Gossip

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Crass Gossip: Wednesday

Hey, everybody, here’s your Crass Gossip for Wednesday. Enjoy.

  • Charlie Sheen. That is all. Google his name if you really want Charlie Sheen news. You get a picture and that’s it.
  • But, because I’m a hypocrite, Tila Tequila would like to be Charlie’s only “goddess.” Because she was so good for Casey Johnson, right? Anyway, she says she can “show Chucky a good time- but also help him out.” Vomit, vomit, vomit. (The Superficial)
  • Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are fighting viciously over custody of a NYC borough! Wait. They’re neither fighting viciously nor fighting over a borough. “The Bronx” is their son, and Fall Out Boy’s Wentz wants joint legal/physical custody. Simpson, who had a bit part in “The Hot Chick,” wanted primary custody. Sounds riveting. (US)
  • Miley Cyrus is texting some guy from Kings of Leon. I guess she could…wait for it…”Use Somebody”? (Sorry.) (Dlisted)
  • This is the headline of an actual article: “Kim Kardashian Is ‘Princess Jasmine’ At Hotels, Wears Tight Leather Pants.” In other “news”, I check into hotels as Ursula, the villain from “The Little Mermaid” (yes, I demand to be called by that full description) and wear striped pajama pants. Flannel if I’m feeling frisky. (The Huffington Post)
  • Lindsay goes to court tomorrow. She could do jail time! She may not do jail time! She’ll plead guilty! She refuses a plea bargain! She’ll certainly be wearing clothing (Jesus, I hope)! We’ll talk about that more, you know, tomorrow. But if you can’t get enough, knock yourself out: (TMZ)
  • You know who’s not doing jail time because he DID plea bargain? Mel Gibson. (Popeater)
  • Lady Gaga’s apartment used to be filled with “bed bugs and roaches on the floor and mirrors with cocaine everywhere.” Stars: They’re just like us! (The Hollywood Gossip)
  • Michele Salahi, apparently of “The Real Houswives of D.C.,” the one neither you or I watched, got kicked off of “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.” Fame addiction (her alleged affliction) is kind of like my “addiction” to hot bubble baths, I guess. You’ll never guess the answer to this, but is she pissed? SPOILER ALERT: Yes. Her dubious argument is that she has multiple sclerosis. I’m not a medical doctor, but while MS is a disease, it is not actually an addiction. (Dlisted)
  • Maybe it’s a good thing Michele’s dangerous habit of speedballing fame isn’t being treated at Pasadena with Drew. (Joke, joke.) Mike Starr, former Alice in Chains bassist and part of Season Three of “Celebrity Rehab”, passed away yesterday at age 44. Cause of death is unknown, but Starr struggled for the better part of two decades with an opiate addiction. RIP Mike, and please think for a moment today of all those that have struggled with, succumbed to, or beat their addictions. (Radar)

 

So that’s our Hump Day. Very little sex involved. If you’re interested in collaborating with myself or Alluson, let us know in the comments if there’s a day you’d like to take or if you’d just like to throw some tidbits our way when you have them.

Edit by Alluson: Ms.Antropy has volunteered to do Thursday’s gossip, and the lovely ihatediamonds is covering Friday’s. Weekend duty is open!

Crass Gossip: Tuesday’s Titillating Tidbits

A-do a-yuh appreciate alluson’s alliteration?

