Sadly, I have not received any messages as prolific and terrifying as the one featured in this post, but I have received two that show great promise in the field of competitive psychosis and all-around scuzziness.
Your mission, dear readers, is to help me determine who should win the prize for dirt ball of the week– and, if I’m feeling particularly masochistic, I will message the winner and report back with my findings.
First up, we have harmlessbadboy; his message was brief, and left me wanting more.
He writes,
Wanted to say good morning, hope you had a great weekend. Mine included running for an hour in the mud, thanks to the great rain we got Friday night. Do anything exciting?
Imagine my delight when I went to his profile and saw he is a 43-year old, married man with two children! My joy only increased when I discovered his profile pictures are all from the chin, down (“I have some gossipy coworkers on here”, he states, “and rather than subject myself to endless crap in the office….chose to post this pic for now..”)– and while his chin appears to belong to someone at least sixty years of age, his obligatory shirtless (actually, one of them appears to be a strategically cropped nude) pics tell me he has the toned, leathery body of Jack Lalanne in his 40s. Here is harmlessbadboy, in all his polo shirted-glory.
For the most part, harmlessbadboy maintains a rather blasé profile. I was taken, however, by his “I’m really good at” section. He writes,
oh i am good at so many yummy things..I’ll draw you a stick figure diagram..ok, for those of you unable to follow said diagram, let me walk you down the path …I’m a smart ass….flow charts not included.
On a serious note, I’m rather domestic, being at home in the kitchen, keeping a very clean house, love to cook and entertain and also always seem to have some sort of project going on in my back yard. Oh, and I’m one hell of a numbers cruncher.
Regarding his status as ‘married’, hbb offers only this tantalizingly vague brief,
Ok, this is a catch-all disclaimer. There is a long complicated story behind this, however I do not wish to be like the normal guy on here. I am not going to lie, or manipulate you, or whatever, I’m going to be honest. I’m married. Re-read this paragraph because there is a mess of a back story. No drama. I’d be happy to share and answer all your questions. So, let’s see if I got the right advice, because I was basically told that being forthright and honest would be looked upon favorably.
Not wanting to be the Lindsay Fünke to his Uncle Jack, I moved on to my next message– this one from a delightful young man calling himself ‘jmichaels’. It’s not every day someone writes to me offering to be my sugar daddy, and jmichaels’ forthright approach really impressed me. He writes,
Saw your pictures, pretty cute. I’m looking for a girl like you that might need some assistance to pay some bills or get a little extra money to go shopping…if you’re interested in a sugardaddy let me know !
