Knight of the Burning River

101 posts
KotBR is from the Midwest. Cleveland sports have been torturing him longer than some of you have been alive. Buy him a beer, and he'll probably tell you a story that's too long.

Pick Mitt Romney’s Campaign Theme Song

Seeing as how the GOP nominating season is effectively over now that Rick Santorum is done talking about coal miner’s ovaries or whatever, the Romney campaign can now focus on important things. Important things like sending a bus to follow the President around at his appearances, or trying to make a thing of the fact that the President ate dog meat as a child.

Really, the campaign should focus on a much more important next step: picking a campaign theme song. A campaign theme song can tell voters so much about who you are as a candidate. Are you hip, down to earth, yet totally inspirational and leadershipfull? (Yes, I made that last one up) Continue reading →

What Now for Tracy Martin and Sybrina Fulton?

The subject of the Change.org email said it all: ‘Finally’

In the words that followed, Tracy Martin and Sybrina Fulton, the parents of Trayvon Martin, expressed their satisfaction and relief that their son’s killer, George Zimmerman, had been charged with the murder of their son. It was a battle that spanned more than six weeks for Martin and Fulton as they sought justice for their son. Certainly, there are no guarantees that the Florida court system will provide the measure of justice Trayvon’s parents desire. However, the fact that Zimmerman will face a jury weeks after Sanford police seemed content to allow him to simply walk away under the cover of Florida’s Stand Your Ground law has to feel like justice in and of itself. Continue reading →

Sad Old Hate-Machine Newt Gingrich Charging for Pictures and Cutting Staff

By this point in the evening you godless liberals have likely already been made aware that Newt Gingrich is making the curious move of charging the few followers he still has $50 for the privilege of being photographed with him. That’s not the only change taking place around under the large rocks from which Gingrich HQ operates. See, Newt is a True Conservative, and knows that one can’t just address a budgetary issue through raising revenues. There must also be cuts to wasteful, inefficient programs, which is the perfect allegory for Newt’s entire campaign. Continue reading →

Mitt Romney’s Inevitableness, Now With 100% More Bush!

Can't you see it's my turn now? I can't believe I have to keep explaining this.

Things sure are going swell for good old Mitt Romney these days. Tuesday, he won the super important GOP primary in the not-at-all winnable-in-the-general-election state of Illinois. Then, on Wednesday, he picked up an endorsement from Jeb Bush of the Texas New England Bushes, who would likely be running for President himself if it weren’t for the fact that even Americans have enough of an attention span to remember how well the last Bush presidency worked out for 99.5% of us.

Nevertheless, it’s a big Republican name, and surely it was a big, ringing endorsement, right? Well… Continue reading →

Your Day Two NCAA Tournament Viewing Guide

After a day in which the NCAA tournament mostly followed form, with only a handful of upsets, we begin the day with 48 teams left in the tournament. By this time tomorrow, 16 more squads will pack it in for home. Today brings us another full slate of games to that end, with the usual overlap required to play that many games in 12 hours. Where should your eyes land, if you’re lucky enough to be home and preparing for St. Patrick’s Day?  Continue reading →

Your Day One NCAA Tournament Viewing Guide

With the field of 64 now set, the real fun begins bright and early on Thursday. Once again, the NCAA is working with multiple cable partners to ensure that every game appears on television. If you own or live at a bar, this is great news for you on top of the fact that you own or live at a bar. For the rest of us watching from home, it means being judicious with the remote, lest you miss something truly exciting. Not having tru TV (like a good chunk of Americans) helps too.

Also helpful? Our second annual Crasstalk NCAA Opening Round Viewers Guide. Yes, I know the NCAA now considers Thursday and Friday ‘Round 2’ because of the First Four BS, but that’s not flying around here. Now, where to land on Thursday: Continue reading →

eBaying at the Moon: Taking Care of Business

The first time I purchased something on eBay was 1999—a gently used Nintendo64 from some guy in Kansas I think. It was remarkably pain-free, as far as buying something off the internet from a stranger goes. Over the years, I’ve made a number of varied purchases via the world’s biggest auction site. As the site has grown into the billion dollar behemoth it is today, so has the range of items you can purchase, which is both amazing and a little frightening. Continue reading →

Super Tuesday Live-Blog/Open Thread

Last time we talked, Willard Romney was squeaking out a win in Michigan, Rick Santorum was frothing at the mouth, Newt was complaining about something, and Ron Paul was freezing gold bars in his Frigidaire.

That was over a week ago, though. Tonight, tonight is the big one my friends. Super Tuesday! Polls in Ohio close at 7:30, and the dominos start falling from there. Ten states are up for grabs, and with Romney whittling away Ricky’s lead in Ohio in recent days, it certainly looks to be anyone’s guess who walks away from tonight the big winner.  Continue reading →

Rick Santorum Surges Into NASCAR

The Florida GOP primary may be a distant and not-too-grand memory for Rick Santorum, but an important and much more widely followed Florida event has attracted ol’ Ricky’s attention today. If you happen across Santorum’s name emblazoned across a perpetually left-turning vehicle on the television today, it’s not your hangover. That’s right, the sometimes-leader in the GOP presidential primary death-match has purchased a sponsorship of a car in today’s Daytona 500.  Continue reading →