  • Brooklyn’s Mitch Davie, while at a Braves-Blue Jay spring training game, caught a flying bat one handed while in the stands. More importantly, Mitch appears not to have spilt his Red Stripe beer while doing so. Follow the link for epic crowd flinch face.
  • Charlie Sheen continues to be bat shit crazy (warning: Perez link). No more Charlie Sheen updates. I feel scummy.
  • I disagree!: Sean Parker, founder of Napster and former president of Facebook, portrayed by Justin Timberlake in The Social Network, says “a billion dollars isn’t cool.” Please allow me to be the first to volunteer for being uncool. Via Huff Po and full interview with Financial Times available here.
  • Teen Mom’s Leah Messer seems to be adjusted well being a mom, being on Teen Mom, having twins, having a child with disabilities, and y’know, being a teen. Although her non-stop weeping over her daughter on the show irks me, I give this young mother a lot of credit. Interview available at Radar.
  • Sharon Osbourne and the ladies of The Talk were on Piers Morgan Tonight and Piers kept trying to get them to talk about Charlie Sheen. The ladies refused, but since Piers Morgan is a jackass, he kept pushing the issue until Sharon commented “”I know how it feels to love someone like that, and the sadness, and the damage it does within a family.” That’s no exaggeration, and we know Sharon speaks from firsthand experience. Video available at Popeater
  • David Arquette, despite his car crash the other day, seems to be OK. If you’re a sadist, you can see pictures of David immediately after the crash, laying on the ground. There’s something about this I dislike immensely, but I’m struggling to articulate.  At his AA meeting, David reported received his 60 day sober-chip. Good for him. [Via Page Six]
  • Click here to see Gary Busey’s butt crack. You’re welcome!
    • This is the tame version. Click through link to see some nekkid.
  • Wocka Flocka Flame gets nekkid, with his gold chains covering his manly bits, for PETA’s “Ink, Not Mink” campaign (cause he’s covered in tats, get it?!). Waka says ““Understand where that fox fur came from before you spend $1,000…someone got their head beat in and electrocuted.” When is Lil Wayne posing? I wanna see Lil Wayne booty! I bet he’s got a great tattoo right on his..never mind. [Via Just Jared]
  • At left is Wocka’s (is that how we say it?) tame version. Click here to see him in all his gold chain dangly goodness.

 

 

 

 

 

  • Matt Bomer is so, so, so sexy. Neil Cafferty makes my heart go pitter patter. What does a girl have to do to get a celebrity lover around here? (Also, yes I’m aware he may be gay. Don’t ruin my fantasy.)
  • From across the pond, Prince William and Kate Middleton made a visit to Belfast in Northern Ireland, where Kate tossed a pancake. Seriously. [Via People]
  • Real Housewives of Orange County is back! I don’t watch this regularly, but I do appreciate the original brand of crazy, and will always catch a rerun here and there. The ladies did not disappoint last night, with Gretchen/Tamra awkwardness at some setup party and Gretchen/Alexis spatting in the limo. [Via Blogitinity]
  • Chuck Norris thinks we are geighing the children up too much and teaching them to be sluts-in-training. [via DListed]
  • Alan Simpson, former WI senator and co-hair of the Deficit Reduction Committee (seriously? there’s a committee?), renames Eminem and Snoop to Enema Man and Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dog, respectively. Old people are so silly! Video here for a chuckle.
  • Today’s is International Women’s Day! Who is your female hero? Mine is my mom. Seriously. Other than her, probably FLOTUS. If she ever lowered herself to their level and engaged in an actual debate with Palin and Bachmann, I have a feeling she’d wipe the floor with both of them. Share your female heroes in the comments.

Programming Notes:

Are we okay with Perez links? I know generally people think of him as pretty scummy and I actually stopped visiting after the will.i.am situation, but he’s all about the love and light these days and his posts are noticeably less caustic.

Also: Thank you ALL for the encouraging and kind comments on my first gossip post. Seriously, you really made my day. I was very nervous about how it would be perceived and you guys were sweeter than pie. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

For my fellow gossip-lovers: Right now, the following people have expressed interest in gossip roundups: EthologyNerd, GtCosita, bboston88, and ihatediamonds. If I forgot you, let me know in the comments. If anyone else wants be a gossip-whore too, chime in the comments. Originally, EthologyNerd and I were going to try some sort of collaborative effort, but if we have enough people, then perhaps we can each take a day. Here is my suggestion (pending editors okaying), and you guys let me know: Everyone picks day that works, that person starts the post by 12pm.  If I don’t see something started by then, I’ll start one. If I don’t start one within that time, someone else can pick it up. Submit to pending by 5:30-6pm at the latest. If someone can’t do their day, they say something in the Open Threads and someone else can pick it up. Thoughts? Editors, do we like this?

Weekend and Monday Gossip Catchup

Allie done got herself an author account and she is just so excited to share this week’s gossip with y’all. So excited that she immediately put down her Evidence textbook and began writing this post for you. Since this post is coming late, I’m including the weekend’s gossip, and the top stories from today.

