11 posts

Movies That Might Have Been

Movie making is sort of a crap shoot. The movie we see on the screen is the result of a series of choices and random happenstances. Oh, crazy 70s Dune movie that never was, how I wish I had your sweet Pink Floyd sound track. Oh well. Let’s look at some of these random happenings, and shriek with delight and/or dismay at what might have been. Continue reading

Five Films to Celebrate Halloween

Gather round. The temperature is dropping, the days are getting shorter and the leaves are dying. It can only mean one thing: menopause! Or autumn. Definitely autumn. Having already discussed those films that embody the season, let’s get specific. Which films do you watch in celebration of Halloween? Join me after the jump, and I’ll tell you which five spooky films I think are essential for the holiday! Continue reading

Crasstalk Goes to Cannes

It’s that time of year again! The Cannes Film Festival is in full swing, and a few of your favorite Crassholes are here to give you the scoop on what’s hot and what’s not. Spirit Fingers, Capt_Badass and I will be reporting live from the red carpet outside the Palais des Festivals. Just kidding! It’s a bunch of fuchsia bathmats I lined up next to my television here in Queens. So! On to the big news that everyone’s talking about. Continue reading

Thor Movie Review: Vermithrax Pejorative’s Version


Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, and Anthony Hopkins
Directed by: Kenneth Branagh
Written by: Ashley Miller, Zack Stentz, and Don Payne. From a story by J. Michael Straczynski and Mark Protosevich.
Based on the comic book Thor created by: Stan Lee, Larry Lieber, and Jack Kirby

Of all the comics that Marvel has brought to the screen over the last few years there is perhaps none that represented as bold a risk as that of Thor. It’s one thing to sell the public on a character with strong name recognition or that has a well known actor cast in the lead. Thor however was a different sort of gamble entirely. If people have heard of Thor at all it is more than likely to be in the context of Norse mythology. That he also has a long history as a character in the Marvel universe is something I feel most people are unfamiliar with. Continue reading

Movie Review: Mel Gibson Eases into Jodie Foster’s (the) Beaver

The Beaver
Starring: Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster, Anton Yelchin &; Jennifer Lawrence
Directed by: Jodie Foster
Written by: Kyle Killen

Few films of 2011 have thus far been I wouldn’t say anticipated, but more likely pondered over than The Beaver. The reason for that of course being that this is “Mad” Mel Gibson’s return to the big screen following the latest of his many shall we call them kindly “incidents.”

Much less in the spotlight but also of note is that it is Jodie Foster’s first directorial effort since 1995’s largely forgettable Home for the Holidays.

Rightly or wrongly, The Beaver has sort of been viewed as a crossroads in Gibson’s career. Will it be enough to earn him back some good will in the eyes of the people after his series of very embarrassing and very public blunders? Or will it be but a blip on the continuing descent of this once shining star? To me the answer isn’t quite so clear cut.
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QOTD: What’s Your Favorite Epic Film?

Oh yeah, I love your little art-house offbeat indie comedy starring Parker Posey and that guy with the strange nose from that one Wes Anderson movie. But sometimes you just need a big-ass, big-budget epic monster of a movie. How the fuck else are you supposed to waste all of Sunday afternoon on the couch?

So for today’s QOTD…

What’s your favorite epic movie?

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Question of the Day: Who’s Your Favorite Movie Director?

OK, movie buffs film geeks, we know you read Cahiers Du Cinema every week and masturbate to Akira Kurosawa retrospectives. So let’s talk auteurs…

Who’s your favorite movie director?

So don’t give us a laundry list. Let’s hear the one director whose movies you’d want to have on a dessert desert deserted island.

Since I’m a child of the 90s and still fondly remember going to see Pulp Fiction at the movie theater there on Rt. 30 in Wayne, I’m going with Tarantino. I still consider “ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT? to be right up there with the greatest all-time movie lines.

So who’s your favorite director?

Found Footage Friday – The Movie that Scared a Generation (in one small Indiana town)

Hello and welcome to the first Found Footage Friday, where I present all sorts of video footage you may find surprising and entertaining. I’m going to start with something very close to home.

I grew up in Bloomington, Indiana in the 1980s. Home of Indiana University and its esteemed folklore department and a small but thriving public access cable channel. I don’t know if it was a student’s folklore project or something the department decided to do, but if you say “Haunted Indiana” to any Bloomington child of the ’80s, they will tell you how it totally scared the hell out of them when they were kids. We now look back on it with great fondness and, thanks to the internet, it is something I can share with all of you.

It’s a collection of short horror stories based on Indiana folklore, shot on a budget of two buttons and a shoelace with a soundtrack stolen from Hitchcock’s Psycho and narrated by local TV personality Mike White. Here it is in all its glory. There is not much for me to tell you about it, just watch it (it’s less than an hour long) and discover the frightening horror that is Haunted Indiana-

Haunted Indiana Part 1 – Intro

Haunted Indiana Part 2 – Haunted Woods

Haunted Indiana Part 3 – The Cable Line Monster

Haunted Indiana Part 4 – The Campers

Haunted Indiana Part 5 – Burnt (a.k.a. the boring one before the really scary one)

Haunted Indiana part 6 – Monster in the Bedroom

That last one gave hundreds of children nightmares about never waking up the next morning. I hope you enjoyed the movie that was the stuff of nightmares for one midwestern town with a population (at the time) of less than 50,000 people. The world may never known the horror of Haunted Indiana, but now you do. Welcome to our nightmare.