It’s that time of year again! The Cannes Film Festival is in full swing, and a few of your favorite Crassholes are here to give you the scoop on what’s hot and what’s not. Spirit Fingers, Capt_Badass and I will be reporting live from the red carpet outside the Palais des Festivals. Just kidding! It’s a bunch of fuchsia bathmats I lined up next to my television here in Queens. So! On to the big news that everyone’s talking about. Continue reading
See what happens when you all give the Grand Inquisitor a hangover? You get stuck with hacks like me writing Open Thread posts.
On the bright side, it’s almost Friday, and I know everyone is looking forward to the weekend! Wait, where have I heard that before?
Nevertheless, another week of the senseless grind is almost through. It’s summer. Go to a rock show, have a beer, get a contact buzz, and roll with the wind.
Once upon a time, in April of 2010, author and screenwriter Neil Gaiman was approached by the good folks at Stillwater, Minnesota’s library to come and speak, presumably about writing and the like. While he has been known to speak publicly from time to time, he’d much rather spend his days writing, so his agency asked for a kingly sum.
I’ve just applied to the Warner Bros. Television Writers’ Workshop. This famous fellowship for TV writers insists that all applicants submit “a short composition, no longer than a page, double spaced, telling us why you want to be a television writer and how your background will add a unique perspective to television.” Here’s mine: Continue reading
It’s the final four, chickens. How do your brackets look? Are they busted or did you pick Duke to win it all? I’m not going to lie. This is the most insane season of Idol yet. It could be because I started watching 10 years ago and even though none of us have aged, and Yo Dawg has not expanded his vocabulary one syllable, the show has become the babbling, shoulder-tapping teenager outside the convenience store who just will not let up until he gets his 12-pack of Keystone.
Have you checked the mail today? If so, there’s a decent enough chance that somebody somewhere wants to give you money. Banks are clamoring for you to transfer your balances to them for 0% APR (for the first 12 months or however long it takes you to read the terms and conditions, whichever is longer) or buy a car (as long as it’s new and you take out a 60 or 72 month loan) or refinance your house and pay less each month (conveniently leaving out loan costs you’ll incur by doing so). Continue reading
While some people may feel that dumping documents, books, and clothing into bankers boxes, or heaven forbid, Rubbermaid containers is an effective “organizational” strategy as witnessed above, I’m afraid they’re doing it wrong. In most cases, there is an objective and measurable “right” way of de-cluttering and storing. Once again, it’s time for Scandinavians to show us how with a few examples below.
You know how you looked up to that one girl or guy in high school and thought to yourself, “If only I were that cool, I would be so popular?”
By DahlELama and The_Obvious
Because it inspired bobbleheads, putting office supplies in Jello, and “That’s What She Said.” Because everything the inimitable Mindy Kaling does is genius. Because few couples on TV can match the chemistry of John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer during the three-year budding courtship of Jim and Pam….except maybe Steve Carell and Amy Ryan playing Michael and Holly. Because Phyllis’s secret bitchy side can be twice as vicious as Angela’s not-so-secret one. Because Oscar is one of the only characters on TV who happens to be gay instead of being A Gay Character. Because Meredith was born without the shame gene. Because Andy will never, ever look out of place in a J. Crew catalog. Because no one can make you laugh, seethe, and weep in one episode like Michael Scott. Because Kevin. Because Ellie Kemper is both hilariously unassuming and unassumingly hilarious. Because of course Ryan didn’t really go to Thailand. Because bears, beets, Battlestar Gallactica. Because planning a backup wedding ceremony made sense to absolutely everyone. Because it was an emergency; we look really good in white. Continue reading
I’ve come across an interesting psychological study involving your knowledge of various celebrities that I’d like to try out on the Crass Commentariat. The quiz is simple and will take you only a minute to answer. At the end of the post is a list of names. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you know about each individual on the list, where 1 is “never heard of them” and 10 is “know their life story”?