Botswana Meat Commission FC

286 posts
Botswana Meat Commission FC created when he saw the need for a crowdsourced solution to capturing Osama bin Laden. His heroes include Nick Denton and all Bronies ever.

Friday Night DJ Party: The Twitch Mix


It’s been a while since I’ve hit the kids with some new music. Here’s a mix I put together with a bunch of bass/trap tunes. I used my Novation Twitch to mix this up, which is a great tool for glitchy bass and electro music. I’m still getting used to playing on it, but I think this one came out sounding pretty TURNT UP. Continue reading

Future Shock – When James Brown was a Talk Show Host

The other day I was chatting with a friend of mine who’s a vinyl collector and die-hard James Brown fanatic. He mentioned to me a bootleg DVD he had of a long lost talk show called Future Shock that The Godfather of Soul himself, James Brown, hosted in Atlanta in the late 70s.

The show tapes are mostly gone and it has never been released on DVD. But sure enough, my boy was able to dig up some footage from Youtube, and well, it’s amazing in every way.  Continue reading

The 20 Most Mortifying Parts of Buzz Bissinger’s Insane Leather Fetish Essay

buzz bissingerYesterday we witnessed the greatest piece of journalism in the history of GQ. Friday Night Lights author (and frequent insane sports commenter) Buzz Bissinger gave us a personal essay that was ostensibly about his haute couture shopping addiction and $500,000 Gucci habit. But the piece was really more about Buzz’s description of a midlife crisis that evolved into a bizarre S&M leather fetish. Most men his age just buy a Corvette, but not this guy.

Buzz himself says his downward spiral came about after his three kids went off to college. Since seeing your dad write a six-page exploration of his leather fetish is basically the most embarrassing thing ever, let’s rank the various parts of his essay from least to most mortifying. Continue reading

History Class With Professor Botswana: Who Really Discovered America?

Welcome to History Class with Professor Botswana Meat Commission FC. Art Talk alone couldn’t satisfy my forbidden lust for knowledge, so I’m gonna be all up in the rest of the humanities now. And yes, Professor Botswana has tenure so get ready to have your dick tickled by my numerous learned historical theories and shit.

For this week’s History Class with Professor Botswana, we’re going to solve one of the New World’s most enduring mysteries — who really discovered America first?  Continue reading

This Is Why You’re Poor: You Come From a Long Line of Riff-Raff

juggalos_leave your mark

Do you ever sit on your sweat-soaked futon, wearing only your mustard-stained tighty whities, scratching your dandruff and wondering “Why my poor?” If you’re like most poor people, you probably have built up a long list of reasons for finding yourself now subsisting on Hardee’s and driving an uninsured 91 Chevy. Perhaps you blame your deadbeat father, or the unsupportive seventh grade teacher who saw your piss-poor math equations and promptly recommended you learn how to dig nice, straight ditches.

Well, Cletus, researchers have recently been studying the question of inter-generational economic mobility and found that the blame actually lies with your ancestors. As it turns out, if your great-great-great-great-grandfather had maybe gotten his shit together for five goddamn minutes instead of sexing sheep and drinking pig liquor all day, you might actually not have to steal your neighbor’s wi-fi in 2013. Continue reading

These Are the Scariest Things in the World, According to the World’s Smartest Dickwads

Come here, children

I bet you pretty much stumble through life practically shitting your Pampers about all the things that worry you. Oooh, what if i catch the flu? What if I get molested by a gang of circus clowns? What if Obama takes over the government, repeals the Second Amendment and then won’t let my psycho teenage son murder everyone with my hunting rifle?

Well your fears are dumb, you basic bitch! Why? Because every year the website brings together the 150 Smartest People in the World to answer a single question. This year’s question was: What SHOULD We Be Worried About? (Click here to view the actual responses.)

Continue reading

The Seven Rules for Having Fun at Karaoke

how to sing karaoke

I have a serious karaoke habit. Despite not being even a slightly talented singer, I routinely have fun at karaoke night. But whenever I bring friends to my favorite spot (Midtown Tavern in Atlanta, for my ATL peeps), there are always a few people who are terrified by the idea of singing up on stage in front of strangers. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Here are my seven rules for having fun at karaoke.  Continue reading