Daily Archives: July 25, 2011

10 posts

Breaking: UN Declares Ban On News Until 2012

No more. No mas. We are full. Stay out news.The UN announced today that due to the massive news surplus in the first seven months of 2011, no more events will be permitted, anywhere in the world, for the rest of the year.

A spokesperson from the UN said today that the General Assembly have voted to ban all newsworthy happenings for the rest of the year; “After the horror of the Japanese tsunami, the roller-coaster ride of the Arab Spring and the global recession and debt crises, we were already emotionally shattered. Now after the shocking events in Norway and the spectre of famine hanging over the Horn of Africa we give up. 2011 is full; there will be no further events until 2012”.

This move was welcomed by journalists all over the globe; Continue reading

The NFL Lockout is (Probably) DONE!

Our (not so) long national nightmare is over. The world will continue to spin on fall Sundays – bars and stadiums will still be full, yards will still be left undone, and non-football fans will still need to find something to do with other non-football fans. Owners and the union formerly known as the NFL Players Association have tentatively reached an agreement on a new collective bargaining agreement, ending the four and a half month lockout.
Continue reading

The Care and Keeping of Babysitters

I am thousands upon thousands of dollars in debt, thanks to five years of a private university education dedicated to a degree in elementary education. I graduated last May and, with the nature of hiring in elementary schools being what it is around here, I was not lucky enough to land a job right away. We’re still holding our breath for this upcoming year, but in the meantime I’ve been babysitting like crazy — it allows me to pay what’s required on my loans for now, puts gas in my car and I even have a little spending money sometimes. Continue reading

Monday Morning Headlines

The way radio used to be

The nation wouldn’t save much if pay for Senators and Representatives were cut in half, pensions ended, and health care eliminated, so that lawmakers had to buy their own health insurance. But it would be a nice symbolic gesture, no?   What do I know.  I write headlines. Continue reading