Pregnancy is bizarre. There is no getting around it. I found lots of information about what to expect, but I was still surprised by a whole bunch of stuff.
Here are ten things that I did not expect:
- Hound dog senses. I could smell everything, even lettuce. I could probably identify down to the minute the last time someone near me had showered. I could smell chicken, my arch enemy, from a mile away. I’ve always disliked perfume but it became a menace when I was pregnant.
- Big feet. My feet grew two sizes during one of my pregnancies. It took quite a while for them to shrink back down. Some people end up with permanently larger feet. If you’re considering getting knocked up, don’t buy new shoes. You may not be able to wear them.
- How many people would try to touch me. I am not big on being touched by people outside my immediate family. When I was six months pregnant, we went to Mexico. I practically got molested by women fawning over me.
- How awesome it would be to go to Mexico pregnant. I have never been so fussed over in my life. I felt like royalty. Everyone tried to take care of me. They brought me juice, carried my bags at stores and when we were in the security line at the airport, a guard escorted me through so I could skip the line and sit down in a comfy chair.
- How big my boobs would get. I knew they’d get bigger, but I can’t describe the delight of going from an A cup to a C cup. It didn’t last long afterward, but it was fun.
- That I would get in an argument about tomato juice with a flight attendant. I was craving it like crazy. She didn’t want to give it to me because the salt content is so high. It’s true that it is and that pregnant women should not have too much salt, but it was a one-time thing. Also, I was 35 and felt capable of making my own decisions. If you have ever been around a pregnant woman craving something, you know better than to mess with her.
- How ridiculously emotional I would get. The March of the Penguins was released during my first pregnancy. NPR played an audio clip of a mother penguin grieving over a dead baby penguin. I actually had to pull over on the highway to weep.
- How much I could enjoy food. I actually sort of miss that. I could practically have an orgasm over an entrée at a restaurant. I still like food a lot, but it’s not quite like that anymore.
- That the pregnancy Gestapo would be constantly monitoring my food and beverage intake. People you don’t know, like flight attendants, waitresses and Starbucks employees will comment on what you are eating. That God-forsaken book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” has caused a national panic about nutrition during pregnancy. Unless you have special circumstances, a little coffee or a single Diet Coke isn’t going to hurt you. If you accidentally eat lunch meat, it’s not necessary to rush to the ER. Sushi is definitely out, but you don’t have to have an anxiety attack about what to eat all the time.
- How freaking huge I would get. It was ridiculous.
How about you? What didn’t you expect?
