Oh, holy mercy. Just what is a summer blockbuster? Is it something where random people, who should really be working at a water park in Cleveland, have found their way into a movie about make believe ninjas and pseudo-military soldier replicants, marching their way across a movie screen, and mouth-crapping their way through lines that may be scrawled across the palm of their hands in two word syllables? Yes, this is exactly what a summer blockbuster is if you ask G.I. Joe: Retaliation. Continue reading
Lauren
650 posts
Hair wizard, and King Midas of the GOP, Donald Trump, has decided that since no one other than, emu oil, Rick Santorum, and Yertle, the Turtle impersonator, Newt Gingrich, wanted to come and play “Embarrass All Republicans Everywhere Forever” — that you know, he should step down from moderating that thing that would have surely won Obama re-election, and probably given him the best Christmas War Holiday present of any he could imagine. Continue reading
Have you ever wondered how something you’re watching actually became a movie? You know, how you look at Adam Sandler up on the screen doing some sort of crazy man, goof shuffle, while wearing a dress, sitting on a donkey, and getting punched in the face by a ten year-old? Yes, well, someone, at some studio, decided this was a good idea, and then they told people, and more people, and look what just happened! Sandler was called, a director was hired, and voila…crap on a stick! Well, the annual Black List is an integral part for some of these movies. It’s the list of the most popular “unproduced” screenplays that could make it to theaters. Continue reading
Yeah, so, we’re back with Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones as they attempt to maintain, or control, or slapstick carouse with the world’s population of aliens and, I guess, animated graffiti drawings? Makes total sense. Continue reading
There’s no good way to feel about any of this, so let’s get into it. Continue reading
An old man wants to get his groove back by sexting his old girlfriend, Top Gun. Psychopaths can be bought for cheap, right? Single at 65, sure. Kardashian’s create another monster, and ABC breaks up with some dudes.
Gird your loins, the ones without Viagra, Hollywood has news for you… Continue reading
Newt Gingrich, the newest in GOP political disasters darlings, could finally walk away with the Republican Nomination.
Are you ready America?! Continue reading
Hello, hi. So, yawr, are you bored by football, basketball, hockey, and whatever else sweaty people do while snapping towels at each other and comparing bicep size? Is this what happens in locker rooms? Okay. So how about we examine a few sports that are just on the cusp of greatness. Like seriously in the year 2050 everyone will be like, “What? Soccer? Huh. Let’s go play Crap Canoe!” Yeah, you probably don’t want to know what Crap Canoe is. Anyway, get ready to be simply amazed at what we humans have created to pass the time. Possibly they should have just downloaded a book on a Kindle, but whatever. We’re not here to judge.
Yes, we are. Continue reading
We thought this would never happen again, but we were wrong. Somehow Shyamalan was able to free himself from his underwater jail, and he will again make a movie. Drat! We really thought we’d stopped him this time. We lined his cell with critically acclaimed movie reels and hoped it would work like Kryptonite. No such luck. Oh, well, it will be awful!
Take a look at what’s coming soon. Continue reading
Everybody’s favorite Google Search emollient, Rick Santorum, has a lot to say about sex — gay sex. I can’t determine if his comments last night are the most ironic thing ever, or just the most recent sad, and pathetic bit of mouth garble to dump its way out of the mottled maw of one Rick Santorum. Probably and forever the latter. Continue reading