Project Runway All Stars Season One – Rooty Tooty Fresh And Fruity

Fresh from her glitter shower, Ke$ha totters onto the runway and informs the remaining sewtestants this week’s challenge is inspired by gelato – the colors and the flavors. Each designer chooses a flavor and then picks the next designer. Kara is picked last and she is left with “Chock-laat with Kye-in Peppahh” and of course she’s not happy with it. Michael is no longer The Victim, now Kara Janx is the victim. So it has been said, so it has been done. DVF styles herself out onto the runway and tells the sewtestants they have six hours to make a garment to impress her. Somewhere offstage, RuPaul can be heard saying “And Don’t Fuck It Up!”

You know there’s spoilers up in here, so don’t click if you don’t want to be spoiled!

Half an hour to sketch, then half an hour in “mini-Mood,” a tiny fabric store specially set up in the designer’s lounge area. The Victim is victiming all over everything, crying about how she’s “just DYYY-ing” and why she’s got the “Chock-laat with Kye-in Peppahh” and it’s got so much “FYYY-AH.” (Side note. Kara The Victim has the sorbet that I would have picked, were I on the show. Why is she whinging. Why.)

During the workroom franticness, Miss Sugarbaker keeps snapping on Miss Austin. Is she jealous? Is she mad? Is she in lurrrve? Either way, her snaps are delightful. Austin says his bobbin isn’t working, Suzanne tells the room “Ooh, white lady freakin out ovah heah. And shooz, I could sure use a cocktail up behind it.” Later, Austin is desperately trying to finish his design with a glue gun (Austin! Glue Gun! No!) and Miss Sugarbaker tells him “That is your dream in a hot glue stick” and “That is liquid thread” to which Austin replies “This is liquid imagination.”

Note on Joanna Coles’s visit to the workroom — you cannot help loving her whens she tells Rami that by designing a wrap skirt, he is sucking up to DVF. This is inevitable.

A whirl and a twirl, a quick skirmish over accessories and a close-up of a Brother™ clock later, it’s time’s up and off we go to the runway.

Today’s judges are Harvey Weinstein’s wife a/k/a Queen Marchesa, Isaac Mizrahi (Why was he absent last week? Bad blood with Miss Piggy?), Motherfucking Diane Von Furstenberg (if you don’t think you’ve worn her designs, trust me, you have. She’s inspired so many trends over the years. No joke.) and some random Aussie hanger called Miranda Kerr, who will wear the winning design.

Mondo’s cantaloupe kimono flows down the catwalk and it is seventies glamour. Miss Sugarbaker’s lime origami look is a bit hinky. Too thinky. Kenley’s passion fruit housedress has the right color story, but the chunky wedgie heel throws the whole thing off. Kenley, time for a boogie check.

Rami’s thinks his kiwi blech looks like a rich expensive girl. Maybe the styling does, but the actual garment says “green hobo.” Mila’s milk and sour cherry colorblocked beach coverup uses the sheer fabric to its best advantage. Whoever wears this cannot have an ounce of fat on their person because all sins will be revealed. Jerell’s “fruits of the forest” hippie outfit gets a smile from DVF and a grimace from me.

Kara The Victim and her “Chock-laat with Kye-in Peppahh” maternity dress. What was she thinking? The entire top is white, and the top third of the skirt is white and tan, the middle third is a chocolate color and the bottom is red. There are so many layers to the skirt that the model truly looks like she’s about to deliver twins, and that model is rail-thin. Any other woman wearing this dress would have random strangers coming up to her and patting her belly.

Michael’s grapefruit kimono/caftan swirls and flows down the runway. It’s a bit poufy, especially around the sleeves, but the dramatic back makes up for it. April / Faux Lady Gaga’s Veruca Salt (blueberry) costume is just a big no. Skirt’s too short in the back because she ran out of fabric. The bustier top looks like Batman’s ears. Somewhere off-camera, Michael Kors is whispering, “slutty slutty slutty!” Austin’s vanilla cream frock skips and twirls, and we’re done.

Austin, Rami, Jerell, and Kenley’s nostrils are safe. Off to the stew room with them.

The jerdges ask Kara The Victim about her design, and she goes on about her “flay-vuhs” but the jerdges are not buying it. Anfernee / Miss Sugarbaker explains his origami mess and the jerdges feel it’s too conceptual and not flattering. For once, when it comes to Mila, the jerdges get it. She gets a lot of positive words, which hopefully will prop her up next week.

Here comes Michael, strong off last week’s win, and he does a little sucking up to DVF (who wouldn’t?). The jerdges are not 100 percent behind the color but they like the design and DVF says Michael needs to call her after the show. Ecstacy! Fake Lady GaGa gets skewered, especially by Isaac, who tells her the garment is scary, then DVF throws down saying it looks like a Halloween costume. Ouch.

Mondo and the giant cantaloupe is universally loved by the jerdges, except for Ke$ha and Isaac who are not wild about the bright orange. When the jerdges deliberate, DVF has the best expression on her face when she tells Isaac he should love Mondo’s orange fabric, since he’s wearing a safety orange shirt. Excellent side-eye, Miss Von Furstenberg!

When the designers are called back, Mila takes third, Mondo second and Michael gets his second win in a row. Good on ya, Michael! No more victim for you.

Now, for the Bad News Bears. Anfernee takes third from the bottom, and we’re left with Fake Lady Gaga and Kara The Victim. In the end, The Victim gets another chance to torture some fabric, and it’s time for Fake Lady Gaga to GTFO. It’s okay, Fake Lady Gaga. As you say, you’re only 22. You’ve got time to learn to stop being a fabric torturer.

Next week, it appears that our sewtestants are sent to Central Park to convince random strangers to give the designers their clothes. It also appears that Anfernee / Miss Sugarbaker talks a muscle hottie into taking everything off except for his skivvies. Quite a tongue you got on you, Miss, that’s all I can say.

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