Daily Archives: October 16, 2012

9 posts

Debate Live Blog: Did the President Learn From Joe Biden?

As America limps towards the Presidential election, we find ourselves as divided a nation as ever. Conservatives and Progressives argue daily over everything-taxes, climate change, health care and a list of issues that never seems to end. Most Americans have long since decided where they stand, and damned if any debate changes that.

Fortunately, tonight’s town hall-style debate audience will have none of those Americans. Instead, we get a debate moderated by an anchor from America’s lamest cable network, populated by our lamest Americans: The undecided voters. We all know the type-unsure of who they will vote for, despite the fact that the President is an incumbent and Mitt Romney has been campaigning for this job since before we knew what an iPhone was.  Continue reading →

How Scared Are We For Tonight’s Debate?!


Let’s not even check to see what Andrew Sullivan is doing. We have the feeling he’ll be watching the debate in airplane “kiss your ass goodbye” position and that’s helpful for no one. But what we can say is that according to all the pundits, everywhere, this debate could mean the difference between staying in your home come January or booking that one-way ticket to Costa Rica. Good God! Did Rush Limbaugh ever buy a home there?! Continue reading →

The Daily Sausage – Tuesday Edition

Mitt’s Sister Souljah moment, a debate preview, debate questions you won’t hear, the stock market: liberal friendly, manufacturing jobs: also liberal friendly, Tommy Thompson goes too far, ending women’s suffrage, the dark side of China’s economic boom, the Internet buys Joe Biden a Trans Am, George Romney aide says Mitt no George, and Romney treats his staff like children. Continue reading →

Paul Ryan Outed as an Opportunistic Jerk… Again

Urgh. It really doesn’t get much worse than this, folks. This is one of those things that’s just so debased and boneheaded you really have to wonder what the thought process was. Early yesterday pictures circulated of Vice President Nominee, Paul Ryan, and his family, washing dishes at a soup kitchen in northeastern Ohio. Late yesterday the head of the charity confirmed the rumor that it was all a lie, and Ryan “did nothing” while there. Continue reading →

Your Child Is a Human Shaped Security Blanket

If you’ve been out in public during the past ten years you may have noticed that there are few “adult” domains dotting our landscape. I don’t refer to the “Live” “Nude” Times Square of decades past. I refer instead to any and everywhere. The stroller set has infiltrated your local coffee shop and bar (hey after a long day playing in a sanitized million dollar soft-edged heat-proof playground, you’d need a stiff drink too.) Restaurants whose white tablecloths and staggering bills once signaled and adult oasis, now have nuggets of processed foods on the menu (because after all small children do enjoy fine dining they just don’t enjoy actual food.) No doubt much of the free-range high pitched squealing you experience (in restaurants, bars or Holocaust memorial museums) is mostly due to a parent not wanting to deny themselves anything of their pre-parenting life. It would seem that some people skipped the “What to EXPECT when you’re expecting” chapter. Life should continue unaltered save for many more accessories. Continue reading →

Battle of the Running Mates

A week after Willard Romney overclocked his untruth modules and scampered energetically around the sleeping President during the debate in Denver, the two vice-presidential candidates met for a debate in the pleasantly whisky-scented auditorium at Yokelburg State College in Kentucky. Vice President Joe Biden’s goal was to stop weeping Democrats from jumping off of ledges. “Atlas Shrugs” cosplayer Paul Ryan wanted to show everybody he was all growed up. Continue reading →

The Career of Ray Lewis, in Gif Form

Put down your can of Natty Boh and stop saying “hon” for two seconds, Baltimore fans, because I have something to tell you: National Bohemian is a shitty fucking beer. It just is.

Also, it looks like Ray Lewis tore his triceps on Sunday. His season is over and this may very well be the end of a legendary 17-year-career. So instead of making fun of that ridiculous goddamn Dundalk accent that all Baltimorons speak with, let’s take a trip down memory lane and re-live the career of Ray Lewis — a football story as surreal and over-the-top as any John Waters movie.  Continue reading →