Humor

240 posts

OkStupid: Catch of the Week

Sadly, I have not received any messages as prolific and terrifying as the one featured in this post, but I have received two that show great promise in the field of competitive psychosis and all-around scuzziness.

Your mission, dear readers, is to help me determine who should win the prize for dirt ball of the week– and, if I’m feeling particularly masochistic, I will message the winner and report back with my findings.

First up, we have harmlessbadboy; his message was brief, and left me wanting more. Continue reading →

Jerk Alert: Your Boss!

Well, my goodness, what’s wrong with you? Why is your head down on your desk? Okay, okay, let’s uncurl your fingers from that stapler. No, no, we’re not sure you’re ready to hold your, “Best Employee in the World” mug right now…not until you tell us what happened. Oh, wait…what does that email say? Something about TPS reports need to be shipped to CHINA! by 5pm today? Well, um, okay…you better take a few deep breaths.

Start somewhere at the beginning. Continue reading →

Jerk Alert: No, Your Toe Shoes Don’t Make You Important

Jerks. They exist. We see them everyday. They sit in the cubicle next to you. Perhaps they rub their butt on your hand while on the subway, or they ride on the stair directly behind you on an escalator and breathe garlic-onion dip on the back of your neck. COURTESY STAIR! COURTESY STAIR! You always provide one courtesy stair after the person in front of you. Sheesh. These guys, and many others like them litter our world with their collective jerkiness totally oblivious to their er, problem, while nonchalant in their affect, and mostly unrepentant.

Today we’ll start calling out jerks. Because, really, they need to know. Continue reading →

Anderson Cooper Conquered By Poo

The silver fox couldn’t keep a straight face last night during his Ridiculist segment as he launched into a series of puns describing actor Gerard Depardieu’s impatient urination on the floor of an airplane. After about ten such mentions of pee, poo, and all other manner of incontinence issues, the normally stoic Coop…Just Completely Loses It! And it’s probably the funniest and most heartwarming thing you’ll see all day.

Take a look. Continue reading →

The Dumbest Thing I’ve Ever Done

This is a true story. Once upon a time, I bought my first condominium. On moving day, when I drove the rented U-Haul with a raised top into the condo parking lot, I knocked a balcony off the side of the building. THANK GOD no one was hurt. I soon learned that I filled out the forms correctly and unintentionally purchased accident insurance. So, the total cost of the accident for me was under $100. However, everyone in my new building knew who I was. Continue reading →

Laughing at Funerals

If you’ve been to many funerals you know that emotions are raw and grief can easily tip over into hysteria. That hysteria usually takes the form of tears but it can also take the form of laughter. Fortunately or unfortunately, I’ve never walked away from a funeral without a funny story. This probably says a lot more about me than it does about any of the funerals I’ve been to. For me, something has always happened that let me get some of the energy out through laughter. I don’t think this makes me a bad person and I really don’t care if someone else thinks it does. If they do, I’m going to bet their funeral to age ratio isn’t as high as mine, but whatever. Continue reading →