Astronomers are ridiculous and scientists are crazy, so what’s next from the people who brought us the THEORY of gravity and a poorly made film set in New Mexico in 1969?
A couple of these guys are coming out of their crazy closet and saying that the Earth may have once had two moons. Continue reading
Newt Gingrich may have a 92% fake following rate on Twitter or he may not, it doesn’t really matter. What I mean to say is that this isn’t something anyone should be worrying about, not even Newt Gingrich himself, the followee in question. But Newt did care. The sad, old man cared enough about his number of Twitter followers that he probably paid some company to juice his stats. He thought that that’s what mattered. Just like the rest of us, Newt was too concerned with checking his Twitter account instead of focusing on the important stuff. We also, of course, completely validated Newt’s initial concern over his number of followers by caring enough to unearth the fraud. So this proves that it’s the norm now to be addicted to the internet to the detriment of your own well being. That is the norm. Okay, here are your headlines. Continue reading
The State of Employment: Too bad suckers! If you don’t have a job already, you’re never going to get one because employers only want the employable and the employable are already employed (but, like, they’ll settle for someone who got laid off on, like, Thursday at the earliest).
“I feel like I am being shunned by our entire society,” said Kelly Wiedemer, 45, an information technology operations analyst who said a recruiter had told her that despite her skill set she would be a “hard sell” because she had been out of work for more than six months.
The UN announced today that due to the massive news surplus in the first seven months of 2011, no more events will be permitted, anywhere in the world, for the rest of the year.
A spokesperson from the UN said today that the General Assembly have voted to ban all newsworthy happenings for the rest of the year; “After the horror of the Japanese tsunami, the roller-coaster ride of the Arab Spring and the global recession and debt crises, we were already emotionally shattered. Now after the shocking events in Norway and the spectre of famine hanging over the Horn of Africa we give up. 2011 is full; there will be no further events until 2012”.
This move was welcomed by journalists all over the globe; Continue reading
The above video sequence is dedicated to the people of Boston, our fashion choices, and boobookitty
Hello. It is extremely hot today. It is going to be approximately 3,000 degrees today in New York City. I am closing all my shades, cranking up the A/C, and building myself an igloo in a kiddie pool. I will sit here naked, watching a marathon of Arrested Development and writing headlines for you. Continue reading
Hello! It’s going feel like it’s over 100 degrees in NYC today. This is the day I have to wear a fucking suit and pantyhose. AND PANTYHOSE. You men who do not cross dress have no idea. Continue reading
Alright you guys, who’s drunk as hell right now? I am but hopefully you’re not because if you’re reading this it’s the morning time and you’re on your way to work or whatever it is you do on Wednesdays or maybe it’s like quarter to one in the afternoon and you’re just getting up and the only thing you have to do while waiting for the coffee to brew is check out Crasstalk. Either way it’s probably not four in the morning and you’re probably not just getting home from the bar/work. So here’s some things you might not know because you don’t check the news at four in the morning. Continue reading
Are we all naive enough to believe that Palin doesn’t think that she’ll be the Republican white night riding in at the last minute to save the day? I think we’re fairly certain that Sarah Palin believes that all these other jokers littering up the field are just there to be her opening act, and that once all the squabbling begins and the race just looks like a bunch of loons held together by Mittens Romneypants and Michele BachmannGooglyEyes (slavery endorser) the Zeus and Hera of all stupid things, this is when she’ll emerge like a Bumpit-haired buzzard dressed in a Starfleet jacket waiting to pick the bones of the GOP carcass. We do think this will happen despite her latest interview in Newsweek magazine don’t we?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_l6KBoltOnE&feature=player_embedded
Mammals have been around for over 200 million years; they’ve expanded into a diverse array of species, they’ve evolved to live in many different habitats, from burrowing underground to hanging out high up in the tree tops. And as David Attenborough well tell you, there are some pretty crazy mammals out there, some even lay eggs! However, no mammal is perhaps as insane and crazy as the Human. There’s tons of insanity today in the headlines, really you should look, it’s crazy the things we get up to. Continue reading