Sad Old Hate-Machine Newt Gingrich Charging for Pictures and Cutting Staff

By this point in the evening you godless liberals have likely already been made aware that Newt Gingrich is making the curious move of charging the few followers he still has $50 for the privilege of being photographed with him. That’s not the only change taking place around under the large rocks from which Gingrich HQ operates. See, Newt is a True Conservative, and knows that one can’t just address a budgetary issue through raising revenues. There must also be cuts to wasteful, inefficient programs, which is the perfect allegory for Newt’s entire campaign.

That’s why, according to a post on Politico this evening, Newt is washing out approximately a third of his staff as he tries to keep his campaign going until the Tampa convention. Apparently Tiffany’s doesn’t carry a line of credit for these sorts of expenditures. It’s all part of a strategy to try and trick voters into continuing to give him money until August, when he will try and trick Republican delegates into thinking he’s a serious candidate for the Presidency. Or, until he can at least raise enough cash to pay off the debt his campaign has taken on. Only then can he slink off into the Georgia outback to write a book about moon colonies and food stamps for the entirety of the Heritage Foundation to fap over.

Some may see this as merely an act of mercy on the part of Gingrich. After all, it’s not terribly self-affirming to get shorted a couple of paychecks, then have to put ‘Newt Gingrich Presidential Campaign’ as a former employer. Besides, this gives that one-third of his staff a leg up on job-hunting ahead of the rest of the staff, who have to wait until late August to explain to prospective employers just what it was they were thinking for the last year or so.

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