You know who only did one bachelor party movie? Tom Hanks. He has two Oscars. I’m almost positive if you were to ask Tom how many bachelor party movies you should ever make in your career, he’d probably give you that “Tom Hanks” face and say, “Well, probably just the one.” Heh. Tom. He’s so right, always.
Wanna know who never considered just the one? Yeah, the boys who made The Hangover.
The Hangover Part II
Well, apparently, Thailand is no Vegas. The critics want their money back.
In The Hangover Part II, Phil (Bradley Cooper), Stu (Ed Helms), Alan (Zach Galifianakis) and Doug (Justin Bartha) travel to exotic Thailand for Stu’s wedding. After the unforgettable bachelor party in Las Vegas, Stu is taking no chances and has opted for a safe, subdued pre-wedding brunch. However, things don’t always go as planned. What happens in Vegas may stay in Vegas, but what happens in Bangkok can’t even be imagined.
What You Can Expect: The exact same thing as the first movie but now with 100% more monkey! (because tigers are expensive.) You know when you watched the trailer you giggled in spite of yourself and were excited for the sequel…but some part of you said, “Wow, that looks just like the first movie.” Well, you should have listened to the part that wasn’t lulled by Galifianakis’ hypnotizing facial hair. The trailer was a warning. It really tells you everything you need to know. There is literally nothing different about this movie except the location. How do they make the exact same movie twice, you ask? Well, that’s easy. They just assume we’re all stupid. Stupid, stupid people who won’t recognize the same movie, with the exact same characters, having the exact same experience. It’s like going to a Sarah Palin rally. Do we ever need to go to a Sarah Palin rally? I’m sure the Sarah Palin movie trailer (airing on Fox News since 2008) will tell us all that we need to know. Can we assume that at some point she ceases being full of festering brain-crazy? No, no we don’t assume so. And this obviously is what The Hangover Part II is. It’s about Sarah Palin’s new bus tour.
What Could Annoy: Well, I don’t know. Perhaps the fact that Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, and Ken Jeong have miraculously teleported to Thailand on a beam of cash and unoriginality to say things like, “What is happening?!” “This is happening …again!” “Shut up, you made this happen!” and we the viewing public will turn to one another in the movie theater and say, “Hey, this happened!”, “That’s happening….again?!”, “Wow, that happened.” The end.
The Tree of Life
Possibly our first Oscar contender of the year. It just won the Palme d’Or prize at Cannes and critics are literally falling over themselves to say how wonderful it is.
The Tree of Life is the impressionistic story of a Midwestern family in the 1950’s. The film follows the life journey of the eldest son, Jack, through the innocence of childhood to his disillusioned adult years as he tries to reconcile a complicated relationship with his father (Brad Pitt). Jack (played as an adult by Sean Penn) finds himself a lost soul in the modern world, seeking answers to the origins and meaning of life while questioning the existence of faith.
What You Can Expect: The subtle unfolding of the family dynamic set in 1950’s Texas, mixed with the exposition of how the universe was formed. Brad Pitt gives possibly the best performance of his career as a harsh disciplinarian to his children and a staid example of living life by a predetermined idea — wanting to combat that — and ultimately living life with regrets. Sean Penn plays his adult son who wrestles with the meaning of his life and what he can take from his upbringing and the father he didn’t always understand. It is a poignant, artistic work, full of images, symbolism, and quiet power. The movie is said to be tactile and emotional with keen attention given to even the most minute details…a hand on a child’s shoulder, a game of tag, two boys playing in the sun…all is supposed to trigger a tether and attachment to the moment and those things that comprise life itself. It is beautifully done and beautifully acted.
What Could Annoy: The Cannes crowd, which is known to be a bit raucous, took issue with some of the planetarium style earth formation and gave their opinion vocally by booing…but it sounds as though that’s all some heightened drama and discountable mishegoss (essentially haterade). While the Big Bang Theory showcase may not work on every level, it is still quite the spectacle to behold and doesn’t take away from the overall impact of the movie.
Kung Fu Panda 2
Jack Black is apparently made for animation. This is what we always thought.
Po is now living his dream as The Dragon Warrior, protecting the Valley of Peace alongside his friends and fellow kung fu masters, The Furious Five. But Po’s new life of awesomeness is threatened by the emergence of a formidable villain, who plans to use a secret, unstoppable weapon to conquer China and destroy kung fu.
