I hope y’all have had the opportunity to be a little bit like Wednesday Addams today! I’m sure you know a lot of annoyingly frigid Stepfords in pastel orange that could use a little metaphorical drowning ifyouknowwhatI’msayin’. Oh. You don’t. Well that’s OK.
Pregnancy is bizarre. There is no getting around it. I found lots of information about what to expect, but I was still surprised by a whole bunch of stuff.
Here are ten things that I did not expect:
You may have noticed that this is the first time I have done SSC posts on back-to-back weeks, which means that there is something really special in store.
We’re starting an Eight Week Challenge! For the low, low… LOW price of eight overshares, you’ll get a lovely group of drill sergeants, cheerleaders, and shoulders-to-cry-on to carry you to your next fitness goal. Tony Horton has nothing on this deal. COMMIT NOW or forever hold your peace.
We have reached the merciful, God-fearing, flag covered, chastity belt wearing, boot scoot boogeying end of this, the longest season on American Idol history. J.Lo’s legs couldn’t squeeze more cheese out of this show had they been wrapped around Seacrest’s neck. In summary, it was a little bit country and not at all rock and roll – a good old fashioned ho-down! Continue reading
You know how sometimes when you are in your car and late for an appointment and some lazy, gallingly self-entitled, recently pubescent, fauxhemian saunters across the street in front of you, all sloth-like in his gait? Well, rather than throw away my home and good credit score by crushing his pork-pie sportin’ cranium into the back end of an idling UPS truck, I take this precious minute or two and sort things out in my vodka-addled brain. Here are ten such items.
What do you get when you mix an 80’s vampire cult classic with modern day Hollywood ruination? Colin Farrell and Anton Yelchin slinking around in what looks like Disturbia meets The Lost Boys: Just One Corey Left. Continue reading
Shamed former vice presidential nominee and John Kerry running mate John Edwards will likely be indicted within two weeks by federal prosecutors investigating allegations that during his run for the 2008 presidency Edwards solicited campaign donations for the express purpose of trying to pay-off a woman he was having an affair with. Well we all know how that ended.
There is a certain peace in bathrooms. Those little rooms, or big rooms with little stalls, are a haven.
The official diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder and major depression came about eight years ago. All my life, I’ve been scared. I’ve been scared to approach people, because who would want to talk to me? I’ve been afraid to leave the house dressed badly, because the masses might stone me. I’ve been afraid to talk, because what if I said the wrong thing? Continue reading
Before Al Gore or David Hasselhoff invented the Internet, or you were able to finally go to the mall arcade to play Space Invaders and possibly buy reefer by the restrooms, you and your siblings sat down at the dining room table and pulled out the old board game where some measure of victory was won, or someone cried tears into their bowl of ice cream. Loser! Draw Four! Continue reading
I have been consumed by the process of buying a house. This is my first time, so I was hoping it would all go easy on me, like it did when I was 15. But no. There’s been no large bottle of Jergens nor any friendly strangers. It’s been all Rodents on Treadmills, Circular Obsessive Thinking and, to top it all off, someone actually handed me a flyer tonight with the following quotation:
Anxiety is that range of distress which attends willing what cannot be willed.