  • Shocker!: WB fires Charlie Sheen from CBS comedy Two and a Half Men. No word on whether production on the show will continue without Mr. Sheen. One and a Half Men doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, especially since that Angus T. Jones is ginormous now and is more of a Man than a Half-Man. Two Men and a Baby? Hasn’t that been done already? Anyway…(via TMZ).
  • Charlie’s Sheen’s response to being fired:

    “This is very good news. They continue to be in breach, like so many whales. It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of their bazillions, never have to look at whatshiscock again and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension.”

    I get the sense we should be ignoring this guy for his own good.(Link via TMZ).

  • Lindsay Lohan is apparently upset that Miley took a few hits at her during her opening monologue on Saturday Night Live this past weekend. Lorne Michaels is like a “father figure” to her, blah blah blah. Sounds like someone needs to learn how to take a joke. (Link via Dlisted).
  • Here’s the clip that’s got LiLo all heated:

  • In other LiLo news, the jewelry shop sold the video footage of her allegedly stealing the necklace for around $25,000 to $35,000 depending on which site you read. AP bought the footage and it was quickly licensed out to ET. You can watch Lindz’s alleged thievery by clicking here. Sites are reporting that the prosecution is pissed as hell that the jewelry store sold the footage, since it makes the jewelry store owners look like money-grubbing famewhores trying to make a quick buck off poor Lilo.
  • Picture of the mini-fashionista Suri Cruise popped up with her with a binkie in her mouth. Suri’s nearly 5 years old, so this is a little weird for some people. I say let the kid enjoy her binkie, not like Tom and Katie can’t afford the orthodontics in 5 years. *Insert obligatory barley water joke here.* Link via E!
  • No big deal: Amanda Seyfried dated Alexander Skarsgård. In other news, Brad Pitt and I just grabbed coffee last week. No big deal. Via Dlisted via Elle
  • Ke-dollar sign-sha made a deal with Lifestyles to put her glittery face on condoms. Is her face on the wrapper or on the condom itself? Can we blow her face up like a balloon? And pop it? I task you all to report back to me! Link via TMZ.
  • Comedian Mike DeStefano passed away of a heart attack. DeStefano recently was among the top five finalists in NBC’s past season of Last Comic Standing. Bummer. Link via Punchline Magazine.
  • Rachel Green starred a commercial for Smartwater that involves all types of internet memes, including my favorite lip-syncing little guy, puppies, BABIES!, double rainbow guy, Brad Wollock getting kicked in the nuts, and Rachel getting seXXXy with some water. Video here!

If anyone else wants to get in on the gossip action, holler at your gurl (that’d be me). This is harder than it looks, I give fellow Crasstalk authors props! I pulled most of gossip from TMZ and Dlisted today, so if anyone has any good sites to recommend, please let me know in the comments. I know we had some interest for rotating gossip columns during the Writer’s Workshop, so let me know about this as well!

Yesterday’s Gossip is Today’s Post

45 comments

Most sites serve up a fresh plate of gossip every morning.  They are staffed by people whose job it is to cut and paste links into some sort of bulleted list, proper spelling and punctuation optional.  I have a real job, so you get the same bulleted list with slightly fewer typos, much later in the day.  And not every day.  I have a life to go with that job.

French Wench off the Bench?

17 comments

Sorry kidderoos.  I know you’ve been begging us to stop talking about her, but it looks like the world’s most literal famewhore is, once again, making it impossible for us to ignore her.

A true “brags to bitches” story – whether she is  getting in fights with her co-stars, sleeping in a coffin, or loosening her corset for every wealthy or influential man around, she does seem to find a way to stay in the news.   Although we have to give her some credit on this last point.  She doesn’t just “socialize” with the independently wealthy, she’s been known to “move the brush” for a hipster painter or two and serve as a muse for those that are particularly handy with a “pen”.  (Things aren’t so Misérables anymore are they?!)

But pretty (and flexible) finally seems to have paid off, slightly less literally, for her.  A new strategy!  Sleeping with the theatrical purse strings! Which has finally earned her a starring role.

That’s right boys and girls.  The  child of the slums, the thief’s daughter that has stolen our eyeballs (we wouldn’t keep writing about her if you didn’t keep reading it!) if not our hearts is about to travel the world playing a Queen!

So watch out all you real Queens out there.  Your husbands might get confused and bring her home.  (At least to find out why they really say she has a “throat like a flute.”)