Hey, Remember That Time Rand Paul Ran Away from a Mexican Immigrant?

Everyone will in 2016. This week, never stand up guy, and always an International Man of Plagiarism, Rand Paul, ran away from a Mexican Immigrant DREAMer on the basis that she could potentially ask him a bunch of questions that could lead to his saying something about immigration that could maybe coincide or not with the contradicting statements he’s made about immigration reform.

Paul can be seen shaking hands with Erika Andiola right before she announces that she’s a DREAMer. While doing so, Paul takes a big bite of his burger just to then nearly choke on it after his communications staffer gives him a look that translates into, “Code Fucking Red, Rand. Abort! Abort! Let’s Get Out of Here! Zoinks!” He then makes a very hasty exit leaving the rest of his burger untouched and his plate sitting where he left it.

We wonder if maybe he also parachuted off the top of a building, or maybe an underground trap door opened and he rolled down the chute into a GOP bunker after which he was dusted off and prepared with a statement in advance of the incident hitting the airwaves (Memes, Internet. Get on it.) Here’s what Rand was given to read on Fox’s Greta Van Susteren show, or also titled, Excuses and Feeble Declarations:

Now you know my life, my life on the campaign trail. But about five minutes before that or two minutes before that the video doesn’t show that another reporter came up and said will you do an interview. And I said I need to take a couple more bites and we’ll do an interview, and then I was told we had to leave and I had to do the interview.

So actually I stood about ten feet from those people who were doing sort of a Kamikaze interview and I stood ten feet from them and did another interview. And you know me, I’ve always been open to discussing immigration. I’m very open about discussing that I think there should be some kind of immigration reform.

Oh, yes, absolutely. Apparently discussing immigration reform as a potential presidential candidate with an actual immigrant can be done while scraping one’s chair back abruptly and engaging your politician issue mega ass throttle to get your keister away from the conversation as fast as one’s butt propulsion method can muster.

Paul’s reaction is a case of double cowardice, especially given the “in the dark of night” vote last Friday by House Republicans that would see the end to the Deferred Action for Child Arrivals (DACA) program, of which Andiola wanted answers for. Naturally this is all about those migrant children whom Republicans fear with something like intestinal cramping terror, and would like to march onto big barges set for Central America as fast as their little legs can carry them.

And what about Congressman Steve King? Yes, the other guy seen here talking with Andiola who goes on to congratulate her on speaking English while also intimating that she may be a drug dealer? This is because he believes there’s a legion of people brought to the US illegally that are CANTALOUPE-CALFED PEOPLE DONKEYS! (Oh, no. That’s not racist. Not at all.)

For everyone who’s a valedictorian, there’s another hundred out there who weigh a hundred and thirty pounds—and they’ve got calves the size of cantaloupes because they’re hauling seventy-five pounds of marijuana across the desert. Those people would be legalized with the same act.

We have people that are mules, that are drug mules, that are hauling drugs across the border and you can tell by their physical characteristics what they’ve been doing for months.

Yeah, this guy. He’s often been labeled a repellant, noxious, odious swamp goblin. He’s a goon, and an embarrassment to the party. Even Boehner has had to disavow his comments. For some reason though if you’re a Republican campaigning in Iowa his is the batshit crazy Tea Party Ring-of-Absurdity you curl your lips up to kiss. Essentially he’s Iowa’s version of Donald Trump.

For what it’s worth, website, americasvoice.org, begs to differ on the turn of events. They’ve posted a screenshot on their site from a different angle which shows Paul’s communications staffer sizing up Andiola before she asks her questions. Also, Paul’s reaction to his staffer telling him that it’s time to go, doesn’t really look to us as if he expected the request, or that he was in any real rush to go off to another interview. He looks for all the world like someone caught without his big boy pants who was abruptly told to “Run Man! Run like your political career depends on it! You’ll have time to make something up later.”

Image Source: Gage Skidmore

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