4 posts

Bette Davis Has Bad News For You, Baby – And Gossip Links

You want me to bring bail? Again? And what else? Booze. Performing poodles. Celebrities. And particularly Paris Hilton. Ah. I see.

I. See.

Look, darling, I’ve been meaning to say this for some time. I’m cutting you loose, sweetheart. Paying your bail is just throwing good money after bad, and as for performing poodles, well, I saw your last armpiece. Why don’t you give her a call? It shouldn’t cost you more than $25 for a full hour, or her flier is lying.
Continue reading

Veronica Lake is Listening Gossip Links

What’s that, darling? You’re not making any sense. Calm down. Stop screaming. BREATHE! Use your words to tell Veronica what’s bothering you.


You say the banality of the celebrity-industrial complex in its current iteration has driven you to near-fatal ennui? That you never thought you’d live to see the day when the likes of me were replaced with talentless, tiny orange gnome women with novelty tits and hair?

Me either, babe. Me either.

There now. Easy, boy. Have a saucer of milk and a little time out and when you’re ready you can click over the link to see today’s extra-creamy gossip links with a side of nearly-actual news. There, there. All better now. Continue reading