Daily Archives: May 26, 2011
10 posts
Did you know that Newt Gingrich was voted Most Intellectual in high school? This just goes to show how profoundly stupid teenagers are.
It’s been exactly 47 minutes since the last Kevin James movie, and as a nation we are just starved… STARVED I SAY for more of his fat man in a tight shirt antics. It keeps us up at night, truly. We literally do not know what we’ll do if another minute passes without watching him pratfall, lurch, scream, or stuff various food items into his face. Apparently Sony Pictures feels exactly the same way.
I’ve been wanting to write about the amazingness that is Craigslist for the longest time. You see, I love Craigslist. I love it so bad that, in the eloquent words of one Craigslist poster, I want the site to bring the popcorn and leave its panties.
So I decided to do like all great journalists and steal someone else’s idea find inspiration from those who came before me. In this case, I was inspired by Amy Blair’s excellent (and sadly defunct) Week in Craig column at The Black Table and (later) Animal New York.
So that’s enough chit-chat. Bring on the fuckery! Continue reading
Please look inside for an important message. Continue reading
No one is made of stone, and therefore no one should be expected to resist the animal charms of Alex Pettyfer. No, they should not.
That being said, one can ravish one’s eyes on Mister Petit-Four’s person in a science-fiction-slash-fantasy thriller currently in theaters, known as I Am Number Four. Read no further if you have not seen this cinematic masterpiece. Spoilers after the jump. Continue reading
Don’t get me wrong, I love Girl Scout Cookies – especially Thin Mints and Samoas. Yum. In fact, I was the Cookie Mom for both of my girls’ Scout troops at one time or another.
I no longer buy cookies from my girls because I don’t care for the way Girl Scouts runs this program on a variety of levels. In our neighborhood the cookies are $4 a box. Of that $4, approximately $0.75 goes to the troop, the rest goes to the Girl Scout Organization (GSO), minus the cookie cost, which is pretty minimal. The GSO pimps out these kids for relatively little financial benefit to the troop. Continue reading
This episode was torture, pure torture. The very idea of rewatching this episode so that I can write this recap made my heart cry. In a fit of procrastination, I tried to think of things I would rather do than watch this episode again and I came up with the following: 1. I’d rather watch a sex tape starring my grandparents; 2. I’d rather eat horse testicle soup; 3. I’d rather drink the water in Mexico; 4. I’d rather get lost in Chicago’s South Side in the daytime wearing heels, without my CTA card and cell phone; and 5. I’d rather get crabs. Continue reading
Good morning, my beautiful little birds! I hope your day is as righteous and bad ass as this bird’s is.
We never said the phone company was logical.
Hello again, darlings. Today’s call brings bad news: I think I’ve become a Gnostic by way of Thomas Ligotti. You don’t know Thomas Ligotti? Oh, you’ve been missing nightmares galore all this time, poor you. The Gnostics, in Seriously Dumbed Down Theology News, believed the world was being dreamed into being by super-duper angels called Archons. Thomas Ligotti’s twist on this is to state unequivocally that they are having nightmares.
Did I ever explain that I have a tendency to go emo during times of stress? So, yeah. That.
Here are your Malevolent Or Insanely Dreaming God Celebrity Gossip Links for today. So, yeah, try to come to peace with the continued existence of Paris Hilton and the fact Miley Cyrus made tens of millions of dollars last year. Happy Dreams!