Daily Archives: January 27, 2012

10 posts

COW Bloody COW

Help me, Rhonda. You were a prickly bunch this week, Crasstalkers. So much strife. So much angst. So much of it over a movie most of you haven’t even seen. What is wrong with you? Good grief. Your one saving grace is that you never lose your sense of humor, no matter how dark it gets in here. Hit the jump, and let’s retrace your week’s journey. Continue reading

GOP Debate Recap: The Clown Show Goes to Jacksonville

Newt Gingrich enjoys campaigning in North Florida.

The candidates met in Jacksonville, Florida’s most charmless city, to once again argue about who is least unlikeable. Gingrich is hoping to build on the momentum from South Carolina, where he was less despised than Romney. Romney wants to score some sort death-blow on the loathsome space-beast who stands between him and the nomination that is RIGHTFULLY HIS. Poor morose sweater-fetishist Dick Santorum want to recapture the glory days of Iowa, when HE was popular. Santorum is tired of being the Jan to Romney’s Marcia, and now, to make matters worse, Newt Gingrich is suddenly…Greg, or Davy Jones, or something. It’s not fair. He doesn’t want to blow this thing, and have his damned kids start blubbering, and have his wife give him THAT LOOK. He can’t stand it. Screw you, Romney! SCREW YOU! And the neither-living-nor-dead specter that stoner-hobos and Burning Man-enthusiasts call Ron Paul? He is here because he must be. He is not motivated by the gross lusts of Gingrich or the passionate anger of Santorum, for passion is a trait of the young, and Ron Paul is old, so very old. The gold, the lost gold of Osiris drives him, and his soul aches with an emptiness you cannot imagine. Continue reading

Project Runway All Stars Season One – Rooty Tooty Fresh And Fruity

Fresh from her glitter shower, Ke$ha totters onto the runway and informs the remaining sewtestants this week’s challenge is inspired by gelato – the colors and the flavors. Each designer chooses a flavor and then picks the next designer. Kara is picked last and she is left with “Chock-laat with Kye-in Peppahh” and of course she’s not happy with it. Michael is no longer The Victim, now Kara Janx is the victim. So it has been said, so it has been done. DVF styles herself out onto the runway and tells the sewtestants they have six hours to make a garment to impress her. Somewhere offstage, RuPaul can be heard saying “And Don’t Fuck It Up!”

You know there’s spoilers up in here, so don’t click if you don’t want to be spoiled! Continue reading

QOTD: Smells and Memory

When you’re gone, you probably hope that people will remember your noble deeds or staggering accomplishments. However, smell is the sense that is most strongly tied to memory. In my case, that means most people will probably remember an onion-y cheese smell when they think of me. Continue reading

Basic Tools Everyone Should Have

When I started college, along with sheets and towels and other things I never had to buy for myself, my mother insisted on getting me a small collection of tools. I didn’t understand why, but she insisted on it anyway.

Now, several years later, my toolbox has expanded dramatically, including all manner of esoteric items that may only have a single purpose. For this article, I wanted to share what I’ve found to be the most useful and indispensable tools and supplies you should keep around your home.

Continue reading

Ron Paul’s Supporters Are Crazy: The Myth of “The 564 Delegates” and Other Oddball Theories

The dread specter stoners and conspiracy-theory crackpots call Ron Paul

Ron Paul supporters believe a lot of whacky things–like, for example, that he is a Texan, when all sensible people know that he is a 3000-year-old Bronze Age shaman doomed to walk the earth until the gold of Osiris is returned.

This past week, I’ve noticed two particularly crack-potty theories being promulgated by Paul supporters, which I will deconstruct for you. The first is that Gingrich and Santorum are mathematically incapable of being nominated, because they aren’t on the ballot in enough states; the second is that Ron Paul’s fiendishly clever plan to lose every primary will get him enough delegates to get nominated. Continue reading