iowa caucuses

4 posts

The Iowa Caucus Live: One of These People Will Have the Best Night Ever

Yes, so, it comes down to this. Are we excited about tonight’s outcome? Yes! Either Romney, or one of these people who’ve seen a surge in their popularity for the simple reason of not being Mitt Romney could walk away with the whole she-bang! What will they get at the end of the night? Nothing, really, because soon they’ll have to battle it out in New Hampshire. And let’s not forget that Mike Huckabee won this thing in 2008 and didn’t get the nomination, so really all that matters is who drops out of the race tomorrow, right? Right. Continue reading

Michele Bachmann Will Take Your Pornos Away

Michele Bachmann, America’s Greatest President Ever, became the first Republican candidate to sign “The Marriage Vow,” some sort of insane blood-oath sponsored by a group of Iowa corn farming death cultists called FAMiLY Leader.

It seems that they stand for more than just nonsensical capitalization.

Many of the 14 points of the the Marriage Vow are typical inane hillbilly crap about not cheatin’ on yer wife and keepin them queers from marryin’. But a few of them are spectacularly batshit. Continue reading