toilet! Success. Well, at least if you’re Seth Rogen.
Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead) reunite for the comedy adventure Paul as two sci-fi geeks whose pilgrimage takes them to America’s UFO heartland. While there, they accidentally meet an alien [Seth Rogen] who brings them on an insane road trip that alters their universe forever.
What you can expect: More aliens. EVER MOAR! Well, okay. Obviously our fascination with space and the naked men that live there hasn’t abated. No matter how many times we see aliens we always find them to be interesting, I guess. But now this one tells jokes! Seth Rogen will be witty in an off-color way. He’ll say some crass things, and there may be some significant toilet humor. This is Seth Rogen we’re talking about. Some guest appearances by the likes of Jason Bateman, Kristin Wiig, and Bill Hader in addition to Peg and Frost will keep the funny going. We suspect there will be a few heartwarming moments here. Not E.T. heartwarming but enough for the viewer to say, “Aw.” And that may be enough.
What could annoy: It’s another alien movie. With two alien movies opening back-to-back, moviegoers may have to choose, and it’s possible that Big, Bang, Boom, will still win out over small duck out of water alien story. And well, Seth Rogen. Not everyone finds his sloppy-guy humor funny. It’s like the second generation of Adam Sandler, and that dude’s movies are pretty unwatchable. Here’s hoping Seth keeps it all in the safe zone and leaves more of the silly, less urbane comedy to the Sandler and James duo. We have a feeling Wiig, Hader, and Bateman will be natural scene stealers. Let’s hope they use their talents in the best way possible.
Well apparently there are limits, and these hover somewhere around mediocre.
Aspiring author Eddie Morra (Cooper) is suffering from chronic writer’s block, but his life changes instantly when an old friend introduces him to NZT, a revolutionary new pharmaceutical that allows him to tap his full potential. With every synapse crackling, Eddie can recall everything he has ever read, seen or heard, learn any language in a day, comprehend complex equations and beguile anyone he meets as long as he keeps taking the untested drug.
What you can expect: Much, much posturing by Bradley Cooper. A frenzied roller coaster of a ride that changes aesthetically based upon which state Cooper’s character is in. DeNiro will attempt to give the suspense thriller its gravitas, and Abby Cornish its heart, but it really is all Cooper’s show. From the slick and flashy to the downtrodden and morose, it will be up to Cooper to convey exactly what the character is thinking and feeling as the levels go from mid-range to heightened and then crashing back down to reality.
What could annoy: There may be too much suspension of belief involved, and Cooper’s character may be too slick and stylized to work on a few levels. It’s possible the notion of using drugs in such a carefree manner could feel a bit irresponsible. In addition, where the movie could have more of an impact, and really dig a bit deeper into the aspects of the drug, it’s possible the movie glosses over those parts and uses Cooper’s penchant for comedy to carry the moment.
Hey McConaughey may have a bit of a hit on his hands! Who knew? Well, that’s a reason to wear a shirt, right?
Mickey Haller (Matthew McConaughey) is a Los Angeles criminal defense attorney who operates out of the back of his Lincoln sedan. Haller has spent most of his career defending garden-variety criminals, until he lands the case of his career: defending Louis Roulet (Ryan Phillippe), a Beverly Hills playboy accused of rape and attempted murder. But the seemingly straightforward case suddenly develops into a deadly game of survival for Haller. Based on the best-selling novel by Michael Connelly.
What you can expect: Richard Roeper says that it’s a “return to classic court room drama“. Wow, when was the last time we’ve seen that outside of NBC’s cancelled Law & Order series? Surely not in a film in a long time. Viewers may recall that when McConaughey was at his best, before all the romantic comedies wherein he played the same swaggering southern cad, he blew audiences away as the passionate lawyer in A Time to Kill. If he’s bringing half the talent he displayed then to this offering now, than that’s a formula for success.
What could annoy: The screen adaptation of Michael Connelly’s legal thriller could be a big bite for the movie to chew. There may be a few formulaic plot points and a slight level of predictability that could belie the efforts of Matthew McConaughey’s work, but that isn’t the large consensus. So far the critics are lauding the efforts of a chest-covered McConaughey, but very little at this point has been stated about the acting of Cruel Intentions star Ryan PhilliPeePee. The double Pee is obviously trying to jumpstart his flagging career, and the coupling with McConaughey could help with that…that is if moviegoers can overlook all the duds McConaughey has put out lately and go see this film.
The reviews so far are pretty awesome.
Struggling attorney Mike Flaherty, who volunteers as a high-school wrestling coach, takes on the guardianship of an elderly client in a desperate attempt to keep his practice afloat. When the client’s teenage grandson runs away from home and shows up on his grandfather’s doorstep, Mike’s life is turned upside down as his win-win proposition turns into something much more complicated than he ever bargained for.
What you can expect: An emotional journey, and a good story to boot. Seems to be a quiet unobtrusive movie, but buoyed by heart and a wealth of compassion. There are comedic moments that roll off the tongue of Paul Giamatti with ease. He can play the loveable schlubby guy like no one else in Hollywood. Newcomer Alex Shaffer appears to do more than hold his own. He approaches the role with the same vigor as he does wrestling, with zeal and focus. Amy Ryan is always fantastic, and looks to do more of that here. All in all, a great showing by everyone involved.
What could annoy: Watch the trailer. If that doesn’t pull at your heartstrings, you were made in Steve Jobs’ laboratory.