What You Can Expect: Jack Black filling Chris Farley’s shoes once again but with an all star cast to back him up that includes Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman, and Gary Oldman. Oh, what joy it must be to be an actor. Not only can you get paid to live countless lives and portray people you never dreamed of…you can also do so with barely needing to get dressed in the morning. If only we could all just speak our golden voices into a microphone and get paid thousands upon thousands of dollars. I’m thinking this is the true American Dream…to say words and people throw money at you as if you were a fountain in the middle of a New Jersey mall. What words would you say? Perhaps you would read the dictionary, or maybe the ingredients on the side of a bag of Gummi Bears…just what is Carnauba Wax anyway? Mostly though I think I’d just channel my inner Angelina Jolie and say things in a cryptic yet beguiling way and watch as the tabloids somehow make my comments about “Getting Bin Ladin in Pakistan” sound something like “Ha, I took Brad’s lovin from Jennifer Aniston.” Seems about right.
What Could Annoy: Perhaps that it was made at all? I dunno. There’s a swath of animated movies out there. For instance if there’s going to be a part 2 of something I would have preferred The Incredibles, but that’s just me. Why this exactly needed a sequel is not surprising, but not really a requirement either. Owen Gleiberman from Entertainment Weekly says, “At times, Kung Fu Panda 2 suggests Bambi redone as an episode of Oprah.” I’m going to take that as sorta a bad thing, because the nonstop Oprah EVERYONE MUST SAY GOODBYE TO ME…EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD MUST BOW DEEPLY AT THE WAIST AND THANK THE HEAVENS THAT I WAS HERE AS I NOW BID YOU ADIEU FOR 72 HRS STRAIGHT AND BEAT YOU SENSELESS WITH MY NARCISSISM…kinda points in that direction. No?
Indie Pick:
Hello Lonesome
We like regular people, right? Well the critics agree.
Hello Lonesome is a story about people…actually, three stories about people. Regular people. They’re charming and flawed, and they’re all trying their best, just like the rest of us. There’s a voiceover artist who lives and works in his underwear from his self-made mountain utopia and his opera loving postal deliveryman. There’s a sassy suburban widow in her seventies and her vaguely peculiar but quite witty next-door neighbor. There’s an adorable young couple that meets online and jumps right into a hot and heavy relationship – despite some potential red flags. These three pairs have suddenly found each other, and while the couplings are anything but perfect, there is a magic in the way they come to depend on one another.
The Short and Sweet: Does the near impossible and creates human people out of human actors. There is quirk and randomness (all things we like in our indies) an undeniable heart and realism that seems like a breath of fresh air these days in Hollywood. Basically instead of aliens, zombies, or crazed hobos…humanity wins out.
Indie Tank:
Tied to a Chair
If the New York Post thinks, “Tied to a Chair” is a chaotic mess,” then well you’d better believe them.
The movie begins on the last day of Naomi Holbroke’s marriage. After 9,125 consecutive burned dinners, each one of which results in a quarrel with her husband, she admits her failure as housewife to a high-ranking British government official and sets off to reclaim the acting career she gave up “for him” twenty-five years ago. In France at a small film festival, she meets Billy Rust, a man her age who directed a legendary cult film twenty-five years ago and has done nothing since. He’s in Europe looking for actors for his next film and Naomi falls in love with…his script, particularly with the sequence in which the girl gets tied to a chair. [Lol wut?]
The Short and Sweet: What just what? This movie sounds nuts. There’s really no two ways about it. Someone just slammed down some crazy junk in a script and blackmailed some film studio into making it. This has to be the reason. Also, it has Mario Van Peebles in it, which makes me kinda want to see it just to say, “Hey, Mario, you’re in some crazy junk! Try television. They like ‘once upon a time’ movie actors! Did you hear about Ashton Kutcher?”
More Indies Out This Weekend:
- We Are The Night: Lady vampires go clubbing in Berlin. I imagine glo sticks are involved.
- United Red Army: Political unrest of 1960s Japan, when mass student uprisings coincided with the beginnings of the far-left United Red Army group. Gripping and Compelling.
- Tuesday, After Christmas: A ten-year marriage suffers the effects of an illicit affair played by an actual married couple. Can you say “Uncomfortable Movie Moments?”
- “The Abduction Of Zack Butterfield: A beautiful but disturbed young woman returns from combat as an American mercenary in Iraq and abducts a 14-year-old New York boy, holding him prisoner in her isolated country home as a bizarre romantic relationship develops.” Whoa! Somebody should probably have their internet history checked.
- Puzzle: A housewife discovers puzzles…that threaten her life! This is what happens when book titles at the Walgreens take on a life of their own. Judith Krantz has done it again.
