5 posts

Satan Loose in Texas, According to Pants-Crappingly Frightened Republicans on Twitter

According to frightened poopy-diapered babies Texas Republicans, protestors demonstrating against recent outbreaks of batshittery in the Texas Legislature began chanting “Hail Satan” this week, prompting a rash of right wing fantods, fainting spells, and Twitter meltdowns. Reports from the scene are somewhat confused, because apparently Twitter is what we have now instead of journalism. Continue reading

Mitt Romney “Comes On Down” and Joins Political Fray

I swear he looks like the Bob Barker of the GOP. Right? Shouldn’t he be standing on a sound stage saying something like, “Well, Mary Ann, you’re right! That fabric softener is $2.99! You’ve won a brand new car!” I think so. I totally do not see him as a serious presidential contender.

And for Romney, this is part of the problem

Romney has formally announced his candidacy for president moments ago, wherein he stated that “Barack Obama Has Failed America.” Yawr, okay. This is what they all say. Couldn’t you have come up with something more interesting like, “Barack Obama Has Sold America to China for a fleet of Electric Cars and Donald Trump’s Delusions of Grandeur.” Romney joins former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, former Minn. Gov. Tim Pawlenty, businessman Herman Cain, former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson and Texas Rep. Ron Paul as this year’s current stable of GOP dancing monkeys. Continue reading