Gossip

76 posts

Clark Call Gossip Links

Clark Call. You DEFINITELY want to accept the charges!

Hello? Hello? Look, darling, I’ve no time to explain. Can you come down to the police station with a C-note, an apricot-colored standard poodle that does tricks, and a couple of bottles out of Jerry’s Lagavulin stash? It’s kind of an emergency, and even if it weren’t, it would still be a heck of a party.

If you check out the gossip links below, you’ll see all the other degenerates I’ve invited. No, no, calm down: we won’t ruin your carpets. Why do you think I’m having it at the police station? Well, as a matter of fact I was arrested, but don’t change the subject! Oh, don’t be silly, that Rosalind Russell never meant a thing to me; it was all about the work. No, it’s just a misdemeanor, it’s nothing. Did I say “bring cash?”

And lots of ice, too, darling.

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Veronica Lake is Listening Gossip Links

What’s that, darling? You’re not making any sense. Calm down. Stop screaming. BREATHE! Use your words to tell Veronica what’s bothering you.

Oh.

You say the banality of the celebrity-industrial complex in its current iteration has driven you to near-fatal ennui? That you never thought you’d live to see the day when the likes of me were replaced with talentless, tiny orange gnome women with novelty tits and hair?

Me either, babe. Me either.

There now. Easy, boy. Have a saucer of milk and a little time out and when you’re ready you can click over the link to see today’s extra-creamy gossip links with a side of nearly-actual news. There, there. All better now. Continue reading

Space Age Gossip Links

Space Age Smokes
Space Age Smokes

Calling in from remote outposts, darlings. How is Earth going? Canucks still on track for Lord Stanley’s Cup? O’Bamas still spreading universal cheer? Excellent! I even hear Kim Kardashian is trying to heal white supremacy wounds by getting engaged to yet another K and being all “mixed race babehs are teh best” and good for her.
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John Edwards to be Indicted for Breaching Campaign Finance Laws

Shamed former vice presidential nominee and John Kerry running mate John Edwards will likely be indicted within two weeks by federal prosecutors investigating allegations that during his run for the 2008 presidency Edwards solicited campaign donations for the express purpose of trying to pay-off a woman he was having an affair with. Well we all know how that ended.

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Give Him a Hand Gossip Links

Give the man a hand; he looks like he can use it. So can I, actually, and if you want to know why you can read a (brief, point-form, garbled, and incomplete) explanation at raincoaster.com, where I explain why I’m saying good-bye to the balmiest climate in Canada (don’t laugh) and heading up to Yellowknife to become an Ice Road Blogger. And while I was at it, I nabbed Icecoaster.wordpress.com too, just because. Continue reading

Morticia Gossip Links

Good evening/afternoon/whatevs, darlings. I’m a bit pressed for time lately, what with packing for my imminent move to the Frozen Tundra (seriously) and so I’ll have to link-dump and run, but today’s gossip is particularly juicy and you’ll want to chew it over. And over. And no stomach-churning Xtina pix SANS FARDS today, I promise.

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Mother’s Day Gossip of Fabulousness!

Grace Freaking Kelly
Grace Freaking Kelly

Hello, darlings.

You haven’t called. You haven’t written. You’ve run away with the town drunk and a circus trainer, taking my posting privileges with you but it’s fine, really. It’s all right. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t lie awake nights, thinking of how you hurt me. No. Just go on with your lives as if I didn’t matter at all, as if I didn’t even exist.

There, are you happy now?

On that note, here are today’s Mother’s Day themed links. But seriously, if SHE were your mother, would you bring Junot home? Would you DARE??? You break your mother’s heart.

I’d flesh out the links a bit more but the taxi has just pulled up and I’m late for my bridge game. There’s a chicken in the sink defrosting, make sure your sister eats something and doesn’t bring that stoner home again while I’m out. Ta, sweets!

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Crass Gossip: Expecting Celebrities

Guess who’s pregnant? EVERYBODY! No, seriously. All the celebrity ladies have signs “ESTOY OCUPADO” over their middles in Hollywood (shoutout to Michael K). Here’s are some of the pregnant celebrity ladies roaming the streets of Los Angeles (Sorry men, you don’t warrant your own post as the sperm donors).

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