HereSheIsBoys

11 posts
Brenda Tobias muses about theatricality, on and off the stage. She goes on and on at www.HereSheIsBoys.com

Your Child Is a Human Shaped Security Blanket

If you’ve been out in public during the past ten years you may have noticed that there are few “adult” domains dotting our landscape. I don’t refer to the “Live” “Nude” Times Square of decades past. I refer instead to any and everywhere. The stroller set has infiltrated your local coffee shop and bar (hey after a long day playing in a sanitized million dollar soft-edged heat-proof playground, you’d need a stiff drink too.) Restaurants whose white tablecloths and staggering bills once signaled and adult oasis, now have nuggets of processed foods on the menu (because after all small children do enjoy fine dining they just don’t enjoy actual food.) No doubt much of the free-range high pitched squealing you experience (in restaurants, bars or Holocaust memorial museums) is mostly due to a parent not wanting to deny themselves anything of their pre-parenting life. It would seem that some people skipped the “What to EXPECT when you’re expecting” chapter. Life should continue unaltered save for many more accessories. Continue reading →

Why Men Doing “Women’s Work” Is a Good Thing

Recent labor reports indicate that men are doing “women’s work.” More men are cropping up in ‘pink collar’ jobs. At first glance one could presume that traditionally ‘pink’ jobs (i.e., health care, home care, etc.) are a growing field and that is where the jobs are. But a little more digging indicates that there is something larger afoot.

There was a time that the crassness of the business world or the filth of the industrial world was just too horrible for women to endure. If she were to work, it should be in jobs that weren’t too taxing to her delicate sensibilities (you know, like caring for people in the throws of debilitating disease.) She should not have to dirty her hands in factories or investment banking, but instead stay unsullied wiping both ends of children. Continue reading →

What Comes After We Choose To Go To The Moon?

During the 1960s there were lots of little kids jumping into newly fallen snow and shouting “First Man On The Moon!” when their boots left a print. Little boys (and some liberated little girls) dreamed of and played at being astronauts. Even if children weren’t old (or sophisticated) enough to follow NASA’s doings, there was I Dream of Jeannie. Popular culture was drenched in all things space-age and planetary. The space program was in the air if you will. Being an astronaut was to a 1960s kid what being a cowboy was to a 1950s kid. Adventure, exploration, and glamour were all packaged into a very cool outfit. Astronauts, like cowboys, even had special food. They had belts that held their lifesaving apparatus. But they also had science. For a kid who loved rocks, or space, or climate, or chemistry, he/she too could dream of being a superhero.

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You’re Probably Trying Too Hard on the Things that Don’t Matter

A therapist friend recently asked me for advice. (No this isn’t the opening remark at the American Psychiatric Association convention.) She was feeling remiss about starting, and not keeping up with, a blog. What with her practice and her actual life, her energies didn’t seem to be directed into blogging. I actively listened (until she took a long breath, I’m only human after all) and asked her “why do you want a blog?” “I guess I don’t, I just thought I should” she replied. I assured her that no one is watching. Continue reading →

Seeing Something, Saying Something

There are incidents so overwhelming and horrific that it is nearly impossible to step outside of them and develop any understanding of what occurred. But it is imperative we do just that. When natural disaster strikes we scramble to rescue and recover and then must assess our preparedness and responsiveness. It’s how we gain control over our environment and perhaps mitigate the impact of future disasters. It is tempting, after the trauma of rescue and recovery to turn away and step into the sun, step into the light. But we are more than our emotions we are also our intellect. Continue reading →

Pretty Woman (Walking Down The Street)*

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When I saw a woman walking on the street in just a bathing suit I did not say anything. I told myself there could be any number of reasons for such a thing. “Out patient” came to mind, as did “house fire” or “lost luggage.” My therapeutic self wondered if she’d yet to find closure for an unfortunate childhood experience. I decided that a woman walking down the street (of a major metropolis) in only a bathing suit was if not entirely a one-off well then certainly an anomaly. And then I saw another one. However this one was not alone. She was walking with a male companion and talking on the phone (indications of someone sane enough to be socializing.) She was walking right up the avenue, if you will, on the Upper East Side. (For those unfamiliar with this territory think: uber-conventional, traditional, society, kind of reputation. There was a time you would find actual blue haired ladies in the area. Today those ladies are tightly pulled and puffed.) There she was, strolling along in her two scraps of fabric, dyed jet black and white hair, and ink intensive tattoo spanning shoulder to shoulder. No doubt coming from a fitting, choosing a hat or on her way to plan a brunch. Continue reading →

That Which We Call A Rose

No one is immune to the volcanic force of language. An altered preposition, an inflection or a simple nuance can change the course of events if not our mood for the day. This awesome power is acknowledged before we even arrive on the planet. Our names will be labored over (sometimes literally.) First names, middle names, even last named will be constructed to pay respect or foretell character traits or ensure we’ll never have a seat on the supreme court. The words we are first taught, those we are allowed to hear and those we are punished for saying are all overseen with a scrutiny befitting a bank manager. Our legal system and our government are keen on the minutia of language and are poised to change and limit it all the time. (Lest we think only of the dangers of limiting free speech, let us remember that screaming “fire” in a movie theater is simply not prudent.) As a society we are continuously reexamining what words and terms are inflammatory or used to incite. Continue reading →

Summerfall Winterspring

There is nothing quite so refreshing as a change of season. The changing temperature marks the passage of time, but not in a dismal birthday candle way. Adults don’t experience newness on a regular basis. We don’t have a new teacher every year, or learn a new subject every quarter. Unless we work in a very volatile field there is some sense of familiarity in what we do, day in and day out.

We don’t exactly become gerbils on wheels (unless we choose to of course.) Our lives are rich and we pursue new ideas, adventures and activities. But our very existence is not dictated by growth and change. We are not given new responsibilities and allowed to do new and exiting things with each passing year (ex. crossing the street alone, going to the mall with friends, etc.) We (hopefully) don’t grow out of our wardrobe every year and get the chance to reinvent our look. Never again will we (organically) change from being a boy/girl to a man/woman. We are what we are. Continue reading →