If you’ve been to many funerals you know that emotions are raw and grief can easily tip over into hysteria. That hysteria usually takes the form of tears but it can also take the form of laughter. Fortunately or unfortunately, I’ve never walked away from a funeral without a funny story. This probably says a lot more about me than it does about any of the funerals I’ve been to. For me, something has always happened that let me get some of the energy out through laughter. I don’t think this makes me a bad person and I really don’t care if someone else thinks it does. If they do, I’m going to bet their funeral to age ratio isn’t as high as mine, but whatever.
At my Mom’s funeral, the priest, who knew my Mom very well (she taught at the Catholic high school) confused her name with a woman named Margaret Gherke. No big deal, he’s an older man. However, instead of correcting himself and moving he on, he says “Oh, I confused her with Margaret Gherke, another parishioner, who is having foot surgery this week.”
The priest doesn’t stop there, though. He continues to carry on about this unrelated Margaret woman for about 10 minutes and then brings her up about 3 more times during the funeral. A couple of people in the family were horrified but honestly, my sister and I were in hysterics. We’re still laughing about it. It’s turned into a family joke. We’ve started remembering Margaret at Thanksgiving and Christmas. My niece has been sending the real life Margaret cards. I know that some of our other family members think we are sick but it’s not the first time someone in my family has thought I’m unbalanced.
I believe that laughter at funerals and deathbed scenes is a way of relieving tension. It’s really the same thing as sobbing. I’ve done plenty of that as well. However, for some reason, every death scene has had a “release through laughter” moment for me. Here are some examples:
- After my father’s funeral, one of my sisters told a story about her son’s rabbit. When she was out of town, the rabbit broke its neck. Although there was no hope for rabbit, her husband and son could not bring themselves to put the rabbit to sleep. When she returned home, the rabbit was on life support. She had to pull the plug. For some reason, all I could picture was the rabbit on a ventilator while the monitor flatlined. I laughed until I wept. Even though this was 19 years ago, I still think this is the hardest I have ever laughed.
- My grandfather owned his own business and was used to being in charge. When he was dying, he decided he wanted to die on Tuesday. He wanted my mom to call and schedule the funeral for Thursday. Unfortunately, she couldn’t do that while he was alive. Funeral homes are very picky about this sort of thing. My grandfather was very irritated by mom’s refusal to follow his orders. At one point, she tried to pacify him by saying she’d called the funeral home. He didn’t buy it. He started yelling “Liar!” at her. He died furious at her for being such a slacker. You can imagine how much we talked about this at the wake.
- My grandfather’s funeral was on my brother’s birthday. Not to be outdone, my grandmother decided to die on my brother’s birthday and was buried on my cousin’s birthday. She was very competitive like that.
- After sitting at three deathbeds in a row, I told my sister that I was very tired of deathbed scenes. I said I hoped I’d never do another one. She then told me that she planned to die as slowly as possible. She’d ask for me to come sit beside and hold her hand. Just me, no one else. I know that she will do this and I will start laughing and her children will never forgive me.
I know I’m not the only one with stories like this. There was a conversation in a comments thread at the old stomping ground about this and there were some great stories. One involved a priest hitting on someone’s grandmother. I want to hear more. Anyone?
