The sun has set on wee Marco Rubio, part-time Florida senator. After a savage pummeling by cartoon-villain Donald Trump, wee Marco will not be president. Continue reading
GOP Primaries
10 posts
Panic in Detroit! Enjoy the latest GOP debate hellfest! See America’s Most Hated Canadian pummel the Great Orange Monster with his soft little fists! Watch the wee Boy Senator make poopy face! Hear homespun bullshit from that other guy! Mourn the absence of the smooooth soft jazz stylings of Dr Ambien! Starts at 9:00 Eastern on Fox News. You can live stream it here. Continue reading
Tonight the surviving Republican preztestants leave the harsh frozen maple wastes of New Hampshire and go to the swampy seditious mire of South Carolina, home of the next primary. Who will take on gargantuan cartoon colossus Donald Trump? Unlikeable Canadian Ted Cruz? Flavor-of-the-week John Kasich? Shorted-out sadness droid-child Marco Rubio? Ghostly apparition Jebulon Bush? Watch and mock/weep! The debate is on CBS at 9:00 Eastern. You can watch the stream here. Continue reading
Here it is, the last GOP debate before the Great New Hampshire Winnowing! Watch America’s Most Hated Canadian! See The Boy Senator! Watch the last member of the House of Bush bring shame upon his dynasty! It’s on ABC at 8:00 Eastern. Continue reading
Iowa has spoken! Ted Cruz has bathed in the sacred ethanol and been annointed by Iowa’s pig-men. Let’s commence with the wailing and gnashing of teeth. Continue reading
The magical process of presidential sausage making has begun! Let’s look at the results of the Iowa caucus. Continue reading
Here it is, the last GOP debate hellfest before the Iowa Over-pig anoints a caucus champion. Will grotesque claymation Christmas special-villain Donald Trump show up? See Ted Cruz, the world’s most despised Canadian! Chortle at JC Penney’s Boys’ Department empty suit Marco Rubio! Gaze in sorrow at sad deflated balloon animal Jeb! Bush! Yell back at hateful yell-beast Chris Christie! You can watch it on Fox News at 9:00 PM with your crazy uncle or stream it here. Continue reading
The hucksters, has-beens, never-was-es, and other assorted homunculi who make up the GOP presidential primary circus are gathering tonight in Las Vegas for another debate. Which of the tiny people will dare assault towering front-runner/cartoon villain Donald Trump? Buttery-soft Canadian Ted Cruz? Empty JC Penney’s Boy’s Collection suit and part-time senator Marco Rubio? What about fading shell-of-a-man John Ellis Bush? Will he land any blows with his soft little aristocratic fists? Oh, and the fat dude, the crazy doctor, and the mean lady will also be there. Join as we gaze in wonder at the whackadoodle spewing from their pie holes! You can enjoy the horror show here at CNN at 8:30 PM.
Koch Industries Resource Extraction Specialist and part-time Wisconsin governor Scott Walker took the last train to Pawlentyville and exited the presidential race on Monday. Continue reading
Things sure are going swell for good old Mitt Romney these days. Tuesday, he won the super important GOP primary in the not-at-all winnable-in-the-general-election state of Illinois. Then, on Wednesday, he picked up an endorsement from Jeb Bush of the Texas New England Bushes, who would likely be running for President himself if it weren’t for the fact that even Americans have enough of an attention span to remember how well the last Bush presidency worked out for 99.5% of us.
Nevertheless, it’s a big Republican name, and surely it was a big, ringing endorsement, right? Well… Continue reading