Well, do you have tickets for the November 18th opening night of the next installment of the Twilight Saga, Twilight: Breaking Dawn or as I refer to it lovingly, reverently, and comically — Twilight: Pulsing Uteri? No? You better hurry up! Tickets are selling like mad. Mad I tell you! Mad like a shruggy virgin about to have the sparkle sex for the first time with a bed-crushing, star-dusted vampire nebulous, and then give birth to the world’s first twinkle fetus!
It. Will. Be. Glorious.
Yes, even your new iPhone 4S is going to be crappy within 3 minutes of you getting your dirty hands on it. The problem is people don’t wash their hands after going to the loo and you use your phone to entertain yourself while sitting on your porcelain throne. Then to top it all off you lie to researchers when they ask you if you washed your hands. Shame! Continue reading
I think IKEA can peer into our very souls and find all it needs to continue a successful business making furniture out of toothpicks and laughing manically while you buy said tower of non-weight bearing splinter-shards, attempt to put it together, fail miserably…and then return for more Scandinavian bludgeoning. I’m not kidding. They are absolute geniuses. Their whole dynamic plan of execution is fantastic. I’ve never seen a place more proud to sell crap, mock you mercilessly while doing so, seduce you with cooking items for a mere pittance…thereby sustaining the addiction, and then taunt you with meatballs.
Let’s break down the sport that is IKEA.
Last weekend we here at Crasstalk waged a mighty battle to find the worst that modern music has to offer. Unfortunately, we also discovered that many of us are big fans of these horrible songs, even if we will only admit it on the internet. I will not name the person who likes the Little River Band, but it was really that bad. So, after some discussion, it was decided that Crasstalk needed a regular column to celebrate bad taste. So I bring you Guilty Pleasures, a series for you to confess the darkest secrets of your cultural soul. This week we will discuss the very worst in television. There is plenty of bad TV to choose from, but don’t be bashful. Show us the absolute worst stuff you watch when you have the house to yourself. I’ll show mine first, just to make it fair.
A special thanks to LoremIpsumDolor, Mean_Ol_Liberal, and Daisy_Sage for coming up with this idea.
This is Jericho. Yes, I know it is terrible, but The Grand Inquisitor pretty much likes any show that starts with a nuclear war in the first episode.
On sort of a similar note, I am the only person in the entire country who liked this show.
Back off, nerds. I’m not gonna argue about it.
All right, I have bared my soul. Now it’s your turn.
Can a costume be the harbinger of doom? Yes, yes it can. The costume is the first introduction to the superhero. It’s the “Hello, hi, nice to meet you. I’m here to kick your ass.” moment of clarity. It is that defining split-second that reassures the audience that they’re in capable hands, that all is right with the world, and that in no way is shiny plastic wearable or should be seen outside of a garbage scow under the Verrazano Bridge.
Well, we would be mistaken on that last part, apparently.
Behold what the makers of the Wonder Woman television reboot think is acceptable for an iconic super maven. Uh, yeah. If your first question isn’t, “Who went to Party City and got one of those all-in-one Halloween costume packs that said SUPERHERO GIRL on the front?” then stop reading this, get up right now, and beat yourself about the head with a roll of pork, and then come back.
This is serious business. How could anyone look at those electric cerulean blue, Euro-technotronic pants and not say “Rave in Prague“, or “Extra in a Saw Movie?” I couldn’t imagine anything worse had they wrapped her legs in dung and cellophane.
I get the thinking. I do really. They wanted to get away from the revealing booty-short Lynda Carter wore in the 1970’s original. I would assume the booty-short was thought to be overly sexualized, and probably not what would be considered acceptable in today’s more conservative times. Huh? Well, that would certainly explain retaining the bodacious bustier then, right? Because that is clearly not sexualized in any way. No, not at all. A red bursting bustier is just the epitome of Amish chic. But okay fine, if you want to do pants, if that is a necessity, then how about you not make them look like the cheapest pair of pantaloons ever created, eh? And even Adrianne Palicki isn’t so convinced this is a good idea. Look at her face! That face doesn’t say, “Wonder Woman, hear me roar.” It says, “I’m not fire-resistant.”
This does not bode well for the reboot. Aside from reports that David E. Kelley’s version of the show will turn the superheroine into some weepy Ally McBeal-esque faction, complete with angst and odd-ball characteristics, now it looks like we can’t even depend on a decent costume to save the show. Those of us who would like to check it out to see for ourselves are fearful of what the David E. Kelley Plastic-Legged Wonder Woman, on NBC, the ruiner of most things on television, will bring to the table in concept, writing, and effects. See how much rides on a good costume?
After all, the right costume has made or broken a heroine.
If you’re talking about slinky, sexy, cunning, and just a tad bit vulnerable, then these classic incarnations of Catwoman make the grade every time. A black catsuit and a mask was all this minx needed. In a boy’s world whenever these sirens popped up on screen they stole the show and took hold of the story just by their presence. Whether or not the new Wonder Woman will join their ranks remains to be seen. Doubtful.
Conversely, if a terrible costume is any indication of what the movie itself will produce, then the recent offerings of Catwoman and Elektra should be fair warning to any and all that attempt to step into the realm of crime fighter. I think it’s actually been proven that if the first stills come out and the costume receives bad reviews then so goes the movie. I can remember both responses to these as being pretty abysmal, and yup, the movies stunk up the screen like a festering bowl of rotten eggs hidden under the ass of a baboon.
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Once you start getting into the realm of flash and you leave simplicity behind, the total embodiment of the project can become campy and cartoonish, and the easiest identifier is a costume that just doesn’t work, or worse takes itself too seriously, and possibly too literally.
If the whole point is to add a little humor, and some light-hearted fun to this character, then perhaps something with a little more balance, and a little less eye-gobbling blue, would have been better, and less of a joke. I can’t fathom how this costume will work on any level that isn’t a spoof on the general awfulness of most female superhero costumes. I can see her running awkwardly in this. Urgh. Flying in the now absurdly comical invisible plane. Ooomph. Attempting to talk tough to bad guys. Yeesh. I cringe….I just cringe.
Let’s just hope there’s something else left to salvage about this television reboot (Cary Elwes and Elizabeth Hurley joining the cast! No, that’s probably not it.), and that burning that costume is as easy as it looks. If nothing else, NBC, take a look at what GeekNative.com found! Not great, but better! At least it doesn’t make me want to punch your design guys with a booty-short, well, until I think about David E. Kelley, and then that itch returns. Stupid.
[Top Image via The Daily Telegraph]